Thursday, July 08, 2004

Alright every entry is almost about me being bored. That's quite sad I suppose. But not that I never did anything, I still go out. But I think the novelty of blogging has lost its meaning. Pretty shallow eh? What I believe in and what I should do is not focused at all. Perhaps that's why I dont do well in school. Perhaps that's why I've been a failure so far. Havent done much concrete stuff in my life, havent made changes at all. Sure, I've grown, more matured, more thoughtful, less happy I guess, more independant. But these do not warrant good grades, I still have to work my ass for that but I dont because I'm not focused. But is that actually possible? To be perfectly focused in what I want to do. To know what are my goals in life, to be able to have the will and passion to achieve them. I dont come back honours, I am literally nothing with just a BA degree. How often can someone with a BA degree find a job? For someone with a BA degree, he/she must have at least honours to be able to be chosen for a job. What then can I do? Be a teacher? If I wanted that route, I would not even come to Australia, would stay in Singapore. I came here to pursue a dream, sometimes that dream really seems bleak and not possible. How can someone of my calibre actually get offered honours? Look at my results this semester, it sucks and it would be taken into consideration when I apply for honours. Can I really get this goal? I know that I should tell myself I can but can I actually achieve it? Goals, dreams, the end point are somethings that are created by us, somethings that we want but sometimes have to face reality and know that somethings are not achievable. We have the freedom to choose what we want, but that freedom, who gives it to us? Ourelves? Look as the NS people, they dont choose to go into NS but they have no choice but still there's an end point in that after 2 years. I cant see my end point and seriously that's worrying me. I dont know if I'll make it and if I dont, the words 'I tried my best' will not be enough after all the effort my parents put in to send me here.
I dont like these type of blogging, too sentimental and sad. Makes me really sad as well just thinking about my bleak future. But for the near future, I can look forward to seeing Grace, Shuping and Wendy.


Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 8:56 pm


-ThE EnD-