Jessica

good bye

2005-01-20T01:18:00.000+10:00

This is a good bye to this blog. A new start a new blog.

Please contact me if you want my new blog address.

*live life beautifully*

Its been a while.

2004-12-26T01:52:00.000+10:00

Things are looking up. I have learnt that family will always always always be here for me no matter what happens. No matter how big the mistake I made, they will always be here.

-my nightmares are over-

Have not Photo blogged In a long long time

2004-12-19T22:10:00.000+10:00

I have not photoblogged in a long time. Reason being, I have to transfer photos from my lappie to the shared computer.. Its quite troublesome and having only a 64mb of storage space in my thumbdrive does not help at all. So most of the time I cant really be bothered. But I just wanted to photoblog today. Anyway, met up with Ruikun yesterday to go town. I was supposed to be erm 'working' but actually.. Hehe...

Us on the way to town...

I actually managed to eat the 'ever famous' fish and chips that XiangYing and Ruikun so desperately wants me to try.. Its not too bad really just that I think the fish and chips on the coast is better with chicken salted fries. Keke.. But nontheless, its really nice.. Then we went window shopping- its really bad having no money. But I like this..

Me trying on a skirt in Isetan. A really sweet black skirt.. I need more money.. Waah...
While I enjoyed my window shopping, poor Ruikun..

Ruikun at some shop in Paragon looking erm really cheeky? and bored?

Watched Ocean's 12. And had to meet my parents for dinner at Suntec after erm my 'work'.

Us on the way to Suntec. My photography is better! [click on the pic, it should appear]

And after Dinner went back to Cine to meet dear cause I think Nick pang Seh him AGAIN. Nicholas Tan.. You stop bullying Ruikun k?

I feel like a pig, really do. I had dinner with my parents. By the time I walked outta of the lan shop with Ruikun, I was hungry again.

'jiao zi tang' from cine food court. XY familiar?

Dear made me take this photo to show what a pig I am..

My erm 'jiao zi tang' while Ruikun finishes his dinner. Which by the way I already had mine..

After dinner, I am honestly quite tired le and I had to get up at 7am this morning to go Sentosa with my mummy. Which I have pictures to put up BUT as I said the lack of limited storage space. But we took trading cards

Trading cards we took

Nice Nice card... Last pic of the day...

Flat tired out. Really sad about not meeting Meiyi, Simin and Yeongshi today. But next time ok gals? Will try to make an effort to blog about my Sentosa trip..

Christmas Card of the Year

2004-12-18T13:23:00.000+10:00

Daphne's complaining that I dont blog anymore. Truth is, my life has gone into monotonous, repetitive with work. Work is boring, agonising and irritating. Not much to write there. But I saw a Christmas card sent to my brother. It was just lying on top of the computer and when I opened it, it certainly was the christmas card of the year. It wrote:

To Sean:

Season Greetings

From ACPB(I'm assuming anglo-chinese prefectorial board) '05

[Attached below is the packing list for End-of Year Camp]

Full school uniform(report in on the first day)
Clothes: 4-5 sets of clothes (school related tops)
Swimming gear, Toiletries
Shoes & sandals
Medication (if neccessary)
Water bottles, Torchlight
2 Photographs
(In School Uniform- Sec2s in 2005
In Blazer- Prefects & Senior Prefects in 2005)
Christmas present
Money for eating out ($10-20)
Stationary and writing materials
Bible (for Christians)
Handphones (at your own risk)
Term reports and Camp consent forms

P.S Access the Holiday package for Prefects zip folder @ (http://www.geocities.com/freecarrots/prefects.zip) and (http://homepage.mac.com/deecky/FileSharing3.html) and do the things in the zip file and bring them to camp.

*Each level is to prepart an item of about 5 mins for one of the nights during the camp.

The practicality of ACS never fails to amaze me. Killing 2 birds with 1 stone. Season greetings and infomation about the end-of-year camp. *shakes head*

Ok, got to get ready to go out with Ruikun.

Its been a while all over again

2004-12-11T01:11:00.000+10:00

Today the 10th of December is the day Jessica Lee decides to move on with her life properly. Today the 10th of December is the 'anniversary' of the day James broke up with me. Yes it has been 2 months. Funnily enough, the 2nd month passed by a little too slowly for my liking. The first month went by with a bang but the 2nd month was a little slow. I was like its only 2 months? It seems like its ages ago. It seems just like yesterday that I said goodbye to James. But today, I cried for the last time for him and that's it. Life will move on although moving on is hard. Moving on with another person is always hard after being hurt so deeply. I want to commit but sometimes I'm just afraid that I'll be burnt again. I know Ruikun wont hurt me but its just a fear living in me I suppose. A fear that will stay with me for awhile, a fear that will take sometime to go away. But I'm really glad that I can put James down properly. Maybe its too fast, I dont know but I dont want to regret letting him go.

Ok, enough about reflecting.. Onto my life in general..

I have started work for about a week now. Honestly, I dont know why I put myself through this because its damn damn damn boring. Just checking ERS forms daily- name, I/C number and $50. Monotonous work! I so much prefer the work with my previous section BUT its money, I wont complain. Have been going out alot with the same people actually- Daphne, Xiangying, Junior and of course Ruikun. Haha.. Not that I really mind but I still do miss my other friends. I'm so glad that I'll be meeting my trackers tomorrow. I really hope that Simin, Meiyi and Yeongshi will be there. *pretty please*?

Oh well, Daphne will kill me for not posting pictures but I cant be bothered. Haha.. too troublesome..
*hugs and kisses*

Home at Last

2004-11-24T14:46:00.000+10:00

This is my first blog entry from home. Apparantly, I'm not quite able to blog from my home computer coz my dad says blogger brings in virus. Hm, that I have no idea about. But anyway, it has been about a day since I came back and I absolutely cant stand the weather. Its humid, hot and gross. I havent had the sticky sticky feeling on my hands in erm 9 months? Its back to that so definately I prefer the weather in Australia. In fact after being home for about a total of 24hours, I have come to the conclusion that if I could have all my friends and family with me in Australia, I would stay in Australia. I quite like the quieter life in Aussie as compared to the hustle and bustle. Its nice to have city life and what nots but the trains (which are far more regular) are always so packed. I never had to stand for more than 5 mins in Australia but over here its a miracle if you get a seat and of course you dont sit down becuase there will be some kid or old person or pregnant person who needs that seat. Singapore is just simply too congested with people, cars and everything. But this is my home and I am just glad to be home.

MONDAY-22/11/04
Anyway, I nearly couldnt fly home because I think that the service at the Brisbane International airport sucks to the core. There was so much hassle just getting onto the flight. Andrew, Colin and me didnt manage to get a cab to the airport and so we had to take a train. From frigging Ipswich to the other side of Brisbane. So anyway, Marie gave us a lift to the train station and me being the girl had about 6 bags to lug home. The poor boys had to help throughout with my bags, on top of theirs. It was truly a very very tiring experience to travel to the airport by train, transferring from Roma Street to the platform to the airport was another experience. From the airport stop to the departure hall is another experience. It was just pure manual labour on the 3 of us. And when we finally got to the airport at 12pm, our flight was at 2pm. So we joined the long long queue of people who was also waiting to check in at 12pm. By the time it was 1pm, we were still in queue while almost all the counters save for 1 were closed for lunch! I mean, shouldnt at least 2 be open? Out of the 5? Bad bad service, bad bad experience. All of us had exceeded the weight limit cause Andrew and Colin only had 20kg while I had 30. Even with 30 I also exceeded. So Andrew and Colin had to pay excess baggage fees and there was 1 bag that Colin had to send home. I was supposed to send one home as well or else I will have excess baggage but I think I was really pissed at that point that I just said give me the bag. So on our way to try to send out bags home via company flight, I was like hey they didnt even put tags onto our hand carry bags so they wouldnt know which was allowed, which wasnt right? And thank goodness we met their friend- Elgine(sp?) who was really really nice considering the first time I met him, he has to help me carry bags on board the plane. So thank you very very much. Basically I wouldnt be able to fly home without the help of Andrew, Colin and Elgine because without them to help me carry my erm many bags, I really would be at a loss as to what to do. We were all seated seperately throughout the plane ride and therefore there was much erm time (a grand total of 7 and a half hours) for me to think. Cried many times alone there just thinking about stuff but when the plane approached Singapore, it was just so relieveing to see the Singapore nightlights. It made me realise how much I miss home, miss the lights of the HDB flats, the hustle and bustle of cars, family and friends. When we came out of the airplane, it felt so good to be on Singapore grounds. Then we went to the duty free and they guys bought like hard liquor and stuff. I bought red wine for my uncle(which Colin helped me choose). At the end of it all, we finally managed to walk out of the airport at 9pm after customs and shopping and luggage collecting. I was so glad to see my parents, just hugging and crying away. Yeah, I think I'm pretty emotional. Had dinner with family, proper chinese food! Went home and the first person who called was Daphne! Haha, its like she knew exactly when I reached home. Then Nic called and we all made arrangements for yesterday.

TUESDAY-23/11/04
I was supposed to meet Nic and Daphne and Xiangying for lunch (or so I thought). Turns out that there was a bigger group than expected. In the end, the whole gang consisted of Daphne, Nic, Mikeller, Nick, Xiangying, Junior, myself and Ruikun who joined us much later. But that boy came all the way down from Clementi(took cab down) just to have lunch with us. I was so touched. When I saw Mikeller I was like OMG! When I saw Nick, I was like OMG! I just keep saying that cause I was just so happy to see everyone. But I felt abit bad for Nic because she didnt know anyone really cept for me and there was this big group of 8 who was just there. But I really hope that she did enjoy herself. We had Swensens for lunch cause I missed the baked rice there (thanks everyone) and then we went shopping. Sheesh, I really miss shopping with Mimi they all. Just the big group of us shopping not caring what's happening is good. Mimi even missed her meeting because of me (touched). Anyway I had a realyl great time with everyone but it was sad that Yihui and Xiaoxuan couldnt come down because the 'date' was changed to lunch. Never mind, I'll meet them another time
-Dinner-
I met up with relative at Paramount Shopping Centre. My uncle gave us a treat. It was great. Chinese food and I mean proper chinese food. It was an expensive dinner but I really thank him for it. It was one of those family things but I really had fun too because I havent seen them in erm 9 months too.

Overall, this past 24hours has been non stop for me. And I'm jet-lagged. I keep getting up at 8am Singapore time. Argh, this is bad. Going to Ruikun's party later.. (happy) OH no, I'm hungry, havent had lunch yet and meeting Daphne and Xiangying at 3pm. But I start work back at my old job at CPF on the 4th. I guess by then I would have met up with most of my friends. I would post pictures BUT this lousy computer at home is kinda crappy. Maybe another time (like 3 months later).

Final entry in Australia

2004-11-22T08:05:00.000+10:00

Hey, it has been sometime since I last blogged. Many things has happened since- for instance, I've officially left the teenage group and have now joined the big group of people in their 2-0s. I feel old, *whines* but anyway, I have also shifted house. CLeared all my stuff and moved them to my new place, packed and cleared my whole room, bought all the christmas presents (I'll be really free during the mad rush to buy presents, haha) and basically taking heaps of pictures. I think this will be a short entry because I have to leave at 945am for the airport. Yes, it has finally came to the day that I'm leaving and I'll be home tonight. I have mixed feelings about today, I'm really excited but yet I'm quite sad as well. A little I suppose because I know that once I leave this place today, I wont be coming back here again. Ipswich though is the most ulu place you can ever find, it has actually brought many memories both good and bad but this place can only stay as a memory now. In a way I'm glad because this place is really quite painful for me. As I took my last bus ride yesterday from the train station to home, its really saddening. I didnt think that I would be that sad but anyway...

This past 9 months, I think I have I have gotten abit more than I bargained for. Abit more.. In fact much more. I have grown up abit(I hope), I have gained a whole lot of new experiences. I have learnt how to survive on my own and have learnt to appreciate things in life. I have learnt that good things dont last and friendships can be broken but I have also learnt that that support from friends and family is what keeps everyone going here. I dont have time to blog alot here because I have to get ready to go to the airport. And because we're taking the train, its really a sucky trip home but its home I'm going home to. I have said my final goodbyes to a few people here, people that I know that I will not see again- aka James. I was really sad, I didnt think I'll be that sad but I guess the finality of it really just hit me when I saw him driving away from the house. I have never seen him drive before but yet that image now stays in my head constantly. That green jeep, those 'alien' sunnies. I dont want to start crying again so I'll stop.

I'll blog more from home but this is my final entry from Ipswich QLD because I'm coming home tonight. Goodbye Bobbie, Nicole, Amy, Isaac, James, Andrew, Colin, Carmen, Joanna, Jasmine, Justina, Kelly, Gen, Kareen, Tony and many many more. It was really great knowing you people and many of you have touched my life in more ways than one.

But now this broken heart has to go home to heal and start life on a clean slate next year.

Friendster Testimonial of the year

2004-11-15T15:28:00.000+10:00

LuV PoEtZzZ, 11/14/2004:

helloz...jie....dis izz my sis...yes...n ur
testis r collecting dust!!!ay..go aus muz
study hard hor...dun tink so much....E R
WAITING FOR U AT HOME....blah blah
blah...ur other bro has been getting
irritating...more of a bitch...damn pain in
the ass....gd luck fer ur exams....no
need to reply cos later all de bad ting
abt moi come out sia...heehee...will b
waiting for u...at changi airport....haha...

My brother really loves me. This is what I'm going home to, to family love. I'm a happy contented girl..

I was depressed yesterday

2004-11-13T16:36:00.000+10:00

I was actually pretty depressed yesterday. And this time it is not about James. This time it is about my results. I got back a literature paper and didnt do well for it. I passed but I just scraped a pass. I'm just depressed that this course I wont get any better than a 4(pass) for overall and I cannot afford to fail my exam, which I'm studying for really terribly because when you get to a stage where you have no idea what you're studying, its really bad. It does not help that half the house has already finished for the year and are just packing up to go home for good. We said goodbye for good to Anthony yesterday, on Tuesday we'll say goodbye to Bobbie, on Thursday we'll say goodbye to James for good. Well, for me its a goodbye for good. As of 17th November 2004, James William Drewe will walk out of my life forever and ever. Kinda sad but oh well, I guess that's part and parcel of life. Anyway, I was depressed right? And so after I finished studying in the library(which closed at 5pm), I decided to take a walk into Ipswich town and called Nicole on the way and asked if she wanted to have dinner at the city. Well, she was coming back and so the answer was no. But she'll meet me in Ipswich. So I just walked around aimlessly, taking photos of places. So these are the things that I did.

First up, I walked to my church.. This is

St Stephen's Presbyterian Church
which is..

The church I have been going to for the past year.
where I actually go to

The 930am family service. I actually get up early on Sundays!
This is..

Video Ezy- Our favourite hangout during the holidays..
and...

Eagle Boys Pizza- what we always have when Pete and Marie are not around..
Oh and just a little sidenote...

This is where I had my worse fall of the year- Right outside Eagle Boys Pizza
Moving along to...

Coles- The supermarket we frequent after church and well James works here.
I bought..

Ski D'lite and Yoplait- Yogurt for the week..
But I had to check out boxes for Nicole at Woolworths.Went into Woolworths. Bad mistake cause I bought more stuff there.. Here the stuff that I got. Now you can see why I spend alot of money because I buy heaps of junk.
I bought..

December Issue of Cosmo- which I'll bring home to Singapore because Cosmo is banned in Singapore for whatever censorship reasons. On the cover this month- Mischa Barton (Melissa in The OC).

Pantene Pro-V Treatment moisturer- So that I can pack my shampoo and conditioner for next year and use this before I go home.

Tang Orange - Actually my dad's favourite drink. Just picked up drinking this the past month.
In the end, there were no boxes for Nicole when I went to meet her at the train station. As we walked home, we walked past this new Malaysian Chinese restaurant and she was like hey do you want to have dinner here tonight. And I was like yeah, why not? And so we did..

Oh we went home first, erm checked out what was for dinner and decided that we still wanted to go out for dinner. Invited Bobbie along to chinese food.. Love it there. The food was alright, I mean we were coming home to proper chinese food but I guess we just wanted to have a dinner out.
This is..

Bobbie and her Hokkien Noodles
and..

Nic shying away as usual and what's left of her Chicken Chow Mein
and my..

Malaysian Nasi Lemak
After dinner...

3 of us at the Malaysian Restaurant looking very satisfied. By the way, see how fat I've become?

That was my day yesterday. Hm I'm going alright with studying I think. Finished feminism, psychoanalysis, marxism, structuralism, semiotics, formalism into functionalism. Now I have to revise stuff from module 1.

The weather is frigging hot today. The wind that blows is hot. Bad...

Marxism, Feminism, Psychoanalysis, Formalism???

2004-11-10T14:29:00.000+10:00

Ok this is my 2nd time doing this because FUQUAN came and talk to me on MSN and everything just disappeared. I have to re-do everything from scratch! Because I deleted the photos and html already. Argh, ok Jess *calm down*. Let me just re-do this and get my studying on the road aye?

Let me start from the beginning again. I was saying that Philip at 10am Aussie time has sent me 5 emails, ie 8am Singapore time. And therefore I thought I shouldnt 'let him' down and should post some of the stuff that came through the mail today. I really appreciate it alot man..

Righto, all over again. Fuquan thanks ah.. First up, the Toilet Restaurant!

The Toilet Restaurant!

Meals served in the Toilet Bowl in the Toilet Bowl Restaurant!

Ooh.. Dessert at the Toilet Restaurant
The next dessert will have a 'dis-integration' process...

Ice Kachang in a toilet bowl...

This looks bad... Half-eaten ice kachang

Does this remind you of something?
However, the nicest toilet in the whole restaurant is..

The toilet in the Toilet restaurant
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Also, he sent me photos of couple chains. *wishful thinking now*

Couple Chain 1- No idea what the french means (is it even french?)

Couple Chain 2- More words I dont understand but this is really nice...

Couple Chain 3- Argh, why cant they be in English?

Couple Chain 4- I <3 You... Nice..

Couple Chain 5- I bless the day I found you. I want to stay around you. And so I beg you, Let it be me. (Wish it was something someone would give me)

Couple Chain 6- erm more words I dont understand... But a four leaf clover..

Couple Chain 7- Dear my angel.. I miss you because I love you.. (aww....)
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Lastly, Philip has kindly sent me pictures of what I am missing out on in Channel 8's new drama which I believe is called The Champions. I really do miss watching Channel 8 shows.

Fiona Xie- Thinking she look damn pretty. Sorry dont quite like her.

But she does have a good bod though... ooh.. the new erm star search winner!! Who's the dorky guy?

Aww.. Jeannette Aw! dont know who the other chick is..

More of Jeannette Aw and Qi Yi Wu (is that his name?)

Chio Chio Jeannette.. I really think she's chio..

Uh Who is this?
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*phew* finally done. Hopefully with no hiccups this time. Dont have that much time to keep blogging but nontheless if it still does not work out. I'll give up. This entry is just not mean to be then. Anyway, can anyone tell me what episode is The OC up to in Singapore? I wont be able to watch the final episode of the first season because I would have flown home. So just want to know if I will be able to catch it in Singapore or else I'll get my friend to burn it off the college network. Anyway, back to studying feminism. Literature.. *shakes head*

Oh and today it has been a month already. Life still goes on. In fact I think things have become worse. I guess I have to deal with the fact that I wont ever see this boy again. So yah, my sad story and life.

Radio Serial finally over!

2004-11-08T17:43:00.000+10:00

Today the 8th of November is the day I finally submitted our radio serial. Despite all the complications even in the morning itself, it really really finally managed to get it done. This morning Rolly Polly forgot to bring his script, had to listen to our serial all over again and type it there and then. My works consulted list done wrongly and I forgot to get pictures for my cast list. David had to get all our references all over again and put in all the cast properly. Angela had to touch up on her script. Half of the library was filled with my faculty people because all of us have a major assignment due while the other half is filled with people who had exams today. Yes, exam week has started. Freaky even though my exam is only next week on the 17th, but still the atmosphere is freaky. But putting that assignment down the chute was really relieving as all 4 of us saw the envelope go down the chute. *phew* was really the word.

Anyway, came back for lunch and went into town for the last time (or so I say) until my exams are over to buy my quilt. Finally I decided to buy it cause its on 30% off! In fact Target was just on special everywhere. I love their sleepwear, but I have to really resist to buy any because of money constraints but I couldnt resist buying boycut knickers. I would take a picture of them and post them up but I think it would traumatise my male readers so I rather not. But they are really nice! Closed my Bendigo Bank account and transferred money into my commonwealth bank account. Heaps of things to do and consider.

Its raining really heavily now. Thinking if I should go and pick James up from work, unsure if he has an umbrella. *ponders* My roof is leaking so bad that it feels like its raining in here as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I did go to pick him up. Despite Daphne's repeated attempts to tell me that its not worth it. For once I'm sad that I didnt listen to her because it was not worth it. I went, waited, made someone kinda pissed with me cause I'm asking her boyfriend to do something like that, ie, go pick James up and at the end of it all? Not even a thank you. Na-da. Why do I even bother? Really.

Roof Leaking

2004-11-07T14:08:00.000+10:00

Yesterday was like the worst storm I have experienced in my whole year here. My roof was leaking and the house was shaking while there was thunder. Who ever said that thunderstorms were the nicest to sleep. I hardly slept and had to share a bed with Nicole,pity her coz I had to get up at 9 this morning having only gone to bed at 2.30am.

This is a wonderful picture of evidence of my roof leaking..

I had to sleep with 3 pails on my bed!!

Sigh... What a wonderful life..

The Idea of a Good Friend

2004-11-06T13:40:00.000+10:00

Got this email from Bobbie. about the idea of a Good Friend in different grades. Well, in Australia, they go by grade system. So yeah basically its about the same. Grade 1 is Primary one. And when you get to Grade 8, its Secondary one. Year 11 and 12 are our college years.. Yup..

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had forgotten.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only underage person there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the formal.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

I guess as we move on in different stages in our life, we need different friends who will always be there for ups and downs. Though I have a suspiscious feeling that the idea of a good friend now is describing a boyfriend/girlfriend but well since I dont have any of those, so I'll be just take it as all my friends who loves me. Finished off my recording yesterday for my radio serial. Honestly, I really think I sound sucky on radio but anyway, got to rush to do my cultural/research section, cast section and an apologia. All due on Monday and havent started yet. Usual slack jack me..

The truth about love.

2004-11-04T20:08:00.001+10:00

Received this email from Nicole. Its funny how we send each other emails while we are just sitting next to each other. But well, she told me to read this and I think that its really nice..

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

14. REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

15. True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?

Dont you think that its so true? Well, some of them anyway.
Anyway got this from Fergus:

Eye Kreme that really works!
I think its hilarious...

Today I went back to school for a group meeting. And it just hit me that the assignment is due on Monday and yet we're not even halfway through our radio serial yet. Totally stressing out but they dont seem to care. Why do I always have the weirdest group mates. Today one girl forgot that we had a meeting and after I called her, she said she was sick and didnt want to come down. So today, while we were recording, I had to double up so many characters. Sometimes, I really hate group work because of the people you work with. But I guess its group work, all group work are like, people with different opinion and stuff like that. Finally got a bit of thing going. Cancelling my phone line on the 22nd, opened my commonwealth bank account. Will be buying my quilt from Target on Sunday, hopefully. There are just so many things to do with so little time. Totally stressing out...

Stuff that came through the email today

2004-11-03T01:43:00.000+10:00

Everyday, well almost everyday I receive stuff from Philip from email, which I am really thankful for because he allows to be in touch with things in Singapore. Well, sometimes and I know I have said this before. Well anyway, there were more stuff but I only posted stuff that I thought was pretty nice..

Can you believe that all these are hand painted?

Handpainted 1

Handpainted 2

Handpainted 3

Handpainted 4

Handpainted 5

And these are the beautiful bridges around the world..

Bridge 1

Bridge 2

Bridge 3

Bridge 4

Bridge 5

Bridge 6

Bridge 7

Bridge 8

Bridge 9

And lastly, these are snowflakes as examined under a microscope. Did you know that our concept of snowflakes are actually right?

Snowflake 1

Snowflake 2

Snowflake 3

Snowflake 4

Snowflake 5

Snowflake 6

Snowflake 7

There! Finally done with all my pictures. Who ever said that photoblogging was easy and less time consuming. But I guess that if you're on dial-up, its much harder. Well anyway, things are looking up for me in terms of accommodation. Joanna called me last night and asked if I wanted to share with her and Jasmine. The answer was so definately YES! Today I went down to view the apartment and I think its perfect. It has security, convenience of Indooroopilly shopping centre and well kinda the train station as well. But basically I think its great and I really hope that this works out this time. My dad has agreed, thank goodness and I'll be packing my stuff into their garage like on the 21st November. Really, what would I do without Isaac and his car. Because he's being such a dear and driving me down with my stuff. Going down then to sign the agreement as well. Only thing I'm sad about is Nicole wont have a place to stay for next year. I think she's very stressed out about it. I hope that she'll be able to find a place soon too. Sigh, troubles with staying out and overseas. You dont just think about studies, there are so many more considerations but seriously, I'm just glad that I got this accommodation thing settled. Well, I finished my 3000 essay on euthanasia and feeling very proud of myself. But that's tonight only, I still have to do research for my group assignment due on Monday.

Sigh, tonight I cried. I havent done so in a while but today he came by the room to return me my corn chips and salsa sauce that I put in his pantry because we were supposed to make nachos together. It then struck me how there are so many things that we say we'll do but in the end nothing's done. And it all doesnt matter anymore. Kinda sad..

This is where I have been living for the past 8 months

2004-11-01T16:03:00.000+10:00

I seriously think that staying at home all day doing the same assignment gets you bored to tears. Therefore, I decided to post up pictures of the place that I have been staying in for the past 8 months. Because I have had many memories in this place, both good and bad.. Both things I want to remember and things that I try to forget. I guess, as I leave Ipswich for good next year, I'll miss this house, this place a little. Ipswich is like the more boring place to be in but its still a place I'll always remember because of all these things..

Let's take a virtual tour of the house...
From the outside...

This is our house. Pretty big eh?

This is the name of the place I stay

Colin and Andrew's balcony- had many drunk memories there.. keke

James and Isaac's balcony- Had many memories there as well..

Isaac's car- and honestly what would we do without him and his car.
Our backyard

This is the other house- Cumquat Lodge

Now to view the inside of Cumquat House. Let's start with the..

Our front door...

When you enter the door. this is what you see...
And moving on the bottom level of the house.. We have..

Our lounge area
which has a...

Flat screen plasma tv! :P
Moving along to...

Our indoor dining area and we even have our own fridge
Our favourite hangout coming up.. Its the..

Kitchen! where we have

Our billboard. Joy was made by Nic and me and well that day's lunch was erm hotdogs.. Crappy though..
Oh and this is important during the summer...

Our outdoor dining area..

2nd Level now:

Staircase downwards view. Usually after running, we'll form the stairway to heaven club..
Let's look at the general layout first eh?

Look from our corridor. Furthest is Andrew's room. The one nearer is Colin's room..
On the other side of the house you get:

This is the corridor at the other side of the house. Furthest is Amy's room, the nearer door is James room and Isaac's room is not the picture. Oops...

South is James room...

I used to be a frequenter at this door.. *Sobz*

Back to our side of the house now.. On to our rooms!

This is our room..Door actually

Jessica + Nicole = roomies

The overview of our rooms..

Our key table. The yellow one is mine..

Our little pantry.. oh with my shoes at the bottom shelf..

And how could we forget out dear Aragon..

Nic's luggage which she has been living out of for the past 9 months. Oops..

This is what a shared bathroom looks like..
Moving along to moi ROOM...

My room is Summer!

My room basically.. Messy messy..

My erm study area.. Honestly, I have so much clutter and have to clear all up when I leave..

My erm messy bedside table. Notice everything's messy around me? :P

The pictures on my wall to remind myself of home..

While I'm studying... My bed's a complete mess

Ooh, my fluffs that kept me warm during winter. Love them to bits..
Oh did I mention we have a balcony as well?

The road to school...

This is the road to town..

This is the view out of our balcony overlooking the road that we walk to town.

*phew* I think that's it. For now.. This is the house I have been basically living in for the past 8 months. You see, after taking so many photos, obviously we were bored. So..

I rewarded myself with Tang Orange drink

While Nicole just wants to get back to the room. She hates getting her pics taken.

Ok extra pics: I was bored!

I was really really bored that day.. As you can see..
AND the Ultimate:

This is how tanned I've become. You can see my slipper line marks on my feet!!! You see I was bored..

This is really tiring. I have been on this for almost 2 hours. Ok, I'm probably not a good blogger but I try. Watched Bend it Like Beckham. Even though I watched it in the cinemas like last year or something, I'm still amazed by cross-cultural relationships. I guess something that didnt work out for me. But its nice to know that despite all odds, things still can come true!

By the way, Chew if you ever read this! Happy Birthday brother.. Take care always..

A simple entry reminded me again

2004-10-31T16:08:00.000+10:00

I was reading some random blogs. You know how you keep pressing the next blog and you will be able to read other people's blog around the world literally? Well, yeah I was bored as usual, having not much to do on a Sunday afternoon and was reading some people blogs. Some boring, some Singaporean ones- all the Singlish gets typed out, some China ones when its typed in Chinese, some lovey dovey ones, some kid's blog. I came across this blog from this girl in Canada, I think she's an asian because I spotted an "aiyah" in the blog, so typically asian. But nontheless, her latest entry was about her getting together with a guy whom she has liked for a long time. Their story is kinda complicated in a way because they were kissing and stuff before they got together. But the way they got together just touched a string in my heart because it felt so famaliar the exhiliration that I felt when James and me got together. I know everyone will go Sheesh, Jess it has been 3 weeks, honestly and seriously get over it. I know that I should get over it but then after I read her entry,I realised that what for should I keep telling myself to get over him. If I still love him, I love him. There's no stopping me from loving him, its not a matter of choice whether I can stop loving him just like I dont want to eat something. I know that I should forget and stop moping around because if I dont, I'll never move on with life. I disagree, life moves on regardless whether I forget him at all and I still moved on with life. I still go to school, I still hand in my assignments, I still will be studying for my exams, I still will be worrying about my accommodation. Life does not stop because my heart got broken but it does not mean that moving on with life I'm not allowed to love him. Because I still do and will do too until someone else has the power to make me shift me love away from James. So this entry is for myself, telling myself to believe in myself, do whatever I want, love him if I have to. Stop telling myself that I have to get over him because I dont have to. If I keep forcing myself to, then I'll be so much more pain because everything he does will hurt me. I care and love him and will show that I still care for him. Of course I wont hug and kiss him and stuff but I will care for him. I'll mope as long as it takes me to and if anyone disagrees with me. Well, I can say that piss off because this is my blog and I can write anything I want. Strong words I know but I guess for once in my life, I'm taking a stand about my life, instead of always listening to what other people say. Because James Drewe will always be part of my memories whether I like it anot. Places in Brisbane that we have been to, places that we said that we'll go to. Bit by bit I know I'll forget and only remember the important bits like how drunk we were when we got together, that how alcohol had to step in to unravel our tongues, the true meaning of Eskimo Kisses, my cravings for KFC, my hopelessness whenever I visit Coles to do groceries. All these little bits will stay by my head and no one can take them away from me no matter how much I'm told to forget and get on with life.

Sorry if I offended anyone. But I guess that's my stand.

A talk with my ex boyfriend

2004-10-31T01:19:00.000+10:00

These are the kind of conversations you have when people have broken up. Basically they piss you off to bits. Daphne convinced me to put it up. She thinks its hilarious. I 'm still just pissed. But anyhow, here it is.. He is 19 (doing a countdown to the number of days he still has left here) and of course I'm the other person. Our conversation is basically about clothes. Guys -Vs- Girls..

19: infact most of my packing will be done when my parent come to pick me up. i dont have that much stuff. i dont know about you guys, but i only bought what i needed

What if God : right.. that's such a guy answer.

19: as opposed to a girls which is: i bought shitloads coz i cant live without 15 bags and 50 gazillion different clothes...etc etc

What if God : nicole is having arms on her hips glaring at the screen.

What if God : hey... sometimes girls guy stuff to impress guys k. to dress up and stuff like tht.. guys always have it easy

19: pfft. i only have like 10 different shirts, and that inlcudes the good ones to go out in

19: girls dont have any common sense when it comes to clothes. they think that if you've been seen in something you cant wear it for like another 3 weeks

What if God : one fin

What if God : that's so not true. i'm *speechless*

* What if God was one of us? trying to make his way home just like me is now Online

19: no it isnt. although alot of guys dont dress the trendiest. we know when we need to buy clothes. when the ones we have are getting worn out

What if God : you don buy clothes just because they are getting worn out.. you buy clothes coz they're nice.. or cheap whatever

19: mmm i dont know its either getting worn out, or because we need to. like i bought my nice shoes because i needed a nice pair to go out in because i only had my daggy shoes that i used to skateboard in. and you dont get into clubs with daggy clothes

What if God : u see, guys buy clothes that are like super expensive. girls dont buy and therefore we buy many stuff to make tht amount. and get more value.. like ur pair of shoes were like 200 bucks. all my shoes that i bought here, the amt in total is not even 100 bucks.

19: there is a reason for that. companies know girls like to buy clothes. that is why every second store in a shopping centre is womens fashion. because there are so many stores, the shops have to charge very small amounts to ensure people buy their clothes

19: guys dont have that luxury

19: its either the $2 shop quality or expensive

19: a pair of boardshorts isnt normally cheaper than $60

What if God : yeah but still the stuff we buy are not expensive. and therefore can have the luxury of owning gazillion clothes shoes and bags.

What if God : and what's wrong with having many bags.. getting personal here. i love bags!!

19: but there isnt any point to own a bazillion of everything just coz its cheap

What if God : because the quality of girls' clothes arent great. so we have more to stock up.

19: thats nonsense

What if God : ARGH......

19: my parents own a clothing company so you cant tell me about quality coz i know the quality

What if God : ok.. calm down

What if God : i didnt say i know anything abt quality

19: yeah you did

What if God : just tht sometimes cheap clothes dont really have good quality clothes

19: "What if God was one of us? trying to make his way home just like me says:
because the quality of girls' clothes arent great. so we have more to stock up. "

What if God : yeah

What if God : i know what i said. i mean how great can the quality of clothes be when the shirt just cost 13 bucks?

19: so why buy it if you know its shit quality

What if God : coz good quality clothes frm those brand labels are ex

What if God : so buy cheap ones. if they are spoiled or whatever, buy new ones

What if God : simple

19: what would you consider a brand label?

What if God : labels like country road, ralph lauren, dkny,

What if God : i suppose..

19: they are desinger labels of course they are expensive

19: for me a brand label is something like billabong or quiksilver

What if God : yeah those are brand labels.

What if God : erm.. well yeah. sports girl and roxy and stuff are quite ex too.. but i mean the really brand labels are those mentioned above

19: they are designer labels, that is why they are so expensive you are paying for the name because it comes with the prestige associated with some french guy who shows off his clothes on a catwalk

What if God : yeah.

What if God : but for them to be designer or to be labelled designer.. they have to have soome quality in them first right?

19: well they used to when the companies first formed. all of the one offs are still quality made, but all of the stuff sold to the general public is made out of the same stuff in the same countries that make billabong and dickies etc

What if God : you mean china?

19: china, portugual, west indies, india, wherever its all cheap labour

What if God : no.. i checked nic's clothes. dkny is made in morrocco. sisley is made in italy. my ralph is made in the usa.

What if God : its not all cheap labour places.

19: ok righto whatever. im going to bed anyway. later

What if God : yeah

What if God : whatever. night..

* 19 is now Offline

Yup, these are the kind of conversations that you have when you guys are no longer together. Fairytale relationships do not bloody last. So warning to all girls,when you try hard to remain friends with your ex-boyfriend, discard all the lovey dovey stuff he ever said to you because now those words mean squat to him.

A letter from President Ong to his First Lady

2004-10-29T23:52:00.000+10:00

I got this email from Philip. Its actually a letter that he read out during his speech for her during her funeral. Its amazing how those words still touched me because I was actually present in person to hear those words. Its been almost 5 years now but yet, when I see this, I still have a choking feeling in my heart. Its things like this that makes me think that love does exist and couples really do last a lifetime.

A beautiful article for us to learn and appreciate love.....

His touching words of farewell.
In a last farewell to his wife that touched many people and caused
quite a few to shed tears, President Ong Teng Cheong remembers the Shanghai
girl who became the First Lady.

HERE lies a girl who came from an orphanage in Shanghai 50 years ago. She arrived in Singapore at the age of 11, speaking only shanghainese and owning scarcely more than the clothes on her back. But she rose far above her humble beginnings to run a successful architectural practice, and to eventually play the role of the First
Lady of Singapore. But the route from the orphanage to the Istana was not all-smooth sailing.

While in the orphanage, she was struck by rheumatic fever. But she was then too young to realise the gravity of her illness. One of her heart valves was permanently damaged as a result. Doctors who examined her while she was in school in Singapore discovered it, and exempted her from all school sporting activities. The disease struck again while she was in the final year of her Architecture degree course, and she had to be warded in hospital for "complete rest in bed" for three months. A quiet and determined girl, she refused to tell her parents or anyone of her problem. She learnt to play the piano for only a few years, but was frustrated that her fingers were not growing long enough to allow her to play the octaves. She decided to give it up. But she always loved the piano.

Tireless and dedicated almost to a fault, her only hobby was work -work in the office and work at home, including sewing and gardening. In her younger days, she used to sew her own dresses, incl! uding cheongsams.

When asked how she did it, she would quip: "Reverse engineering." She would unpick old dresses, and use the piece as a dress pattern to follow.

Siew May gave the Ong family two sons. The first son was a breech baby, while the younger son was delivered by Caesarian section. Both deliveries needed operations and required heart specialists to be present. & great, we decided to stop at two, because I did not want her to take any unnecessary risk.

I knew she would have loved to have more children, especially girls. Happily, this was compensated for by the two lovely daughters-in-law we now have in the family. She was a wonderful and loving mother. Although she could neither swim nor cycle, she taught both Guan and Boon to swim and cycle. And as she worked long hours at the office, she even taught them how to cook their own lunches, when they were in primary and secondary schools.

We d id not have a maid in the house for several years in the late '70s and early '80s. She wanted everyone in the family to be as independent as she was.

But she was, in every way, a devoted mother and a supportive wife, and performed her multiple roles with equal dedication.

When I first met her at a party, she was only 15. She was an attractive and lively girl. It was not long before I discovered that she was a thrifty and highly principled girl as well. We began dating each other. Often we would meet in coffeeshops.

Whenever we had lunch, she would insist on paying for her own lunch.. Her argument was that her father gave her pocket money that was for her use only and that my father gave me pocket money that was for my use. So we should pay for our own lunches.

At first, I tried to persuade her otherwise, but after two lunches, during which she stood her ground, I realised that it was futile to argue any further and we subsequently just went Dutch every time we met for lunch.

It was the simple things that gave us the greatest joy. We were happiest just chit-chatting with each other, and whenever we had family gatherings.

Occasionally, when Sew May and I were alone, we would recite Chinese poetry and verses which we had learnt and memorised together in our younger days.

Our grandson, Justin, was her real bundle of joy. She would look for him first thing in the morning, and as soon as she came home from work. It was an unfortunate twist of fate that she had to suffer from a horrible disease at a time when she was about to relax and enjoy her retirement. She bravely fought the disease for 20 odd years. She fought several good battles, but the last one was swift and fatal. She was peaceful in her final hours.

Today, I wish to quote one of our favourite quotations from Su Dong Bo (the Song dynasty poet). He said that to part is inevitable. But in the simple but poignant words of Bai Ju Yi (the Tang dynasty poet), the loss is an eternal pain.

We took pride that we had led a clean and honest life, and had taken our mrriage vows seriously - we had been husband and wife for better or for worse, till death did us part.

Good bye, Siew May. We love you. "

Reading this, brings back memories of that day actually when the NYGH band actually played the songs for her funeral. Attending her funeral. The whole throngs of NY gals shaking hands one by one with President Ong then. It was really a first experience for many of us then. I guess time really does fly us by. Its already 5 years and President Ong has also passed on. I guess time waits for no one and if you dont move on with time, you will be left behind.

I wish Rolly Polly will roll down the hill and never come back up

2004-10-29T16:33:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting in the library on this Friday afternoon with half and hour to go before the library closes. Trying to do some research for my critical part of essay for my euthanasia assignment. And knowing that tree-hugging hippie, he honestly changes his mind so often, its really hard to think about what he is looking for in our assignments. Luckily, the assignment is due in 2 weeks. But that's exam week and I have to study for my exam. Honestly, sometimes its always bad timings. Currently talking to Kitty online. She made an observation- we are always talking about school stuff. Either how much work load we have or how sucky work is in school. It just struck me to see how school work had taken over our lives and we dont have a life outside it. Granted its the end of semester, but sometimes I think we all have to chill but well, there must be someone to chill out with first. I cant wait for Bridget Jones Diary to come out on the 11th of November. I think I'll reward myself with that show (hopefully).

Anyway just want a whinge about my group member for my radio serial. Honestly, who does radio serials anymore? But nontheless, we still have to do one and guess what its on? Tarzan! I have studied this dude for one whole semester in EVERY single medium but this dude still does not appeal to me. Thankfully, or I'll be worried myself. But nontheless, I had a group meeting today to try to record our radio serial. There's this guy called Ryan aka Rolly Polly, a nickname that my housemates gave him, when you see him, you'll understand why. But anyway, Ryan is the most bochap guy about work ever. I mean he does reasonably well at school, wants to go into law school next year and he's a frigging traditional chinese guy. He's bred here but I tell you, he might as well be from China because he's frigging traditional. Somehow I told him about my break-up and that's why I want to leave Ipswich and that bloody asshole started laughing. His concept of relationships: Dont have them. They are a hassle. Anything else is funny. He was laughing uncontrollably at it. I was so pissed off at him and I was like what the fuck is your problem? Not only did he laugh at me having my heart broken, he was sleeping during our group meeting. Like we were all trying to figure out how to use the damn program, there he was sleeping on the table. And he's always saying, this is boring. As if we dont know its boring but its still something that we have do it right? He really really pisses me off. Every group meeting, I just simply go against him and we have a match everytime.

I wish that he'll roll down the hill and never come back up. No doubt I'll lost a group member but I dont there's anything to cry about.

It's been awhile

2004-10-27T17:24:00.000+10:00

According to Daphne, I'm not on her daily reads list because I dont blog daily. Honestly, I used to be able to blog daily about anything and everything at all. Now, I guess I dont have to motivation and reason to blog. Why is that? Dont ask, I dont know the answer myself but nowadays I suppose being near the end of semester everyone's generally more busy with school work, projects and exams. I am no different so excuse me if I dont blog often. Daphne is so going to chuck shit, will she? I dont know. Anyway, today is my last day of the semester for teaching weeks. In fact its over as of now at 4.56pm on 27th October 2004. I've officially finished 2 semesters in Australia, having just exams and assignments left. No more boring lectures, not knowing what the hell I am doing and no more going for tutorials that I dont know what I'm doing there after the 5th week (aka, after my presentation). Let me do a course evaluation for my subjects.

COYS1110- Changing Channels
The lecturer is good. She writes like scripts and stuff for American TV and writes books for Big Brother and South Park. She's a pretty cool old lady with pink hair who hates lateness and cant see the projector screen when the door's open. Loves TV to bits, lectures off the top of her head, really is pretty cool. The tutor on the other hand is a really grumpy middle aged woman. In fact, she's the most childish tutor I have ever known. She has walked out of class before, leaving us wondering what the hell is going on. She loves Johnny Depp way too much and loves Malcom in the Middle way way too much too. Though she shows us cool movies during class, I still think she's crap. This is my media course whereby I study Tarzan for the whole semester in different mediums. Started off with the novel, moved on to films and now into sound (radio) which I am currently doing a group project for. Writing and producing a radio serial about Tarzan. Its quite cool really if not for the troubles that we have to go through with all usual group projects.

COYS1211- Texts and Contexts
This course is basically literature. Me and literature is basically not very friendly considering the last time I did literature was in secondary 2. But surprisingly I actually did enjoy this course quite abit though most of the time I dont quite understand what they are saying but once I do its actually quite fun.

COYS1510- Nature, Technology and the Human Condition
This is the suckiest course ever. What ever that is lectured has absolutely nothing to do with my assignment. Euthanasia, is just something that I can just look up the internet and do my one big assignment of 3000 words. Basically in one word- CRAP. I have not seen such a disorganised lecturer ever before, with no course details at all whatsoever. No idea what he's doing every week and every week, we go to lecture wondering. Why on earth am I even here? Yes, its that bad. I'm just glad that its over.

COYS1310- Issues in Contemporary Australia
This is about as crappy because basically we dont have to turn up for class at all unless its your presentation week. Mine was over from week 5 and I only go to class for attendence marks. But other than that, honestly I dont quite care what goes on in contemporary Australia. But this is far more enjoyable than the one above. Though I dont know why I go to class, at least its not as boring.

Yup, that's my course evaluation for the semester. Pretty crappy hey? I have 2 more assignments and 1 exam to go. Not too bad I must say, cleared most of my stuff already. Let's see, what else interesting has happened in my life? Not much really.. Other than I'm really stressed up juggling between viewing apartments, studying and applying for college. I really hate it when parents chuck the shit about how disorganised you are and offer 'suggesstions' and expect you to take them. My dad dont want to pay empty rent till I come back and made me apply for college. College costs about 200/week excluding phone bill, food and laundry. If I stay outside, I pay 2000 empty rent and thereafter, 125-140/week, excluding internet, electricity bill, phone bill, transport and food. I dont know, I think its all the same. Its just a bloody psychological thing that he does not want think he's throwing away money for empty rent. He wrote me a 1800 word email to give a 'suggestion' as to why I should stay in college. Everything just seem thrown onto my shoulders and I'm just expected to carry it off.

Sometimes, I just feel like collapsing and perhaps only then he'll realise how much pressure and stress he's putting onto me. Not bad, I think this is a pretty decent length entry! No more complains about me not updating regularly.

Back onto James and me. I guess it has almost been 3 weeks. 3 weeks seem to be a long time for a break-up but I guess everyone learns. At least I know that I no longer tear for him. We are more friendly with each other after I guess we came to terms about us not being girlfriend boyfriend anymore. But I'm coping well. I have to or else I would have buckled down long ago. And since my dad chucked shit about accommodation, I guess I'll be flying home on schedule then. 22nd November, here I come! One thing sad though, my birthday this year will be pretty alone. Sigh... But I guess its alright then. Its only me getting older. 20! I'm turning 20 on the 20th of November. Pretty cool hey?

Righto, back to re-vising my script for my radio serial. Love you guys..

My Dream House/ Room

2004-10-22T01:07:00.000+10:00

Have been walking around Indooroopilly, Taringa and Toowong to look for a place to move to next year. I never knew that looking for a place to stay is so hard. I havent really been updating much anyway because I have had no life outside my studies and my accommodation problem. Which can be a good thing.. I have been spending the last 4 days in school- 8 hours straight per day just doing my assignment on "Literature is another form of Women's oppression".I think that after doing this assignment, I'm oppressed myself but then again, Its all good after I saw it go down the chute today. It was such a satisfying feeling seeing my printout today.. So for the first time last night I actually had 9 hours sleep. Prior to that, I have had like 5 hrs sleep everyday. My body is completely exhausted. But I received an email from Philip (as usual) about beautiful bedrooms. Sigh, I wish that I can find a room like these. .

ok, it was supposed to have pictures but obviously they didnt appear. I forgot how to put them in. ARGH.. Stupid me..

Snoopy!

Cool Living room.. I really want one like this

I actually prefer them with the lights

Now I think this is cool to see shooting stars every night and wish every night and make those wishes come true!

This is my favourite of them all.. A pretty angel.

Arent they nice and pretty? Now, why arent there nice and pretty houses like that in Brisbane and affordable as well. Haha, I really should go to my Lala land..

Talking with Andrew

2004-10-16T15:20:00.000+10:00

I just went to speak to Andrew just now. He's like our therapist, he should start charing money for the amount of things and advice he offers all those who have their heart broken in the house. Not that he's in a very great position himself as his girlfriend also broke up with him earlier this year. Anyway, I went to look for him to talk today and he seems to have this magical power to make me feel so much better. Even of course he could not give me back James or the friendship that we had before but he made me see the viewpoint that no one else has shown me at all. He allowed me to see the perpesctive from a guy's point of view and why James is like this. I suppose, no matter how mature you are for your age, experience always does count in matters of the heart. Perhaps a guy who have not had any experience in the heart matters do not really know how to handle break-ups. Or how to treat a girl after a break-up. Andrew made me see those points clearly or perhaps our relationship was a crush gone wrong. I guess I am now truly contented with the 3 months of memories that I have had with James. Perhaps, like Andrew, 6 years down the road, I might be receiving an email from James about this matter. I suppose its all a matter of self and how we deal with things.
Andrew, Thanks for making me see those points and making me realise that no matter how matured a guy is, age is still a big factor. Experience counts as well. I'll settle my own baggage first, throw any habouring thoughts outta my head and start on a clean slate. And talk to him again about being proper friends without any other implications..

The South Bank of Brisbane

2004-10-16T13:41:00.000+10:00

Listening to a Song that once upon a time was Kitty's and my song: Mandy Moore: Crush

I know that there is a South Bank in Victoria because Yali of s06 lives there. So this is introducing the South Bank of Brisbane. I went down with Kelly, Gen and Justina (my future housemate for next year) for a show- You got Served. Well, before I went to see that show, I went to search it up and it was rated the crappest show of the century (kinda), so I went in with pretty low expectations of that movie. Its basically a black hip hop dancing flick that shows the problems these street people face and their own ways of handling things. I guess the only thing that's worth commending in the movie is the dancing was AWESOME. You could never see those people move so well with such precision and vigour! But on the whole, the story was pretty crap, so it was right, its a pretty crappy movie. Thank goodness I only paid $5 for that movie, wouldnt have paid anything more than that to watch that movie. Anyway, after the movie, we went to walk around South Bank. Honestly, South Bank brings back alot of memories for me so I was quite reluctant to walk around because that's where we went for our 1st and 2nd date. This is why I really want to move out I suppose. Ipswich really holds too many memories, the places we go to, the things we do here. Carmen told me to stay for one semester and then move out to Fiona's place in the 2nd semester but I cant stay in this place any longer than I already am. Although, he's moving out as well but I just cant take all the places that we used to go. The walk to the train station, the walk to school, everytime I run past the Student Union, the tennis court, the Multimedia building, the library even, Room 112, Coles, too many memories in Ipswich.

Even when I go out to the city, I'll have memories: Sportsgirl, Cybercity, the Taiwanese Restaurant, the Korean Restaurant, Family, The Press Club, Lush, the bridge linking South Bank and the city but these I have no choice but to face them because eventually I'll still go out to the city. Anyway, I seriously have to stop linking every single damn thing to James or else I'll never move on with life and be stuck in this transition forever. However, I went to South Bank and the city and bought meself some coke bottles and a pair of earrings from Sportsgirl that were reduced!

When I go to the movies, I cant do without:

Coke Bottles

After the movie we had Fish and Chips at a Deck Wrap place. The chips were great, however we were too busy eating and forgot to take photos. This is us after dinner and dessert:

Kelly, me and Justina after having the best Fish and Chips at South Bank

After that, we went to walk around to take photos and met these two very friendly school girls and a guy who think that Singaporeans cant speak English. Well, figures, this is a stereotypical image of us asians anyway.
Here's us with the 2 girls:

All of us with 2 very friendly girls (That's the only words I can describe them)...

And some pictures we took of the 'Romantic Walk' thingy with the nice romantic infrastructure:

Kelly, Gen, Jus and me at the 'Romantic Walk' in South Bank

Kelly, Jus and me at the 'Romantic Walk' Can you guys see the nice nice structure of the walkway?

And Gen trying to get the perfect lighting for us...

Ahh.. the light's too bright

Lastly, my conquest from Sportsgirl:

Pink earrings from Sports girl

Well, that's my trip last night. Honestly, when Nic told me that she was not coming home today, I was really really down. That's why last night I slept in Amy's room even though she didnt come back to the room to sleep but still, I suppose its the thought that there is someone on this side of the house that counts. I have to thank her for loaning me Bobbie's room last night to sleep in and also well James Choi for talking to me.He specially took off to talk to me cause I'm depressed. I'm really grateful for that. I know that there are alot of people who care about me but I suppose I have said this before, this is something that I know I'll have to get over myself. Love you guys for all the care and concern hey? I'm flying home soon so I can see you'll. Righto, I have neglected this thing call work for a couple of days, I have to get down and get some work done. Argh, its so hard to write a feminist literature paper..

That's the way it is...

2004-10-14T23:15:00.000+10:00

Sitting in the cold wind today in my running attire, I was just thinking what if... But I guess that there is no point in thinking about that anymore because there will never be a what if. Honestly, I had haboured home but attitudes have changed that. Now I have come to the conclusion that ok, I'm too used to being the girlfriend. I have to lay back the foundation bricks that we were last time ie, we were online friends. So I guess I'll just stick to talking to him online if I have to look for him because there's simply no point for me to get hurt everytime I see his cold facial expressions. Things are getting slightly better everyday, we can actually make subtle references to our relationship. I guess I'm getting there. Really thankful for alot of people who care about me, people who let me know what I'm not alone here, people who volunteer to fly over to comfort me. Today Nic gave me this song Celine Dion- That's the way it is. She said that every word of this song is exactly what she wants to say to me. I would have uploaded the song to be the background music but the free ripway thing has a limit on how much I can actually upload. But I was very touched when I heard the lyrics of the song:

I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.

Nic, I know that you'll never read this because you dont even know I have a blog. But I guess what I'm trying to say is Thank you for being there for me all the way, from before, during and after. I understand what you're going through right now having the same situation just 4 days ago but I suppose I cant really say much to help because this is something we'll have to pick ourselves up. Sitting in the cold wind made me think alot today, not just what if but also what Reuben had to go through. Previously, I was unsympathetic towards him and could never understand why could he just not move on with life because I did. I guess being on the other side of things enable me to understand what he went through. I'm glad that now he has properly moved on with life. Sometimes even though everyone says dont think that way, but I suppose really: What goes round comes round. Perhaps its good that I get my heart broken again, then I can remember how is it like and not take it for granted again.

The Subject on Love

2004-10-13T14:17:00.000+10:00

I have been heart broken since Sunday. I havent stopped crying since Sunday night. I cant be alone or else my mind will start to wander and start crying. Hurt come in waves and these waves keep coming just from daily activities. Anyway, I got this email from Philip about love. Made me think about why he broke up with me. Made me understand a little about his cold harsh attitude towards me. However, this does not mean that I'm not crying and bleeding inside. Because I am and will be till I fly home and heal properly.

Every person will need to find four people in their lives. The First personis you. The Second person is the one you love most. The Third person is theone who love you most. And the Fourth is the one you spend the rest of yourlife with.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn howlove feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person wholoves you most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others andbeing loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you willfind the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the restof your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.The one you love most doesn't love you. The one, who loves you most, isnever the one you love most. And the one you spend your life with, is neverthe one you love most or the one who loves you most. He is just the personwho happens to be at the right place at the right time. Which person areyou in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart. At the point in time whenhe loves you, he really loves you. But when he doesn't love you anymore, hereally doesn't love you anymore. When he loves you, he can't pretend thathe doesn't. Same goes, when he loves you no more, there's no way he canpretend he loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you. You must askyourself if you still love him, If you also don't love him anymore, do notkeep him just to save your pride. If you still love him, you should wishhim happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, notstop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the onehe loves, it shows you already don't love him, And if you don't love him,what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive, if you like the moon, you can't just take it downand put it in your basin. But the moonlight still shines upon you. In otherwords, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing theperson. Let him become a permanent memory in your life. If you really lovea person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points,and the bad. You can't wish for him to become like what you like him to bejust because you love him. If he can't change to become what you like himto be, you don't love him anymore. When you really love a person, youcannot find a reason why you love him, you only know that no matter whenand where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be withyou.

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems withoutasking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to putin effort and give in at times, and not always be on the receiving end.Being away from each other is a type of test. If the relationship isn'tstrong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.

Real love will never become hate. I guess no matter how badly you treat me, I'll still love you. Slowly but surely I'll get over you but you're wrong, you're the hardest to get over because I got together with you and you broke my heart. I'll get over you but I'll never forget you. Maybe one day you'll forget me, but I know I'll never forget you just as I never forgot Nick.
I'll stop writing a diary about us cause it will just hurt me more. Bits and pieces will leave my memory but you will always be part of my memories.

What is presence?

2004-10-11T14:17:00.000+10:00

Hey all.. Received an email from Ying Ying.. I thought it was really meaningful. I probably wont be doing much personal blogging because my life would be swarmed with assignments and I doubt anyone would want to read about that. Plus, if I blog, it will always be about him. I'm trying to get over it so that's probably not the best idea.

A man going abroad to work leaves his fiancee crying.
"Don't worry, I will write you everyday," he said.
For years he did write her.
But since he was happy with his job, he had no immediate plans of going home.
One day, he received a wedding invitation.
His girlfriend was scheduled to be married.
To whom? To the mailman bringing regularly the letters of her boyfriend!
Indeed, distance does make hearts flounder.
The poor boyfriend surely explained, "What went wrong? I sent her letters, chocolates, and flowers."

When relationships go wrong, the list of things given and done for the person usually crops up. We say, "I have given you this and that... I have done these things for you." It seems that love is simply proven by the bestowal of gifts and favors. But while presents are important, love demands what is basic: 'presence of the beloved'.

I have observed for instance, the orchids of my mother's. When she's away for a long time, they are unhealthy and many of them wither. But when she is around, they bloom with beautiful flowers. My mother does nothing exceptional. She just spends much time talking and caressing them.

I guess persons all the more require a caring presence.

Love is fundamentally a commitment to a person. We may be committed to our business, job, hobby, sports and clubs. But strictly speaking, they cannot love us back. Only a person can love us in return, and for that matter, the highest commitment as human beings, is spending time with those persons we love.

And since people need affection and nourishment, material things can only help up to a certain degree in fostering love. But it can never replace the greatest gift of presence becuz everyone needs someone - be it friends, parents, siblings or simply that 'special' one.
Being there for someone need not necessary mean having to say alot. Words are sometimes redundant. Remember that 'presence' (to be there for someone) is more than enough.

"What Is Most Valuable Is Not What You Have In Your Life, But Who You Have In Your Life"

In our pursuits, let's not neglect spending quality time with the most important person of our lives. =)

Just on a personal note: Sometimes even if you have the person you love in your presence, it may not just be enough. However, memories of those quality times that you spent will make it a whole lot different.

I guess..

2004-10-10T20:43:00.000+10:00

I suppose it takes two hands to clap in everything..
I guess a single-sided me is not enough..
I'll be strong and play my side of the story well.

This post is to my tomato....

2004-10-08T14:57:00.000+10:00

I am in school now at 2.58pm. I had 6 hours of sleep last night, from 3am to 9am this morning. Which technically should be more than enough but I still feel tired, very tired. Maybe the fact that I'm supposed to be doing work tires me out. I have a 1500 word essay on "How important is Racial Reconciliation to contemporary Australia?" and I am stuck at 331 words. Its alright, in the sense its due next wednesday. I still have time, regardless, I'll have an essay out by Tuesday by hook or by crook. But since I'm stuck at this essay, I thought I might write a letter to my tomato. I dont think he'll ever read it, but I suppose I just want it on the net, with a hope that he might read my blog (which I seriously doubt) but nontheless, since I'm forbidden to send him that email, I'll do it in my blog.

Dear Tomato,
How have you been? I think it has been awhile since I've actually talked to you properly. Well, since Sunday night. After that, you and I have been busy with work. I think perhaps that you being stressed is not the best side of you at all. Same goes for me. I have been paranoid all week. I do admit that the thought of breaking up did cross my mind, even yesterday. You said that I have been asking whether anything's wrong for the past week. Well, obviously when I ask that, I do think that there is something wrong. At least I think that there is something wrong in our relationship. Or perhaps and hopefully that this is the case that we are just spending too much together and that you and I both need our space. Or perhaps, I just dont mean as much to you anymore. I remember we didnt use to be like this. Is it because its the end of the semester and we are busy with work? I hope that this is the case. Because, I really do treasure this relationship alot and I would like it to last longer than 3 months. We have alot of shared memories that I think no one else can give me.
You have taught me alot of things about myself and about relationships in this simple 1 month and a half. Even though its your first relationship and you say that you really dont know where and what you're doing, but yet you still teach me alot that I didnt have or experienced in my previous. I know now that you show your care and concern to me in your own way and I am very grateful for that. Because I know that you care, even not openly but you do care in your actions. Always making sure that I wont fall, making sure I go to classes, getting on my assignments, listening to me whine about my dad, making sure that I dont get pushed around. You dont say it out but I know that you care alot for me. I thank you for that. Also, thanks to you that I get alot of stuff settled, learn new things, basically appreciate little things. Important thing is I trust you alot. Much more than my first.. I dont get paranoid why do you not call me or whether you are meeting girls anot. I dont because I trust you, and to me that's a very important factor. I dont trust guys easily and because of that, that's why I'm willing to try harder for this relationship. I hope that you're as well.
Now that it has come to this stage whereby I'm unsure where our relationship is heading. Perhaps you're unsure yourself about this. I dont know. I hope that by some miracle you'll read this and perhaps give me an answer. I'm leaving it entirely up to fate. It was fate that you read my entry thanking you, perhaps it might be fate that you'll read this entry. If not, then perhaps we are not meant to be..
Well, dear Tomato. I dont say this at all or well I think once or twice and you dont say it at all but I know that I love you. I hope that this is just a passing phase because I think I'll be very sad if it ends in such a short time.

Signing off,
Your Personal Amusement Centre.

Have a good weekend at home voting. Back to work I go..

Stupid Klutzy me

2004-10-07T01:33:00.000+10:00

I have a green eye, a purple chin, a grazed hip and hand. Basically all 4 limbs are hurt. Why? Because stupid klutzy me fell flat on my face yesterday, hard. For what reason? I was playing with James, and was chasing after him and lost my balance and fell flat on concrete floor outside eagle boys pizza. I really dont know what to say about myself except I'm stupid and klutzy and careless. I look bashed up. Went to school with heaps of make-up on. Havent put on that much in a long time, but still my bruises were visible. Sigh, what to do? It was so not worth it for that fall for a stupid reason. Even though I laugh and joke about my injury and let people make fun of me like that, it really does hurt, physically and emotionally as well. It hurts to think that they trying to 'cheer' me up is to make a joke out of my injury. I have had the worse fall in my life, I hardly think of it as a joke. But sometimes, it lightens the mood. I dont know.

Anyway, recently I got hooked onto this game The Sims 2. Its really addicting but lame as well. Keke, its like I'm watching my sim play computer. It sounds so weird when its said out but yet it kinda creates a world that you want to live in. I created my 'dream' guy with the perfect hair and colour and bod and stuff. Created the girl that I want to be, with the perfect hair and skin tone. Live in a perfect house, with cool stuff around. Sometimes, I just want to escape from reality to go into my perfect Sim world. Well, kinda perfect because they can be such pains sometimes. But still, its a relief from reality sometimes. Thing is, this game is at James computer, so I cant access it anytime I want to. But I suppose that could be a good thing so that I can get my work done. But still.. I am so tempted to install it in my computer.

Righto, enough about the Sims. Sigh, I think maybe James and me drifting apart. We had quite a good talk about the problem of initiative and communication. Think he is under alot of stress and not really acting himself, thus he is colder? Like today, he told me he was going to sleep. Turned off his computer. When I came back to the room, I saw him sign in at msn. Which meant he turned on his computer again. It could mean nothing, he could mean something. Of course I wish it would mean nothing. It takes alot of self control to just not go over to his room to check. I dont want to seem to be a very possessive and paranoid girlfriend. I probably am, just trying not to portray that in front of him. Regardless, he is not the only one with assignments due and have alot of school work. I also have 2 assignments due in 2 weeks. Same as him. Sigh, I dont even know what am I talking about anymore. I think I'll stop looking for him for awhile, maybe for like 2 weeks? It would take ALOT of self-control for that to happen. Seriously, I dont think I have the discipline for that. But I'll try... If me being away froom him can make him do better and let him concentrate and stuff, then I suppose, I should not be selfish. I probably could get more work done, which is a good thing.

Topic for the week: How important is racial reconciliation to contemporary Australiansociety? Honestly, my whole semester is concentrated on racial reconciliation for this course which is utterly boring. And after being bumped around by the UQ people for my transfer of course. I finally manage to get an appointment with someone who hopefully will have some idea as to which direction I can go.

Sigh, many many problems, I have little solutions for them.

a sweet thing i read

2004-10-05T15:18:00.000+10:00

This is a take on relationships by Sylvia. She sent me this and I just thought I'll share this. It has some element of truth in this words :

Some people wants to be in a relationship for the sake of being in 1..
Some just want a taste of it cos they've never been in love..
Some just missed being in one..
Some entered into 1 due to foolish actions..
Some just couldn't control it!

The 3 magical words are no doubt special but it doesn't mean u can only use it sparingly..
Girls don't ask guys "Do u love me" for nothing..
They asked because the can sense something amiss in the relationship
And it's definately out of insecurity and they need some assurance
If u really love somebody, best to let them know before they decide to leave your life..

You cant escape love baby..
If it comes, just embrace it
If it doesn't, u can't do anything to speed it's arrival so enjoy singlehood as much as u can..

And I found this at this website---> Simply Ethel Dot Com She wrote this entry that I thought was very nice.

my problem

2004-10-03T13:13:00.000+10:00

Ok, I was saying I had a problem to talk about. Sigh* You noticed that in my previous post, there's no mention of James at all since he went home? That's because he didnt contact me at all ever since he went home on Wednesday. Yeah for sure we contacted but that's because I always either called or smsed him first. He never takes the initiative to contact me. The only time he contacted me on his own is because he needed photos of us from me to be sent to him. I mean if he didnt need something from me, in the course of 4 days, would he even contact me at all?I seriously doubt so. This is not only like these 4 days. Usually at home, its always me who take the initiative to look for him. I know that we are living in the contemporary times and we should have no problems with girls taking initiative about things in a relationship, but its like everytime its me who look for him, never the other way round. I feel like I'm the guy in the relationship. Granted, he's young and you know probably not experienced but I feel that the status of the word girlfriend is just there because I am, I'm more like a friend that anything else. If he doesnt need something from me, its like I dont exist at all. In fact these 4 days, I think I didnt exist at all in his life except for when I called or smsed him. It seems as if he dont care. Perhaps I'm asking for too much.
Am I?

Its been awhile

2004-10-02T23:12:00.000+10:00

Its been awhile since I last posted. I wont say alot of things have happened in between my last post and today. Its my holidays which is ending in about 24 hours. I have been saying that I want time to pass me by quicker so that James can come home earlier tomorrow. But now that Saturday is here, I want my holidays is be longer because I need my rest to catch on my sleep and my body needs to rest from all the activities that I have been having. I have come to realise that I cant always rely on people calling me to go out, I have to take the initiative ask people whether they want to go out anot. I probably should have realised long ago that the world does not revolve around me, (stupid self-centered me), and ask people out when I need someone around me. Anyway, a rundown on what I have done this week of holidays. I have no work due right after the spring break so I have a relatively easy break, basically slacking and having nothing to do, which probably made the holidays a little worse. Anyway...

Monday & Tuesday:
James was still around so basically I was spending time with him. Actually not alot even because he had work to do and couldnt really spend time with me. Not that I'm complaining about that, because school work comes first before me. But nontheless he was around which is always good. He was packing to go home on tuesday and I was really upset. I suppose it was the length of time that he was going to leave that really shook me as I was so used to having him around and suddenly, for 5 days I dont have someone around me. Which is bad, as this shows how much I have relied on him especially since my 'wonderful' relationship with my housemates now aint improving.

Wednesday:
It was horrible on wednesday. I was all home alone, literally. My roomate had school, the 2 Singaporean guys went diving (again, I was not included). Never mind, everyone just wasnt home. So I stayed home alone, watching movies and started messaging people whether they were free. Turns out, no one is. Sigh, went back to school to use the net and luckily for Daphne to help me pass time. I had to help her with her secret thingy for someone so that took up about 3 hours of the afternoon. Came home, watched more movies, slacked, and then made arrangements to visit Kareen at unilink.

Thursday:
Woke up at a leisure time. Watched more movies, did laundry and went off the Kareen's place at unilink. I have not been to unilink myself on foot someone, kinda got abit lost. Panicked but in the end, got there safely. Spent the rest of the day there just chilling, made some new friends, looking at her photos. Just basically chilling with a friend. Havent done that for ages and she cooked dinner for me! Cooked a Cantonese dessert, and home cooked dinner. Havent had home cooked food in awhile, never had SOUP in a long time. Keke, Kareen is so motherly and I love her food. And she was really nice to invite me to Habourtown on Friday.

Friday:
Went to Harbourtown with Kareen, Edwin, Joanna and Jasmine. I made new friends with Joanna and Jasmine. Its always good to make new friends. Harbourtown, I have been there about 3 times already.Personally I find that place quite boring, even though there're supposed to be alot of shopping to do but its still quite boring. But yesterday it was quite a different experience. I guess its the people that u go with that matters. Basically I bought quite abit of stuff, blew my budget for the month. Have to withdraw money like 1 week in advance. Very tired but importantly, I enjoyed myself very much. Thanks Kareen for inviting me.

Today (Saturday):
Went out with Fiona.Havent seen her since like Febuary, when I came. Since I was really bored, I called her and we went out to the city. Brisbane can be so boring really, just walk around. Bought more stuff today. ARGH.. I really need to stop spending. Oh and I bought mooncakes as well. Keke, at a discount as well. But its not as cheap as the ones we get in Chinatown on the day of mooncake festival. But nontheless, I still managedto enjoy myself.

I have a problem to pose but I need to call Yeongshi at her party. Tata people..

Once upon a time

2004-09-27T02:44:00.000+10:00

Yesterday night I went out with James to the city to have dinner and went to have some drinks. Oh, and I met Fiona in Cybercity. Havent seen her since the month I came to Australia. I was so glad to see her when I did. She is still so pretty and thin, I'm jealous. Anyway, I am talking to Daphne online now and we went to have a look at what did we blog about exactly one year ago. Its pretty interesting to look at that. Even though mine entry is 2 days earlier, its still fun to look at. This is the blog entry of mine on the 25th September 2003. It's really interesting to find out what you did like a year before on this exact day. Anyway, enough about remicing, James and me were really totally bored yesterday and so we came up with a story about us. 2 very happy people.

Once upon a time, there lived 2 very bored, depressed people.

A very Bored James

A very bored me

A very depressed James

A very depressed me

I guess that's why they were perfect for each other.

This was what we did on our first date

This was what we did on our second date

this is what we did on our third date

Seems really depressing huh? But these 2 people were brought back from their depressing moods and became happy people.

A very happy James

A very happy me

They were very happy together and took each other out of their boredom and depressiveness.
Once upon a time...

Hello All Again

2004-09-24T01:58:00.000+10:00

Hello All again! I havent blogged in a week! Gasp,that's a pretty long time for me cause I usually will blog every 2-3 days but it has been a week. I suppose nothing's really been up except work (school work that is) as many would have known, I have had an 2000 word essay about Tarzan due on Monday and I have another 1500 word essay on Euthanasia due tomorrow, which thankfully I have finished. The Spring Break therefore is officially here for me! However, I have no plans whatsoever as to what I am going to do in this break. Its kinda sad as last time, whenever we had breaks, we'll plan ahead as to what we are going to reward ourselves with but this time, its different. The problem is still there, I'm still excluded. When James goes home for the Spring Break, that would really be a big problem. I would really be bored, being the only person in the house. Tomorrow, they are going out again, and once again, I'm not asked. Bleah, its really sad. But well I suppose its one or the other and I really am confused. But time will not and can not be turned back now, therefore I'll face this and move on.
Anyway, went to the city with Siobhan yesterday (yes, I still do have some friends from uni) and we just did window shopping. Seriously, with $20 in your wallet, there's not much you can do. But there were so much stuff I really wanted to get. There was this yellow halter top that was gorgeous and I knew that it would match perfectly with my skirt that I want to wear to the Maroon 5 concert. However, that bloody top costs $90. Walked around abit more, tried on clothes, spring is here so summer wear is in! Clothes to buy again! Damn but I have put on so much weight, I'll not even dare to step on the scales. Anyway, I have not done real shopping in a long time, since the June holidays I think but I always seem to be broke. I honestly wonder why. Sigh but I guess I have to save up for the stuff I have to buy home in 2 months. At the rate I'm going, I'll not have enough money to buy stuff for people back home.
However, hopefully we'll be going water skiing with this guy from church. Things will look up from there I hope. Oh and I may go up to Sunshine Coast (James home) to the beach there! Yayness, spring break here I come!

Saturday

2004-09-18T13:34:00.000+10:00

It happened again today. They went out and I only found out during lunch time. When I went back to my room. Am I always so left out now? I really dont know what to do with this problem. Luckily for me, I have a 2000 word essay to complete to take my mind off this. Really, or else I think I might just break down. Its not a nice feeling to be swept aside by your own people. I dont know lah, I just dont know what to say. Well, I suppose back to Tarzan then..

You mean alot to me

2004-09-15T00:37:00.000+10:00

No matter how much I diss you in front of my friends. I know I do that alot, especially in front of you. I guess I dont want to show you that I'm weak, I dont want to show that I'm dependent on you because I know that's not healthy. I dont want to scare you away from me if you knew how much you actually mean to me. I try to act brave in front of you but deep down I'm not. Those who act brave are in fact those who are the most cowardly. I am cowardly, that's why I dare not admit my weakness to you, to try to not show you my weak side. In fact,I talk so much about you with my friends when you're not around that they will get sick of it. You are a great person who tolerates all my shit. I am really afraid of the day that you'll be gone because I know that that day will come. Sometimes I think to myself, what did I do to deserve someone like you? When you're gone, all I have are memories, nothing concrete. What a shame because our times together are precious to me. My friends love you like I do because they know you have brought alot of sunshine into my life, lifted me up when I was really down, there for me when they could not. I guess I never say these things out because I dont want to show I'm weak but I do care for you alot and I dont mean half the mean stuff I say to you. I guess I just want to say that you mean alot to me, alot more than you think you do.

An Article to Share

2004-09-13T15:30:00.000+10:00

Got this email from Philip. He always sends me heart-warming stuff and updates about what's going on back in Singapore, even National Day fireworks and things like the new 24hour Coffee Club in Cineleisure, pictures of my old work place. Thank you Philip for these little things in life. I really do appreciate them alot. Anyway, here's another one of those heart-warming articles.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that
it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar
was full.

They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things --- your God, your family, your children, your health,
your friends, and your favorite passions --- things that if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff. "If you put
the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important
to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix
the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first, the things that
really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always
room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Treasure what you have..

Isolated

2004-09-10T23:33:00.000+10:00

Is it that when you get closer to someone, your world is just full of that person and you dont think about other people? Thus, when others have seen that you're like that, they isolate you from their activities. When this close person is gone, you realise how much you have distanced from your friends because too much time was spent else where. Do you ever wonder how people balance between relationships and friendships? Is there such a thing as a perfect balance between the two? Or is it that we can only choose between one of these and lose the other like forever.

I used to have a belief that I must have a life outside my relationship. And with my first relationship, I did. I had too much of a life outside him so much so that he said I treated my friends better than I treated him. But to me, friends are important because friends are for life. My friends, those that I'm close with, I've been friends with them for like 3-4 years? Some even longer and these are the people who have pulled me through tough, horrible downs of my life. How can I ever forget them and not spend time with them? However, I spent too much time with them, probably treated them even better than my boyfriend, perhaps that's what caused a downfall in my first failure.

Every new place we go to, we make new friends. Whether anot we can make friends that stay by our side is a different thing. I used to think that I'm a very people people person. I'm the kind of person where at least half the school knows my name and I know half the school. Friendships are made to be maintained, if we get too distracted or whatever, these friendships are lost. I'm now in my 2nd relationship and told myself that ok, I dont want to treat my friends better my boyfriend again and have a repeat of what happened. I will have a life outside him but I will spend more time with him than the rest. This has obviously taken a toll on my relationship with my housemates. James and me are seen as one and we spend so much time together that I have not actually talked to Colin, Andrew, Amy in a long time. Today, a couple of people from uni came over to visit Nicole and the whole lot of them all went into Colin's room while I'm here typing this sad blog entry out. I dont mean to say I dont enjoy spending time with James but am I spending too much time with him and neglecting other people that matter as well? Today, he went home and I feel isolated from the rest of the house. This is not a nice feeling to have, I dont think its any of them like purposely not talking to me but its just that they are probably so used to not having me around anymore that I'm no longer included in their activities. I told myself I must have a life outside James but am I really practicing what I preach? Maybe now our relationship is in a honeymoon stage but when it gets to another stage would it have been too late with my friendship with my housemates? Would I have been totally excluded. I dont think it would be that extreme and maybe just pmsybecause the last time I feel like that I'm pmsy(sorry guys, probably a detail that you guys didnt need to know). Anyway, I just feel that I dont belong anymore. I'm Singaporean,Asian whichever, but yet I feel that I dont belong. Why?

Maroon 5 concert

2004-09-09T11:24:00.000+10:00

There is a Maroon 5 concert on my birthday. 20th November for people who dont know. *glares at them* But thing is the tickets are going to be sold in like 2 days. I'm kinda worried that if I buy the tickets now, and if I need time off to pack and stuff, I may not want to go? Argh, internally tearing myself apart. Should I or should I not go? The tickets are going for $62.60. How?

Oh plus this is going out to all 01s01-ers. Erm James Choi and me are thinking of organising a holiday like next winter (aka July 2005). I know this is like almost 1/2 year earlier but its like you know, if you guys want to come or whatever, must start saving money up and work your asses off during the holidays right? So this is warning in advance. Ok, originally we wanted to go to New Zealand but the cost of a tour package to N.Z. cost too much- $3000 which I think other than James Choi, no one else can afford it. So we decided to scrap that and go to like either Melbourne or Sdyney or better yet do both. You see, at least in this 2 places, my James and me will know people and I think it would be easier to settle accommodation and places to bring you guys. Most importantly, we dont have to go to expensive tour packages coz Australia is easy to work with! Just get a map, open our mouths a couple of times and we'll get to wherever we want. So anyway, this is a proposal lo.. I hope to get like a class holiday, I know its expensive and alot of factors to consider, that's why I'm putting this up for you guys so early so that you know you HAVE to save money eh? Anyway, people, tell me what you think. *hugz*

Stripped of Dignity

2004-09-06T21:47:00.000+10:00

I have been insulted today.
Slapped on the face so bad, it was shocking.
I am not a kid anymore.
You are not my fucking mother.
I govern my own fucking life, bitch.
I have been stripped of dignity.
Fuck off..

Overdue Pics

2004-09-05T16:06:00.000+10:00

This is like long overdue pictures from last week from when I got Drunk again. Heh, I really cant hold my alcohol very well cant I? Pretty sad, but anyway, here are pictures of my first vodka shot and riverfest and my outing yesterday.

=============================Vodka Night=============================

Getting ready to drink it down- Bobbie and me

Before

Down Down Down

MmMmM... After...

=================================Riverfest2004========================

me and James before the Fireworks

Fireworks lit up the sky..

More fireworks lit up the sky

Fireworks from the boat

My favourite picture of all!

The Grand Finale

Tired after a day out at the Riverfest
===============================Back again at South Bank one week later==============

View of South Bank from Goodwill Bridge

Paddle Boat aka Floating Restaurant aka Party boat

Us covering the beautiful view. Not so beautiful after all eh?

Us resting after walking ages and ages around the city

Hungry and Tired James
====================================End of Pictures fiasco==========================
I really had fun last night though we didnt do much in particular, just walking around South Bank, having coffee. Oh but I hadlike 4 meals yesterday. Feeling so piggish now but its all good I suppose. I have to run if only it stops raining. This week probably has more rain in the whole year. What crap! Just when I want to get into my exercise regime (yeah right) but anyway, oh and I bought this yesterday as well Buffy the Backside Slayer. Its supposed to be exfoliating for my skin, I didnt really intend to use it on my butt but on my back instead. When I come back to Singapore,I'll buy more Lush products especially the Mask of Magnaminty. I simply love their products all handmade cosmestics. Sigh, I'm supposed to be doing my tutorial preperation, after one hell week, I want to just slack and that I cant even do. Stupid, I suppose I should get back to Visual pleasure and Narrative cinema.

What Can a Hug Do?

2004-09-05T11:14:00.000+10:00

What Can a Hug Do?

A hug is a wonderful gift to share,
A way to show each other that we care;
There is so much a hug is able to do,
When you feel those arms holding you.

A hug is a place to feel safe and warm,
A comfort for a sad heart that is torn;
An expression of the love in our heart,
For ones who we wish, never to be apart.

A hug is a greeting when we meet to say hello,
Or to say goodbye when we have to go;
It can hold us up when life gets us down,
And makes us smile, instead of frown.

A hug can be given for no reason at all,
And given to those, both big and small;
We're never too old to feel the joy it brings,
As it is one of life's most pleasing things.

And for all of this beauty, a hug is free!
It costs nothing, yet means so much to me;
We should all hug another to show we care,
For to feel a warm hug, nothing can compare.

Here's a hug going out from me to everyone! *hugz*

Hello all once again

2004-09-01T17:09:00.000+10:00

I'm just going crazee with these colours! Whee.. I'm abit cranky, mainly because its raining right now, my clothes are never going to get dried(that's really bad), I've just had a test today which I dont think I'll do well for. Honestly, I have no idea what I even writing about. Something about the title of the short story. This is why I never really liked literature( no offense to people out there who loves lit) but I simply dont get it myself. I dont understand and dont know how to read beyong face value, which is really bad because I'm supposed to. And the last time I actually touched lit was in sec 2? Eons and eons ago.. Nevertheless, I think I'll pass (hopefully) but wont do well. I wont be too sad about it because I cant, I have simply too much stuff to do. Week 6 is a killer week! I had an assignment due on Monday which I stayed up till 3am on Sunday morning to do, waking up at 9am, stayed up till 230am on Monday night and got up at 10am. Yesterday night, slept at 330am, got up at 9am again for class. At this rate I'm having such irregularly sleeping patterns, I'm going to join the endangered species of pandas of China and munch on bamboos everyday. Hang on, that sounds like a great idea compared to what I have to go through right now. Pandas! Here I come

Right forgive me, I'm really off the rock here. I have been sleeping weird times since Thursday night. I know that its all my fault, sleeping late, not doing my homework till the very last minute. I swear that I'll never have a repeat of Sunday night again. I submitted an essay that I've no idea what I wrote on. Only thing I remembered was the title: Waltzing Matilda : Gender and the Political Implications (something like that). And I have another assignment due on Friday (which I have not started yet) about euthanasia. I'm just lucky that these assignments are first assignments of each course and therefore the word counts are pretty little and the percentages are pretty small too or else I think I'm a goner this semester.
*Jess you've to wake up and stop spending time elsewhere! /slaps myself*

And I'm pissed off with one of my tutors, in fact I think the whole course people hates her. She's the most immature, unprofessional teacher I've ever seen at university level. She throws tantrums, telling her students that she has had a long day and dont piss her off. As if she's the only one who has had a long day. What rubbish, she goes on to say she's in a grumpy mood and all that crap. So immature and unprofessional! I'm not going to go more as it will make my blood really boil as I have see her tomorrow about my assignment. This course is nuts, they return your assignments without a grade, make you fill in a self-criteria/ evaluation form thingy and tell yourself what kind of grades you deserve and then go see her and talk about your assignment. Argh, as if 2 hours per week is not enough to look at her, we still have to spend time individually to talk about our assignment with her. When she's the one who decides the final mark anyway. Ok, *tries to calm myself down*, I'll not talk about her anymore.

Anyway, over the weekend, I went down to the Riverfest at South Bank to watch fireworks! They were great, I have got like photos of these fireworks and when I have more time and energy I'll post these photos up. Saturday was great, I had so much fun.. *sighs in memory* Even though its with 2 people, but 1 of them is dear to my heart and I had a great time. Alrighty then people, I have to get back to start writing euthanasia because I DO NOT want a repeat of Sunday night.

*fireworks are even greater when you're watching it with your loved ones by your side*
* ooh lala.. Its teacher's day today. HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! is it even important anymore? *

Happy

2004-08-27T15:51:00.000+10:00

Hello all! Jessica is a happy girl today despite being almost totally pissed drunk yesterday but still not having a hangover and having a total lack of sleep. Anyway, yesterday the guys wanted to drink and get drunk basically and so we had James remainder of his birthday vodka, beer, the other guys bought Johnny (SP?) Walker( the black label or something like that), I bought this vodka twist thingy with strawberry and vanilla drinks in it. Basically I wanted that to be my alcohol for the night cause I was going to talk to my parents that night. We didnt want to disturb the guys as we thought well, the guys should have a guys drinking session but Bobbie was like let's drink your shot of vodka and she got out her shot glass as well and took a shot of pure vodka. Mine's not pure vodka. I know I swore off vodka but I never shot it before, I guess it was alright, wasnt really burning or anything but Dont shot a glass of Johnny Walker, that burns your throat badly. Basically by the end of the night I was so tipsy I had to support myself when I go into the toilet and stuff. But its all good fun, we have had our 'interllectual conversations' while we were high about religion and politics and stuff. Its cool.. Even the topic on my presentation- Racial Reconciliation. Its was cool, by 230am, we were well and quite pissed and decided to go off to bed. I dont know what came over me but anyway I just became very sad and wanted someone to cry to and everything just came out I guess.

I guess a few words can explain how I'm feeling right now and Happy is one of them.

My mistress' eyes

2004-08-25T17:25:00.000+10:00

I read this poem in class today and had to pick out elements of absurdity in this poem. This poem is written by William Shakespeare, 'My mistress' eyes' (Sonnet 130).
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she bellief with false compare.

Love is absurd
but yet..
I'm in love

Fucked up group mates

2004-08-24T11:54:00.000+10:00

Listening to Madonna: La isla Bonita
They change their climate, not their soul, who rush across the sea.

I hate my group mates. You guys know how I'm working in a group of five to do a presentation on Racial Reconciliation between the whites and the aborigines. I vonlunteered to do the powerpoint presentation, probably not the smartest thing to do but well since no one wanted to do it, I just say what the hell, I'll do it. But for the power point presentation to be even complete, people must give their points for their slides right? No, one quits school and claims that she has sent me an email about her points like 3 times and sent another group mate of mine the points as well. I sent another email to both of them and ask for the points. My presentation is tomorrow mind you guys, and I still dont have her points and we cant cut her part out because she's doing the history of reconciliation. I mean I feel sorry that she is not going back to uni and stuff(this is really common here apprantly), they lose pieces of their lives and decide a few years later they want to study and come back to study anyway. Quite stupid, I wont comment on that further. And the other group mate? She seems bloody dynamic and everything, but she has been ignoring all my calls, my smses and everything and the next time I'm going to see ANY of them at all is tomorrow which is the day of my presentation. Why am I so 'blessed' with such group mates who seem like they are from hell. I'm really getting very agitated over this matter cause I mean I put in the effort to do this presentation and its like I was the one branded for not doing research and all that stuff and now, I'm the one who has to chase them to get their stuff done. I honestly think our presentation will be the worse one among all those we have seen so far. To think we have 'planned and organized' everything from the first week and now this is the week of our presentation and now this happens. I'm like what the hell. Argh, this is why I hate to work with Aussies sometimes, actually most of the time. Last semester also like that, difference is last semester its an individual group presentation. Everyone prepares their own work and just present what they have. This time its different. I had better calm down or else wrinkles will appear soon at this rate its going.
I'm also positively fed-up with my college application for next year. Its so bloody troublesome that its even harder to apply for college than to apply for university. I didnt think it was that hard. What a bitch just to apply to stay and pay heaps in the bloody college. Argh, I think this week is really bad, wait in fact the past 2 weeks have been like that. Fed-up.
I guess what can make up for it is time spent with him. I think we have gone closer as good friends over the past few weeks. So much so that I'm quite distracted from my work. Heh I know he wont read my blog I think but nevertheless I'm just saying Thank you to him for all the time spent putting up with me and listening to me whine about everything and anything daily. I do know now that you appreciate spending time with me, but perhaps you dont know that I too appreciate having time spent with you. Although, I'm quite confused in what I feel about you right now but I'm sure that it will be alright once I get my bearings right. After all I have only 3 more months left in this place before I have to move on to another place while you move on to another uni. I guess there are many aspects that I'll miss spending time with you. The times where you try to imitate my expressions, the stupid dance in the cinema, the times where you're playing the game and I support everyone else who kills you while you still supported me while I had a go at the game, the times where you feel bad that you passed your sickness to me and was the only one who constantly asked me if I was feeling alright, the times we just sat there and talked about next year and what we will miss about this place, the times we just laid there and kept quiet but yet I felt that those are our best conversations, the times where you gave up struggling and just let me whack and bite and what nots, the times where you fight back but yet still trying to be chauvinistic, the times you find my bony bits comfy(that I still dont get), our law and order times, our gossiping times, many many things that I want to remember forever and have happy memories about them. Thank you for everything.
Perhaps one day I can have a video camera and just tape all our good times together and I'll be contented.
I know I keep saying Thank You and perhaps repeatedly saying it might make it lose its meaning but no other words can express my gratitude cause I'm truly grateful.
Thank You.

Saturday

2004-08-21T21:23:00.000+10:00

Sigh, I dont like Saturdays. Even though its the weekend, its kind of like meaning that school's starting in 2 days time. You see I have a super long weekend, therefore Friday feels like Sunday to me but then again when Sunday comes, I'll be grumbling that time is never enough for me to finish my work. Perhaps if I dont blog as often, then I'll have more time to study. Heh, but who in their right minds will choose study over blogging? (Basically wasting time..)
Yesterday was a bloody time wasting day. I wanted to put a video into a powerpoint presentation. Thing is its in a proper video, therefore I have to change it into an mpeg version to put into my presentation but lo and behold, poor James ran up and down to help me with the thing. We spent 3 bloody hours in the classroom trying to do the thing and in the end what was achieved? NOTHING! Argh, I tell you I'm so pissed off at it and actually still a little disappointed about it cause I did promise my group members that I'll get it done but in the end I didnt , so its like I let them down. Bleah.. Feel bad, on top of it all, I'm broke. I have to still pay 33 bucks to register for college next year. What crap and worse of it all, my stupid landlady went off at me for eating cereal after dinner. What the fuck man. Cereal is for anytime and anywhere. "It is absolutely riddiculous that people eat cereal after dinner and lunch". I mean like HELLO! Get the hint if someone eats cereal after your dinner or lunch. Not in a very good mood.

Boring DAY

2004-08-19T13:59:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I had my long day. I made a vow I'll blog every wednesday cause its a form of release for me because every wednesday I get very PMSy. Sometimes I wonder why myself. I fixed my own timetable, I chose this timing knowing full well that its tiring but yet I still did it. When we were in JC, sch started at 745am in the morning, I have to get up at 545am every single day and most of the time my day ends at 545pm or with training it ends at 9pm. Every day, day in day out, I have no problem with this lifestyle, now having a straight 7 hour day per week and I'm complaining every week about it. Am I getting weaker? Wait, I think the appropriate word is older already. I have been told a million times that 2 years is not a long time. 2 years is about as long as college years, 2 years is just a transition from 18 to 20 but I have no idea why, I feel particularly old this year. Perhaps it is because I am older than most of the people in my class and much less mature(sadly). I used to think that once I hit 18, everything will just go downhill, in fact things are just moving along and if I dont catch up and move along with the world, I'm doomed. Perhaps, that's why I'm tiring out already. I havent even started my working life yet and I'm tired out already.
Yesterday I was reading my friendster testimonials from my friends and suddenly I miss home so much. I miss my friends, the times and the crap that we go through. The friends that stood by me when I had trouble with my parents, friends that stood by me when I had relationship problems, friends I could just whine and confide to, friends that stood by each other in competitions, friends that give encouragement to me in my studies, friends that send me things when they know that I'm very stressed up for my exams, friends who constantly ask about my well-being, friends who look out for me even though I have not seen them in years... Friends that will always be there for me. I just thought of all my friends last night, I wanted to list out all my friends in my head mentally and found that the list is too long, I'm afraid that I'll miss someone out because each and every one of you are dear to me. I hate it when I start missing home and my friends, not that I dont want to miss them but it just makes me sad.
I love you guys. Really.
Hugz
And Amy, I know you'll never read this but Happy 20th Birthday gal. I know how much you have sacrificed to make me happy. I'll always appreciate it from the bottom of my heart and I wish you all the best.
And you, you'll not read this I know but nontheless, I love you too..

Ekka 2004

2004-08-17T01:39:00.000+10:00

I went down to the Ekka on Saturday. If you're wondering what's the Ekka, its actually a Brisbane Carnival that has the full works. I went down on the last day. Havent really been into such a Carnival before but I heard from friends and stuff that the fireworks would be very nice and that there are many showbags to buy(which I did by the way) and yeah, so this is a brief glance of what the Ekka's all about. Not much though cause we spent the whole day shopping literally with Bobbie, Nicole, Kirk(Bobbie's boyfriend) and me! The guys werent very interested in the carnival but they did regret not going after we came back! Aha..

Nic, Bobbie and me inside the Showbag Pavillion

3 of us resting at the arena after our showbag binge!

Me and Nic with our M&M plush toys

3 of us at the Arnott's carriage

Me and Nic resting and refusing to get up anymore
--------------------------------Stuff I bought from the Ekka------------------------

All the showbags I bought

Brief overview of what I bought at the Ekka

Toasted Marshmallows- 4 packets for $5(shared half with Nicole)

Mega Warheads showbag- $5

The Coca Cola showbag- $18.50

The FHM Showbag(OohLalaguys)- $10
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Basically that's all to my show bags though it seems as if its not alot but I spent quite abit of money that day. After the Ekka, Nic and me went to meet Amy at chinatown after her work to have dinner. So we had dinner at the Singapore-lah restaurant. It was cool, had a girls' day and night out. Came back totally exhausted though but I think its all worth it! The fireworks were awesome, I may be swaku but its the first time I saw life fireworks and the worst thing was, my camera had a system error when it was during the fireworks, and after the last firework went up in the sky, it started working again. What crap! But nontheless, I guess I get to enjoy it then. Cant wait for the Riverfestival to come up as I heard the fireworks are even better! Anyways, back to racial reconciliation. Bummer..

Amazing work

2004-08-13T12:13:00.000+10:00

Listening to : I've never to been to me by Charlene(one my favourite songs since young)
I received an email from Philip, my ex-colleague from CPF, regarding this essay written by Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen, from Raffles Girls' School, who won the top prize in the Commonwealth Essay Competition that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries. Her short story focuses on the conflict in values between an old woman and her independent-minded daughter. Its amazing work really..

What the modern woman wants

THE old woman sat in the back seat of the magenta convertible as it
careened down the highway, clutching tightly the plastic bag on her lap,
afraid it might be kidnapped by the wind.

She was not used to such speed. With trembling hands she pulled the seat
belt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with
her
calloused fingers. Her daughter had warned her not to dirty it:
'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver
mobile
phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance',
'liquidation', 'assets', 'investments'. Her voice was crisp and
important
and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those
foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent. The
old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.

'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed
agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured
fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone
shut
and hurled it angrily towards the back seat. The mobile phone hit the
old
woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly
picked it up and handed it to her daughter.

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretense and switching to
Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of
problems.' The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and
important.

Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view mirror, wondering what
she
was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same
cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful
digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.

'Hello Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'

Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered
her
daughter telling her how an English name was very important for
'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the Ancient
Relic
to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to
her.
Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not
comprehend. 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'

The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic
bag
in defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked
almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The
old
woman got out of the back seat and made her unhurried way to the main
hall.
Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos
and
reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she
said,
not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.

The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick. She
knelt
down solemnly and whispered her now-familiar daily prayer to the gods.

'Thank you, God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these
years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a
young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with
a
swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook.
Her
love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh
(dialect for Caucasian man).

'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what
she
says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness.

'I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots
while reaping the harvest of success.

'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me
a
room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only
because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be
hindered
by her old mother. It is my fault.'

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes.

Finally, with her head bowed in reverence, she planted the half-burnt
joss
stick into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more.

The old woman had been praying for her daughter for 32 years. When her
abdomen was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that
it
was a son.

Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and
adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably a girl.

Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who
could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to
her
waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have
everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her
daughter would never have to depend on a man.

She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman
that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan;
the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded
respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak,
precious
pearls would fall out and men would listen.

She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter
grow
up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly
defied her, calling her laotu (old-fashioned in Chinese). She wanted her
mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why
she
had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent
prayer,
but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the
girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the
soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so
ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best
fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness.

The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When
her
daughter leaves the earth, everything she has will count for nothing.
People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but
she
would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt
paper
convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and
prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: that her daughter
be
happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking
on
the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry.

Being at the top is not good, the woman thought. There is only one way
to
go from there - down. The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag
and
spread out a packet of beehoon (rice vermicelli) in front of the altar.

Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain gods. How could
she
pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her
aid?
But her daughter had her own gods too - idols of wealth, success and
power
that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day
was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for
nothing
in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life
out
of her, and leave her an empty soulless shell at the altar.

The old lady watched her joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering
grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern women nowadays,
the
old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time
to
end her ritual. Modern women nowadays want so much that they lose their
souls and wonder why they cannot find it.

Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her
daughter
outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on
her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing
through
the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds
of
happiness.

They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove
along
the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.

'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I
have
been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The
property market is good now, and we managed to find a buyer willing to
pay
seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse
apartment
instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our
apartment, we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to
ourselves...'

The old woman nodded knowingly.

Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the
housework
and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to
look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and besides that, the
apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for
a
long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a
home.
There's one near Hougang, it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.

'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful
with
gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time
for
you, you'd be happier there. You'd be happier there, really.' Her
daughter
repeated as if to affirm herself.

This time, the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling
tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would
protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep
into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers traced
the white seat.

'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view mirror for her mother.
'Is everything okay?'

What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than
she intended. 'If it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.

'It's for you Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow.
I
already got the maid to pack your things,' Elaine said triumphantly,
mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.

'I knew everything would be fine.'

Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her
mother
would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only
hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now.

She had everything a modern woman ever wanted: money, status, career,
love,
power and now, freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to
weigh her down - yes, she was free.

Her phone buzzed urgently; she picked it up and read the message, still
beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10-per-cent increase!' Yes, things were
definitely beginning to look up for her...

And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her
handphone screen, the old woman in the back seat became invisible, and
she
did not see the tears.

When I read this, I realise how much a modern day woman has changed from the past. As feminist people move for independence for women with big careers, who do not need to depend on guys to survive. Sometimes, time just pass us by so fast that the things that are truly dear to us are lost and forgotten. Sometimes, its good to stop and smell the roses. Remember those dear to us, people who have helped us in the harder times, not people who stick by us because of our successes. Because once these successes are gone, so will these people and once again its those who helped during the hard times who will turn up and help. Treasure what you have and the times you have with those you treasure.

I'm bored

2004-08-12T15:34:00.000+10:00

Sighs, I'm supposed to be studying aka doing my visual literacy assignment but I'm running out of ideas to put at my hypothesis. That's the start of the assignment by the way. Found this little quiz though..

you are violet
#EE82EE

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be.

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Locked out

2004-08-12T13:36:00.000+10:00

Silence reigned in the room
Your hands covered mine as you struggled with the clasp
While I struggled with my heart
A flicker, an eye movement
And it was gone
Once again I’m locked out from your heart.
The bracelet clasp was locked.

FUNNY POST

2004-08-11T17:56:00.000+10:00

Ok, I got this email from Crystal. I think its hilarious.. Enjoy

Girls' Night Out Application form

Guys' Night Out Application form

Wednesday

2004-08-11T17:29:00.000+10:00

I think I can make it a habit to blog every wednesday cause after such a bloody long day I need somewhere I can release myself. Today is a official Ekka but I dont get this holiday. Why? Cause they say Ipswich had our own show day and we are not getting a holiday for the Ekka. While like schools in the Sunshine Coast, Gold Coast, even Ipswich has today off. Just UQ Ipswich students dont have this day off. Stupid Stupid UQ! Why am I being such a bitch about this? Well, its cause Wednesdays are my longest days. I have a 10-5 day without any break at all. Not even for lunch cause my lunch time is taken up for a group meeting. So basically at 5pm, I just a grumpy person who blames the rest of the day for her long day at school. Which is not really fair to my friends and stuff but meh, I cant be bothered really. I am flat broke, as in totally flat broke. I have no money to even eat anymore. This is crap, though I'm due to draw money like this weekend for rent but its just I'm pissed at myself that I spent so much during the holidays. Tonight we're watching a movie- Chronicles of the Roddick. Not even sure if I should go. I just have so much work to do! I have an assignment due on Monday and I havent even started it yet. I have a presentation in 2 weeks and I'm in charge of the slides. Bloody hell, there's simply so much work to do. Thinking if I should even go to the ekka on Saturday.

2004-08-09T15:46:00.000+10:00

Colin and Carmen with their new pokemon ashtrays

Christmas In July

2004-08-09T15:14:00.000+10:00

Currently Listening to :Anastacia- Left outside alone
Trying to post a story of my Christmas in July(Aug??) pictures. Hope it works.

Carmen and Maki(the one I made my present for) with reindeers

All of us from both houses for Christmas in July

All of us again

All of us yet again

Weird faces and poses
--------------------------------------2nd part--------------------------------------
This is where we got our presents and stuff.
Song listening to has changed to: Blink 182- Feeling this

Pete and Marie giving out presents

Us receiving presents
-------------------------------At the end of it all---------------------------------
Song listening to now: Bardot- These Days

Happy people with their presents

3 'Kings'

Presents I received from Bobbie(thanks heaps) and Pete and Marie

Presents I got again together with my new Devil and Angel speakers! Cool huh?

I'm finally like done! Hopefully it will turn out nice or else I'll be pissed. Alrighty back to reading 300 pages and summarizing them into 200 words. What crap!
Listening to: Oasis- Roll with it.

I've been a bad girl.

2004-08-08T00:31:00.000+10:00

I've been a bad girl today. That's all I'm going to say. Things will change from tomorrow onwards. Just let me dream about all my happy memories and let me have the strength to face my fears tomorrow. I'm stoned out, blanked out, wiped out of emotions. I feel no tears welling up inside me anymore. I feel nothing inside me, my heart has been iced from finding out something I should not have found out. I'm always the last to find out about things. Ironic how I'm listening to Happy Days because there'll be no more happy days for me. I'm told to treasure what I have, but can I bring myself to do that? Knowing that I'm hurting her? I want to give up, let everything go, live life like there's no tomorrow. Nothing I can do, nothing I can say, nothing I can even dream can change this current situation.
Have you heard of this song? Big girls dont cry?
Perhaps now I'm really a big girl now.
I've no more tears.

Sick

2004-08-07T20:38:00.000+10:00

Sigh, I'm sick. Have not been sick since I think last semester's first break. This is pathetic and sad. Damn, I hate to be sick.. Really do.. Anyway, last night we had our Christmas in July dinner! Heh, bet you guys are thinking why is there a Christmas in July? Well, that's coz over here its too hot to have christmas in December to have the whole feast thingy so we have in July though technically its already in August. Oh but whatever it was, we had good fun yesterday. Sat around with people from both houses, had a really really good dinner. I cant imagine the work that Pete and Marie put in for this dinner. I think they spent about 100++ for this dinner cause they had to cook for the other house as well and bought us drinks too. Plenty of soda water, lemonade, sparkling white wine, red wine, a whole carton of beer, on top of that, we had the volka from James's birthday and orange squash though that one I steered pretty clear of it. I only had red wine and beer and my face as usual was bright red like tomato. Seriously I think I'm quite sad in this ares but well it could be a good thing too to be a bad drinker. Spend less money on buying drinks, but on the bad side, since I cant hold my liquor well its abit bad but well I'm usually among good friends when I drink so I guess I'm alright so far. I hope. Went on to the whole present ceremony thingy, so bascially everyone just got their presents and opened them on the spot. Luckily for me, Maki quite like the present, well I did put in quite abit of effort, I would be quite disappointed if she didnt like it at all. But anyway, Bobbie got me a really sweet photo frame and 2 bars of nice-smelling soap. Great! Oh and Pete and Marie got us something as well-- Heh, Nail Filing Board. Pretty cool eh? I think we all had a really good time yesterday, will post some pictures of yesterday when I have the mood/time. Argh, But I do hate being sick. Once I get sick, I get it bad. Bleahz..

2004-08-05T17:57:00.000+10:00

The front view of my present. Not very flattering in this light but well I think the thing looks nicer here.

2004-08-05T17:56:00.000+10:00

Side view of my finished present. Note the line of stars(I painstakingy stuck them on).

End of my study week

2004-08-05T00:31:00.000+10:00

Today is wednesday. The end of my study week. I'm so happy everytime wednesday is over cause it means that my school week and the longest day in the week is over for me. I have had no break from 10am through till 5pm today straight. I know that in JC I probably have had longer hours than that, I guess I'm so used to just going to school for that few hours for the last semester and now suddenly I'm thrown another 7 hours day, its just scary. Even though I chose my timetable myself(should be blaming myself) but nevertheless, sigh.. Having such a long day kinda sucks. Anyway, enough whining about school. After school today, I rushed home to finish my present for Maki. We're having a Christmas in July in AUG(I have no idea why), but yeah, we all picked names out to buy presents for and our assigned budget was 10 bucks. That amount is so pathetic and everyone blew their budget by at least 2 bucks. Not that we mind at all but then again, when we think that we're buying for the other house(this is going to sound mean) but we kinda of like dont care cause well, I guess we're not as close to us? I'm so glad that Bobbie's buying my present cause I know I can count on her to get me something nice at least. Not something just off the shelves. Our house people are seriously putting in the effort to buy presents for these people. I got this 'classy' looking bedside lamp( bearing in mind of my budget) and found one of those long flower pots to store it in. Then I'm like wrapping the pot thingy with red tissue paper and pasting stars all around to cover the ugly scotch tape marks. Then I'm going to like put a transparent cover for the top so that the shade thingy can be seen and I'll be pasting like hearts in between them. Hope that the end result will be nice, will take some pictures after the end product is done. Almost everyone has their present ready, cept me but at least its bought already, just need double-sided tape and more wrapping. But through this 'experience', I have learnt that there are actually many things we can do with 10 bucks. Here's a list of the things we bought, those we know who's buying what and what.
Colin- Made a mini food hamper(very nicely wrapped up) for Isaac
Nicole- Made a Chocolate collection cup thingy for Anthony.
Andrew- Bought earrings for Bobbie
Me- Making a lamp storage thingy for Maki
James- Chipped in money to buy a mouse for Andrew and did a little switcheroo with the presents. Hard to explain.

The rest dont know yet. I'll find out on Friday. Haha, suddenly, this sounds quite fun!

People Luv Me Coz...

2004-08-02T00:18:00.000+10:00

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Honestly, the first one i did i got gorgeous but i didnt i didnt like it so i got it changed. Heh, so its kinda like cheating but what the heck.. Its online anyway.. My friends know me and love me all the same right? You guys had better.. *muackz*

Drunk

2004-08-01T14:25:00.000+10:00

I got drunk yesterday. Well, not totally drunk but I was very very high. Drank James' birthday volka and orange juice. Why did I want to get drunk yesterday? I was blamed for something that I did not do. I thought that this problem is temporarily solved till the end of the year but no, a small, minor and childish thing brought everything up again. Worse, I'm caught between 2 different people and getting blamed for something that is absolutely none of my concern. I was supposed to have finished my Tarzen book review yesterday night but I was so pissed that I walked into the TV lounge, saw Andrew there and asked him when they are going to drink. I wanted to get drunk, I wanted to forget why this is happening to me. There are so many worse people out there other than me but yet I've to go through this. I drank, got wasted, puked, fell and talked nonsense. I couldnt really remember what really happened yesterday night, just drank. The guys had 1 glass each of volka and orange juice. I had 3. Do you guys know what water tastes sweet after you puke? I didnt know that till yesterday night. But overall, I think I'm alright now. Problem is not solved but well I still managed to get up at 8am this morning without my alarm clock. Amazing how my stupid body only allows me 7 hours of sleep. Damn..

Right I have got to get on to that Tarzen review and get working cause tonight we're watching the first Harry Potter again!

What's Being in Love?

2004-07-30T16:19:00.000+10:00

The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form
a more perfect kiss,
enable the mighty hug to promote
to whom we please
but one kiss.

Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand: I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek: I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck: I want you
4. Kiss on the lips: I love you
5. Kiss on the ears: I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else: lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes: kiss me
8. Playing with your hair: I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist :I love you to much to let you go

Article 2: The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.
2. Guys If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.
3. Guys & Girls Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.

Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity. * Remember * A peach is a peach A plum is a plum, A kiss isn't a kiss Without some tongue. So open up your mouth close your eyes, and give your tongue some exercise!!!

Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!
23. The way they say "I miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.

Job Offer

2004-07-29T11:17:00.000+10:00

I have got a job offer letter from a recruitment agency. Thing is I'm not too sure whether is it like not a scam or something like that. Heh, Below is the letter they sent via email to me. People please take a look and tell me can?

R.J.C. Russia, Saint-Petersburg, Pohmelnaia str. 3a Phone/fax +78123804272
Dear Jessica, Russian Jewelry Company is pleased to offer you the position of Sales Representative at International Sales dept. in Australia for our company. We have carefully read your resume(in seek.com.au) and decided offer this position to you. Russian Jewelry Company is the seller of jewellery adornments and also the representative of the largest manufacturers of jewellerys in Pacific region. We are engaged in sales of jewellerys adornments for a 3 years. At the moment our company has departments and physical representatives in USA and EMEA region. Requirements: 1. Computer with e-mail; 2. Australia resident; 3. 3-4 hours free during the week (mainly in the evening/non-business hours) for communication; 4.Banking account Your work will consist in accepting on your bank account payments for the Goods bought from us and send payment our agents via Western Union or Money Gram. The payment for your work will make 5% from the sum which have sent to you (on the average the prices for our production is 2000 - 10000 AUD), you should to send other part to our agent via WU or MG. All transaction fees is paid also by us. We will inform you about the payment which have sent on your banking account by e-mail, or by phone (as you will wish). Information about WU and MG transfers which have sent by you we ask to mail us. Persons who will be accepted for this job will follow these instructions: 1. Receive the money transfers on banking account 2. Take 5% from the sum which have sent to you 3. Send other part of received money to our manager via Western Union 4. Report to our manager via e-mail transfer details If you are interested in our offer or have any questions, please contact us via e-mail. Sincerely yours Russian Jewelry Company www.rusjc.co.uk/eng/

School has started

2004-07-28T14:27:00.000+10:00

A new semester has started for me. Well, it has for the past erm 3 days? Today is my longest day. I had 2 lectures in the morning, and now I have 2 tutorials till 5pm today. From next week onwards, I'll have no lunch break even. It'll be from 10am straight to 5pm cause I've a group meeting during my lunch time. Sigh, maybe I should not have tried to pack my timetable to a 3 day week. Its really not that urgent to start the weekend early when you have a shitty week. Today, my lecturer is nice, she let us off early like 25mins into the lesson. Argh, my group members just walked in and said they did some research or something. Not bad, they did my work share of it. Cool but I still feel bad. Sigh.. I dont even know what racial reconcillation is. Whatever, I'll get it sorted soon. I think they dont understand me. Nevermind, troubles of being a bloody international student. The only one that is.

School starts tomorrow

2004-07-25T14:24:00.000+10:00

Sigh, school starts tomorrow. Time passes us by so quickly. One moment I'm complaining that I'm bored and now I'm complaining that I dont have enough time. Not that I have alot to do just that the feeling of having nothing to do is great. To wake up without commitments is a feeling that is once in a million. Well, twice a year actually. Winter and Summer break. Alot of things have happened during this holiday. Therefore, I cant say that it is a boring holiday, lots of ups and downs. In fact more downs than ever, problems that have not been solved. Problems that cannot be solved, somehow that makes me ver vulnerable and lost. I dont know what to do in such a situation, never encountered such a situation before. Recently, I took up running again, to run my problems away. Reuben always said I ran away from my problems, I guess that true but no matter how much I run, the problems will eventually be still there. I can never escape the problems and will keep worrying about it. But what are worries? Worries are things that are created by us, worry is something we dont have to, but ultimately the problem still lies there, perhaps that's why we worry. I once said this to someone and he said I was very philosophical that night. Anyway, enough of being so 'philosophical', there's enough gloom in the world around me without me contributing more to it. Even though sometimes I cant help it, but well.

Sat on the train yesterday and suddenly just felt like crying. In fact I did, just sat there and cried as many many thoughts went into my mind. Waves of emotion just overwhelmed me and I just couldnt take it anymore. There's only so much that a person can take in herself. I found out something yesterday, something that will cause a strain in the friendship of me and a good friend of mine. But I dont want this strain to happen, what then should I do? Its a difficult choice for me. I'm just confused and my mind is in a whirl. My roommate is also caught between the 2 of us. She does not know what to do or say to help the both of us. Neither do the both of us. Why must life be so cruel and challenge us constantly? Why cant life ever be smooth sailing? Sometimes, we can be brought up high and after awhile, we will be crashed down to the ends of the earth again. Its good to have problems once in awhile, but this is like constantly. Life(as I quote) is a pain in the arse.

2004-07-22T01:10:00.000+10:00

The Strawberry Farm(self-explanatory)

2004-07-22T00:58:00.000+10:00

Ok I'm trying to blog my pictures that I took while I was on my mini holiday with Grace, Shuping, Wendy, Coreen and Luke. Luke you dont see in the pictures because he's well the designated photographer. But anyway, hope the pictures will turn out well, click to enlarge the pictures. I'm not exactly in the best of mood so just bear with me k? Oh and well, this is day 1 at the strawberry farm! We were trying to pick strawberries but because it was not really the season yet, meaning its going to get colder for the strawberries to thrive. But took some photos with some pseudo strawberries. They were really tasty by the way.Bought some strawberry jam and lemon butter as well. Yummy!

how to make a me

2004-07-20T18:15:00.000+10:00

got this from meiyi's webpage again. been reading all the blogs. aha.. justin's idea of just posting pics sounds damn good.

How to make a jessica

Ingredients:
3 parts competetiveness
5 parts crazyiness
5 parts energy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of curiosity

Holidays

2004-07-20T17:32:00.000+10:00

Hello! I'm back from the holidays with Grace, Wendy and Shuping together with Luke and Coreen. Goodness, I now realise how is it like without a car living in Brisbane. Anyway, I've alot of photos not yet collected from Wendy but well, I must say this holiday is great. Though now, I've alot of things to collect as in books and stuff and uni fees(damn). Having spent so much these few days, I really dont want to spend to much again. Sighz, but anyway, will upload all these photos when I have the patience to. Tomorrow, damn my housemates are going to Harbour Town but well I have a talk in the afternoon. Still thinking whether I should like join then and skip the talk but its about my program change. Sigh, decisions.. Anyway, its cold.

2004-07-13T23:51:00.000+10:00

Alright alright, I love myself.. haha.. no I just loved my new hair nowits going to qiao again. Thinking of whether I should rebond and get this effect. But its kinda too short.. What do you guys think?

2004-07-13T23:49:00.000+10:00

Bye Bye Long hair, hello shoulder length hair

2004-07-13T23:48:00.000+10:00

The blur pic of the new me!

2004-07-13T23:47:00.001+10:00

Another pic of me before I left..

2004-07-13T23:47:00.000+10:00

This is how short my hair is when tied up..

2004-07-13T23:45:00.000+10:00

Another pic of my in my new hair...

2004-07-13T23:41:00.000+10:00

I like this blurry photo. But this is before I left.

2004-07-13T23:40:00.000+10:00

Before I left home

Boring Booval

2004-07-12T22:20:00.000+10:00

Just finished watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. For those who dont quite know what the show is about, its a show about 5 gay guys trying to straighten out the life of one straight guy. Last week it was for a gay guy, that episode was bad cause well they were just a little too different from normal(ie more gayish)that usual, kissing him and stuff. Not that I dont mind gays, but just that its abit off seeing them hugging and kissing on national TV. Anyway, back to today's episode, I think its great. We should get Queer Eye to revamp the house that we are staying in. Someone should have changes for the heating elements of the house, instead of keeping the cold in during the winter, it SHOULD be keeping the heat in. There's a whole book on them giving advice on how to straighten up your life, its really interesting. The guys will probably get turned off by the fact that its written by gay guys but its really a good read as it teaches you(as in guys) how to behave in front of girls. There's this whole section on how to behave in front of girls and the girls in my house all agree that its so true. So I think at the end of the year, I'll buy a book home.

Anyway, today something extraordinary happened. Someone whom we thought is unreasonable became reasonable today and someone whom we thought was reasonable became unreasonable. These 2 people are my landlady and landlord respectively. My landlady is usually a hot-tempered person who usually flare up at the slightest thing while my landlord is usually the go-between the her and us. Few days ago, she told us that today someone was coming in to make the kitchen floor and she would buy us lunch today. So when we came down for lunch at 12.30pm, there were 2 bags of stuff on the table, one bag contained 2 packets of chicken and the other bag contained a bag of ham and cheese bread. So we thought that the chickens were for us(though it might sound far-fetched) I know, since when had we had half a chicken each for lunch but anyway, yeah you see we were wrong and there was this huge misunderstanding. I think my landlord scolded my landlady till when she came out to tell us the 'story', she was nearly crying while he was banging the door and stuff. It was a really awakard situation, cause we couldnt simply give them back the chicken and she was very nice about it saying that we didnt have to buy back chickens and stuff. After awhile, my landlord also calmed down and came out and acted as if nothing happened. At that point, I really felt so bad I wanted to dig a hole and crawl under it. But nevertheless, this incident made me see one point, Australians are very tolerant people. I mean even if the incident blew over, they wouldnt have changed temperament so quickly and try to make the situation better. Really respected them for that. Therefore, we decided to make tomorrow a pizza night, as we treat them to dinner and stuff. But they didnt want and they had already made wednesday a pizza night. So we will just do the Christmas tree for them instead. Sigh, this incident really took a huge guilt trip man. I think even worse when they ate my landlord's lunch. But all's good for now.

So today, after that huge hoo-hah, I went to Booval to collect my parcel. I thought no town could get worse than Ipswich(where I'm staying now), I was so wrong. That town is so dead I thought it was inhabited. The post office size itself is to tiny its terrible but anyway got my package. Happy again. Oh on our way there, there was this bunch of young punks making fun of Amy and me. They were saying Japanese and stuff. Bascially racist stuff and one of the guys was trying to listen in to what we were saying and we were speaking English! But obviously he does not understand us so he thinks we are not. What assholes and such young punks. Pathetic, its this people that give Aussies a bad name. Luciky, this Booval place is near Ipswich, so we didnt have to endure very much of that pathetic racist crap.

Oh and I watched Peter Pan just now. Not the cartoon, the real life people version, not the robin williams one, the younger boy version. Its really well a child movie with a touch of romance as well. I think whether a person likes it anot really depends on the individual. But anyway I personally think its a good movie.

Really hungry now, think my appetite getting bigger again. Which equals to getting fatter. Anyway, going for a hair cut tomorrow, want a change in style since having long hair for the past 3 years and oh going for thermal ionic treatment( I think that's hair straightening) on friday as well. Hope my hair wil turn out ok.

I'm bored

2004-07-11T17:40:00.000+10:00

anger section.

what do you do when you're mad?: scream, cry

if you can take back time, would you have
never done this?: No, I need a source of venting my anger anyway.

ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: no..

ever physically hurt someone when you were
mad?: no...

do you curse when you're mad?: yup, definately..

crying section.

when was the last time you really cried your
heart out?: One faithful day when my life is back to being controlled again.

ever cried yourself to sleep?: yup, more than once.

ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: literally? yeah..

ever cried over the opposite sex?: well yeah.. unfortunately.

do you cry when you get an injury? once

do certain songs make you cry?: yes... esp chinese ones..

can you make yourself cry for no reason??: erm no

pain section.

what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go
through?: growing up

what's the worst thing you've done to yourself?:
attempting suicide i guess

what's the worst thing you've done to somebody
else?: i guess leaving for no reason

how depressed can you get?: erm have gotten quite depressed before.

do you inflict pain on yourself?: done that before

happy section.

are you normally a happy person?: yeah, i'm quite a happy-go-lucky person, but lately maybe that has changed a little.

what can make you happy? alot of things- from the simplest to the most impossible

do you wish you were happier?: well, lately yes

what makes you the happiest?: erm, i guess talking to friends..

is being happy overrated?: no..

what about being with your friends, does that
make you happy?: yes definately. i love my friends

can music make you happy?: sometimes

love section.

have you ever loved someone so much, that
you'd die for them?: nope, no guy is worth it.

did you ever love a person, tell them that,
and only got 'thanks' as a reply?: yes, omg it was so long ago but i think it happened.

ever loved someone so much, it hurt and made
you cry?: many many times. too many darn times, it gotta change.

has anyone besides your friends and family
ever said 'i love you' to you?: erm yeah..

hate section.

who do you actually hate?: can i not answer this qn? hate is a strong word. but i use it. :P

ever made a hit list?: no

have you ever been on a hit list?: hope not.

are you a mean bully? nope. i get bullied.. hee

do you hate any one that breaks your heart?: nope, everyone's entitled to their own love

do you hate George Bush?: i dont hate him but i dont like him either.

s e l f - e s t e e m section.

do you believe in yourself?: no

when people say they think you are good looking
do you deny you are?: yup, always. because i'm not!

are you one of those that think they
are ugly, dumb, and fat?: well, yeah..

ever wanted to kill yourself because you
thought you weren't good enough?: hm.. yeah..

2004-07-11T00:48:00.000+10:00

A really sweet msg that an ex-colleague sent me. Just thought I'll share it with everyone. You guys mean alot to me.

Kill Bill 2

2004-07-10T23:10:00.000+10:00

I'm waiting for my parents to come online. Man, hope that I didnt get the timings wrong cause I'm supposed to be watching Kill Bill 2 over at Amy's room. Man, that show is quite crappy, actually its very crappy. Just wondering how much more crappy can it be and obviously I think it can be crappier. My landlady is a argh b*tch and a pain in the arse. Just now, while we watching the movie, she came up and said that we were inconsiderate and that her husband has to get up at 4am or something and he's still and we should not be giggling and squealing away at 11pm at night. What a bummer, she always pulls this crap on us. What is her problem?
Sigh, tomorrow, Andrew and Colin are most probably going to play soccer which leaves me and Amy alone in the house. Quite sad huh? 2 is the saddest number so far. And Nicole has gone to her friend's house for the night, so I'm all alone in the room. Now while the rest are watching the movie. Quite sian actually but well, I'll get used to it. Just now I was going through all the sightseeing stuff in Queensland and I realise that there are actually quite alot of stuff to see over here. Its just a matter of whether I have someone to go with me but then again who will be crazy enough to visit all these stuff with me. I want to find a job next semester so that next winter I can save money to visit Yali in Melbourne. It really looks fun! At least much more fun than what I'm having anyway. Anyway, have to start signing on classes on Monday, hope that I'll get the timetable that I want.
Argh where are my parents?

IstiBored

2004-07-08T20:56:00.000+10:00

Alright every entry is almost about me being bored. That's quite sad I suppose. But not that I never did anything, I still go out. But I think the novelty of blogging has lost its meaning. Pretty shallow eh? What I believe in and what I should do is not focused at all. Perhaps that's why I dont do well in school. Perhaps that's why I've been a failure so far. Havent done much concrete stuff in my life, havent made changes at all. Sure, I've grown, more matured, more thoughtful, less happy I guess, more independant. But these do not warrant good grades, I still have to work my ass for that but I dont because I'm not focused. But is that actually possible? To be perfectly focused in what I want to do. To know what are my goals in life, to be able to have the will and passion to achieve them. I dont come back honours, I am literally nothing with just a BA degree. How often can someone with a BA degree find a job? For someone with a BA degree, he/she must have at least honours to be able to be chosen for a job. What then can I do? Be a teacher? If I wanted that route, I would not even come to Australia, would stay in Singapore. I came here to pursue a dream, sometimes that dream really seems bleak and not possible. How can someone of my calibre actually get offered honours? Look at my results this semester, it sucks and it would be taken into consideration when I apply for honours. Can I really get this goal? I know that I should tell myself I can but can I actually achieve it? Goals, dreams, the end point are somethings that are created by us, somethings that we want but sometimes have to face reality and know that somethings are not achievable. We have the freedom to choose what we want, but that freedom, who gives it to us? Ourelves? Look as the NS people, they dont choose to go into NS but they have no choice but still there's an end point in that after 2 years. I cant see my end point and seriously that's worrying me. I dont know if I'll make it and if I dont, the words 'I tried my best' will not be enough after all the effort my parents put in to send me here.
I dont like these type of blogging, too sentimental and sad. Makes me really sad as well just thinking about my bleak future. But for the near future, I can look forward to seeing Grace, Shuping and Wendy.

Jap name

2004-07-08T13:10:00.000+10:00

Hey got this from Meiyi, the jap name generator.

My japanese name is 原 Hara (wilderness) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal beautiful child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

2004-07-08T01:07:00.000+10:00

Last bored pic I took. Platform 8 where we were stonning at..

2004-07-08T01:06:00.000+10:00

Blurry pic of Roma Street station

2004-07-08T01:03:00.000+10:00

Roma street station 1

2004-07-08T01:01:00.000+10:00

Me and Nic at Roma Street Station

2004-07-08T00:59:00.000+10:00

View from South Bank

Gone out

2004-07-08T00:04:00.000+10:00

Finally got my bum moving and have gone out today. Went to make my working visa. I've been here like 4 months, have settled more admin stuff in the beginning but now havent made my working visa. I dont even know whether I'm going to work over here but well, just to make it sound nice. I made a working visa today. Woke up at 10am today, by the way that's early in my dictionary because I've been getting up at lunch time. So anyway, was still late to make it for the original train we wanted to, so we had breakfast at Mackers. In Mackers, there's this cafe called Mc Cafe, had a mud cake slice, DAMN NICE ah. Not too sure if Singapore's Mackers has Mc Cafe anot but I sure hope that it has. Hee.. Anyway, moved on, took a long train ride to the city with Nicole and Amy. Train rides are always interesting over here. There are always stuff to see, from interesting to gruesome to shockng to scary to nice and pleasant. So anyway, today is pleasant, saw the cutest boy ever. He's like so cute, his dad is like so mean to he still kisses his dad's face all over the place. CUTIE! Alright, shall shut up about that boy. Got to the city, went to get the working visa. The guy who attended to me took so long. He's like the blurrest, goondo-est, slowest guy around. Asked so many irrelevant questions till I very pek-qie. My friend who went after me finshed before me and had to drop a hint to the blur guy that she was waiting for me. So finally when he was done with his crap, we finally got out of that place and walked around.
Oh scrape this entry. My roommate's quarreling with her mom again. I feel bad everytime I hear this conversation. Sigh, more that 5000miles away from home and there's trouble. Sometimes I think its not worth it. Sad, really sad. I feel bad for her. Bleahz.. Anyway I no mood to blog but I'm looking forward to the arrival of Grace, Wendy and Shuping next week. Then I can really get my holidays enjoying. Yay but in the meantime I hope she will be alright.

Euro 2004

2004-07-05T21:58:00.000+10:00

GREECE won the Euro 2004. Man, its unbelievable, truly truly unbelievable. They are really the Black Horses and they won the tournament. Guess how I know? Well, I was watching the live game for it! Basically, we didnt get any sleep yesterday at all as at 430am in the morning, we were all in the city at this bar watching the game. We all decided that since its the holidays we can afford to not sleep for a day and stuff. But the last train for Sunday night was 1040pm, which was way too early but we had little choice. So packed with all our 'entertainment' things(music, books, mags, tim tams, museli bars, water, jacket, etc) we set out to take the last train into the city. When we reached the city, the whole city was almost dead. It was sad to see the city dead at 1145pm, totally no life at all. Somehow makes me wonder whether Australians go out at all, I mean they have to right? They have all these pubs which are all not open at all, wonder what they are there for. So anyway, since we had like 4 and 1/2 hours to kill, we decided to go to Cybercity which closes at 2am to have supper. What was scary was that everyone ordered a full meal. I mean we just had dinner at 7pm? Then suddenly, supper at 12am. Scary but true. Had a truly satisfying meal, hung around the place till 2am where they had to kick us out. Somehow that description sounded bad and really really sad. So after that, we had no where to go except to go to the casino which was where we wanted to watch the game. When we reached there, it was still early(230am). Had another 2 hours to kill. Bummed around at all these jackpot machines playing 1cent games. So we had like 100credits for a dollar. To kill time you know? So well, Andrew managed to win like $4 which paid for his train ticket home and a bag of chips. It was all good, then we decided to sit in the bar in the casino. Suddenly the place was teeming with people, we had no seats and had to go to the bar outside in Queens Street Mall to settle down. Luckily they showed the game as well, or else we would have came to the city in vain and that would be quite sad as there were no trains running home till about 6am in the morning. So no booze was allowed after 2am and everyone settled for hot mochas, and hot chocolates and stuff. Last night was pretty warm, thank goodness. First half was boring, I nearly fell asleep, had to buy coffee for the 2nd half. But the game got more exciting in the 2nd half. I havent watched soccer since I was in J2 when it was the world cup. But anyway, it was an ok game I guess though its abit disappointing that Greece won and not Portugal. Abit sad I guess but anyway after the game we were all stoned. Everyone slept on the train home. Came home, headed straight for the room, washed up abit and fell into the beds and slept till 4pm today. Dont know why, think I'm out of practice for thorn-ing already, I still feel tired or perhaps I slept too much? No idea but probably my body clock is abit warped.
Anyway, enough about soccer fever, the State of Origin game is on this Wednesday. I hope Queensland win. By the way, that's a rugby game. And books in Aussie is blardy expensive and I've 7 texts to buy. What the hell.. Out to fleece our money, I'm pretty sure of that. Anyways, think I'll go to bed soon, oh wait, got to do laundry and bathe. Argh..

Results told

2004-07-04T01:18:00.000+10:00

Just told my dad my results. Obviously my dad is not happy. Even I'm not happy with it but what to do? I'm just fed up lah, how smart does my dad think I am? The reason why I'm even in Australia is because I'm not smart. And he expects distinctions all the way. Not every one has a high distinction and I have one but he disregards that and concentrates on the subjects that I have passes. Nearly cried when he's lecturing me but after that, he instead of ignoring me like he always does, he still talks to me and asks me well-being. I feel bad as well, really bad. I'm fed up but I feel bad as well. I dont know what I should be feeling. My brothers fight to talk to me. I feel so bad after that day.

Supposed to be watching The Shining now, but I'm talking to them. Its good in a way I guess.

Spider Man 2

2004-07-03T14:48:00.000+10:00

I watched Spiderman 2 last night. Wanted to come back and blog about it while it was still fresh in my mind but decided that if I blog about it yesterday I wont have much to say today. You see I'm a really no life person around here so its quite sad that I have no life. Well I could have and try to have more of a life but well its just that I dont want to be a lightbulb so that's why I'm not playing PS2 because the both of them are. I dont want to be an extra and take their precious time away. So that's why I'm always in my room, online. Sad huh? Anyway back to Spiderman 2, I think its pretty good so far, as a sequel I mean. Shrek 2 is still the best, but Spiderman 2 is alright. Not bad, though there were some parts I wanted to fall asleep because it was getting too draggy but overall, I must say the action is worth it. Though, most of spiderman wasnt really Toby Macguire's doing as once the mask is donned, everything's CG already. Really impressed with the CG though, think its rather good and realistic. Of course some parts are pathetically fake but most of it is good. This is what you get when you stay with people(3) who study multimedia design. I see their projects, I really respect them.
Anyway, got my results out yesterday. Didnt do particularly bad but neither were my results fantastic. Its expected but still I feel kinda disappointed with myself as well, if I didnt have those plagirism cases, I would have definately done better. But well, its a lesson learnt and a lesson not to be repeated. Overall my term GPA is 4.75/7. Its a pass, but not great. Bleahz.. Anyway, nothing much to say already. This is how boring my holidays are. But I'm going to watch the finals of Euro 2004 tomorrow night. Going to take the last train into the city and watch the finals in the casino and take the first train home at about 6 something am in the morning. Its a pretty cool thing to do as a house but it'll be damn cold. I hope Portugal wins, Greece has been too lucky this season.

B O R E D

2004-07-02T14:32:00.001+10:00

I'm bored. I guess that's why I'm blogging everyday. Results will be out tomorrow, freak out. Totally but whatever it was, I came through this semester, hopefully I'll pass everything. Lessons were learnt, hope that mistakes will not be repeated anymore. Just keeping to myself these few days, thinking alot, crapping alot, stoning alot.

Anyway, read Shang's blog about the blackout in Singapore on tuesday that affected half of Singapore. My house in Singapore was also affected, but I didnt know. Tuesday, I was alone in my room doing my own stuff. Did I even bother to call home? Did I even treasure times to talk to my parents? No I didnt. I was supposed to talk to them on wednesday but because I was out, I just sent a message home that I was out and would see them the next day. My mum told me that my dad heartached that I chose to go out and have fun rather than talk to my parents. I havent spoken to them in a month. Given my dad's usual temper, he would have stopped talking to me already, he would have banned from doing alot of things already but he didnt. He understood and said enjoy my holidays. He didnt allow me to go to do water activities when I'm in Singapore but yet I told him I'm going cannoeing, he said enjoy myself. I emailed him at 1am and told him i just came home, he said he hoped I enjoyed myself and be careful and ask me when I need my school fees and money over. I felt so bad when my dad told me all those. I wanted him to scold me, wanted him to blame him for not treasuring family talk times. But instead, my dad said, enjoy your holidays. He still talked to me, he still encouraged me. I'm such a bad daughter but yet my dad is still so nice to me. I really dont deserve parents like that. I dont deserve the love of my brothers. Yes, they do love me. Even though they dont say it out but they fight with each other to talk to me to tell me stuff and ask about me. Where do I get a family like this? I'm sure that half the families that are decent are like that but mine didnt used to be. I just feel bad..

Anyway, tonight we're watching spiderman2. Do you guys know that spiderman 2 first came out in Australia because of the time difference between here and America? Its cool though it means nothing to most of us. Anyway, hope that the movie is good and oh today is TONY's BIRTHDAY. So Tony if you even come to my blog again, Happy Birthday k? Sang yat fai lok (If that made sense)

B O R E D

2004-07-02T14:32:00.000+10:00

Everyone's Reunited

2004-07-01T17:09:00.000+10:00

Finally wednesday came around and almost everyone's back from their holidays. Sort of holidays. They just kinda disappeared for like 5 days? So yep, yesterday was the end of the 5 days. Way cool. I'm just so so glad that Amy and Andrew are back. Missed them quite abit. Missed Andrew for his crappy comments and stuff. Missed Amy as someone I can really talk to. So its all good that almost everyone is home.

Anyway, I was saying that I was going out alone? Well, yeah I did. Got up at like 1030am in the morning, forced myself up actually. As usual our freezing cold house never fails to make me shiver from inside out as I get up from my warm and nice bed. But I need to get out of the house to get some fresh air, to clear my head abit. So anyway, Isaac was being a dear and sent me to return my DVD(1 day late, who cares?) and send me to the train station. But I felt a little bad cause I didnt give him a fixed time as to when I was going so he got up at 9am. I felt so totally totally bad. But its all good, guilt aside, missed my train so I had to wait another 1/2 hour more for the next. All packed up with my music and book so its alright there. Didnt dare sleep in case my bag might get snatched(nearly happened to me), so yeah was famished and having a headache by the time I reached Indooroopilly. On the way though, taking the train alone lets me think about alot of things without having to make conversation. Anyways, got to Indroo in 1 piece, started out with Mackers for lunch and started on my quest in shopping. I wasnt really looking for anything in particular, just random shopping but it was so tempting to buy heaps of stuff because everything's on sale. If anyone remembers, its the end of financial year yesterday so its everywhere's screaming SALE SALE SALE. But then again, didnt everyone say that shopping is a girl's best way to lighten herself up? So let me tell you, this remedy is fantastic. I can just walk around without stopping for people or going into shops that I dont really want to or going into shops that people might not want to go into. So in the end, I started at about 1pm, ended at like 3 something and my conquest: Bought a pair of Ug boots(finally), bought a pair of cheap boots, bought like earrings, chocolate covered marshmallows, stuff. All in all it was all good. Spent good money, had good fun and then it was to meet Nicole and Colin in the city. (Or so I thought) Our timing is so good that as I walk out of Indroo, they walked in. So luckily we saw each other or else it would have been bad. Not that I minded shopping in the city but yeah I was carrying quite abit of bags so would have been a hassle. BUT, I felt so out of place. Lightbulb comes into place, so I basically tried to keep out of their way as much as possible. Sigh, felt abit bad as well, to be a lightbulb. I didnt want to, timing was all wrong. So anyway, after being a lightbulb for such a long time, we decided to go to the airport to send Andrew's mum and girlfriend off. They are flying back to Singapore. AND the ticket to the airport cost 20bucks, worse thing is they didnt check out tickets. We were damn cheesed off by it but well, its an experience anyway, besides it would be awhile before I saw auntie and kelly again so they're worth the 20 bucks. After that, met Amy and Angel for dinner at Chinatown. Met up with Welin, Raymond and Rex. Had coffee and stuff, chit chatted. I missed those days. Even though its like 5 days that they were gone but it did make a huge difference to the house. Anyway, got home at like 1am, got to bed at 230am. Woke up at 845 this morning.

TODAY- I went for a cannoeing trip. Went with some church people who brought us around to cannoe. Really nice of them to come and bring us around. OMG, if you guys ever ever have a chance to cannoe here,please do. This is not like cannoeing in the East Coast Beach or something from Outward Bound. I am talking about cannoeing in a river, a quiet still river.Like those amazon images that we get. Really really very nice views, its fantastic in fact.Loved every minute even the ice cold water. No one collapsed but the water was ice cold but the sun is also great, warmed us all up. Had a nice pinic by the river bank. Geez, how could ever see this happening in Singapore? No cause our Kallang River is too precious. The Brisbane River is a drinking source but people are allowed to cannoe and stuff. It so cool, cant wait to go again if we have the chance.

Anyway, this is a blardee long entry. So sorry if anyone's bored out. Mesa have to gosa and rest. Exhausted.. See you guys..

2004-06-29T19:43:00.000+10:00

I received this email from a colleague of mine. Its pretty cool..
When is it time to say goodbye?

It's time to say goodbye when you walk into a room, and memory starts
assualting you with her nastiness and obstinacy. When you pick up her mug
left on the table this morning, from which she drank before dashing out of
the house to her work, you feel disgusted and filthy, as though you were
violated by her act, your hand had been physically raped by her fingers;
your mind by her thoughts.

Secretly, you yearn for her disappearance. You wish she would not be at
home tonight so that you could have a room all to yourself to think,
contemplate and act. You want to pack your bags and move out of the house,
leaving your memory tightly sealed in the room where both of you share your
lives. You pull out a drawer, and carefully examine the contents within the
space. You find nothing could trigger a fonder memory of her. You can only
cry. You cannot stop your tears; you cannot control the impulse to slap
her. So, you whisper to yourself that you are no longer under her mercy.

And, you want to get on with your life, alone, without any undesired
interruptions from an outsider, whose presence before this has always been
inconsequential.

In one minute, if these thoughts, like a steady stream of river, run
through your mind, perhaps, just perhaps, it's time to say goodbye.

Saying good needs a lot of courage. It has never been easy to anyone, no
matter how strong the person is. But, why can't we say the word calmly and
bravely? We must always believe that a better person is waiting for us. It
may take a long time before you arrive at your final destination, but your
arrival has been planned nonetheless.

Even if we are lost, and can never meet our destiny, at least we have
ourselves to celebrate. We are young, and we are still strong. We have a
career that pays us enough to survive. We have a group of friends who will
always be there for us, when we need them.

Goodbye can be a hard word to say, but it is also the key to a new door.
Saying goodbye shows us a landscape that we thought we would never see. The
word makes us mobile. After uttering the word, you will realise that you
can fly again, up in the air, taking in the panoramic view, as though you
were once again picked up by a stork, which was on its way to drop you at
some place new.

We are lucky.

2004-06-29T14:57:00.000+10:00

These few days I have been sleeping so little and late. Its like 430am everyday and wake up at 1 something in the afternoon. These days I've been alone much, even though there are 4 people in the house. 2 of them are always together and one well is basically in his room all day. So basically, I'm in my room all day too, which is quite a bad thing considering that my thoughts can run wild in this room. I need to get out more, need to breathe in more of this cold winter fresh air. At night, it really gets cold, like the coldest that I've been through so far was -4degrees. Last week, while there was alot on my mind, I started going for late night walks. It was really cool with all the smoke that comes out from my mouth and all. Anyway, I think I'm used to being alone already. When I was back in Singapore, I used to really rely on people. I could always bank on my family to be there for me, or friends when I go out with them. Even in school, there seems to be never a moment where I could be alone because I'm a people people person. I must have people around me. But I think that these has all changed within the course of these 4 months. I was heavily reliant on my housemates before this. I get paranoid whenever people are talking and I'm not there. I was in a state of depression once while I was here. I thought that oh man, the whole world hates me, i'm back to being I was in secondary school. I never had any friendship problems up to JC2 but now at the age of 20 I've problems with making friends. Its not easy to make friends with people from my class because we change people from class to class. It was probably easier to make friends at home but then again couply things happen and my roommate is whisked off elsewhere. Then I think man, I might as well get used to being alone this holidays. And I have, really gotten used to it. I'll be going out alone to Indooroopilly tomorrow to have a look at stuff. Basically I think I need time alone in the fresh air and stuff. I mean I've been alone at home and stuff but I have never gone out alone in Brisbane alone before. Tomorrow will be my first time but what the heck, how dangerous can it be? Anyway, Andrew's mum and girlfriend will be leaving tomorrow so I'll be meeting Nicole and Colin in the city after my Indooroopilly shopping and after their rendevous in the city, we'll meet and send his mum and girlfriend to the airport. Yup, that's my agenda for tomorrow. I'm going on a shopping trip on my own.