Monday, September 27, 2004

Yesterday night I went out with James to the city to have dinner and went to have some drinks. Oh, and I met Fiona in Cybercity. Havent seen her since the month I came to Australia. I was so glad to see her when I did. She is still so pretty and thin, I'm jealous. Anyway, I am talking to Daphne online now and we went to have a look at what did we blog about exactly one year ago. Its pretty interesting to look at that. Even though mine entry is 2 days earlier, its still fun to look at. This is the blog entry of mine on the 25th September 2003. It's really interesting to find out what you did like a year before on this exact day. Anyway, enough about remicing, James and me were really totally bored yesterday and so we came up with a story about us. 2 very happy people.

Once upon a time, there lived 2 very bored, depressed people.

A very Bored James

A very bored me

A very depressed James

A very depressed me

I guess that's why they were perfect for each other.

This was what we did on our first date

This was what we did on our second date

this is what we did on our third date

Seems really depressing huh? But these 2 people were brought back from their depressing moods and became happy people.

A very happy James

A very happy me

They were very happy together and took each other out of their boredom and depressiveness.
Once upon a time...



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 2:44 am


-ThE EnD-

Friday, September 24, 2004

Hello All again! I havent blogged in a week! Gasp,that's a pretty long time for me cause I usually will blog every 2-3 days but it has been a week. I suppose nothing's really been up except work (school work that is) as many would have known, I have had an 2000 word essay about Tarzan due on Monday and I have another 1500 word essay on Euthanasia due tomorrow, which thankfully I have finished. The Spring Break therefore is officially here for me! However, I have no plans whatsoever as to what I am going to do in this break. Its kinda sad as last time, whenever we had breaks, we'll plan ahead as to what we are going to reward ourselves with but this time, its different. The problem is still there, I'm still excluded. When James goes home for the Spring Break, that would really be a big problem. I would really be bored, being the only person in the house. Tomorrow, they are going out again, and once again, I'm not asked. Bleah, its really sad. But well I suppose its one or the other and I really am confused. But time will not and can not be turned back now, therefore I'll face this and move on.
Anyway, went to the city with Siobhan yesterday (yes, I still do have some friends from uni) and we just did window shopping. Seriously, with $20 in your wallet, there's not much you can do. But there were so much stuff I really wanted to get. There was this yellow halter top that was gorgeous and I knew that it would match perfectly with my skirt that I want to wear to the Maroon 5 concert. However, that bloody top costs $90. Walked around abit more, tried on clothes, spring is here so summer wear is in! Clothes to buy again! Damn but I have put on so much weight, I'll not even dare to step on the scales. Anyway, I have not done real shopping in a long time, since the June holidays I think but I always seem to be broke. I honestly wonder why. Sigh but I guess I have to save up for the stuff I have to buy home in 2 months. At the rate I'm going, I'll not have enough money to buy stuff for people back home.
However, hopefully we'll be going water skiing with this guy from church. Things will look up from there I hope. Oh and I may go up to Sunshine Coast (James home) to the beach there! Yayness, spring break here I come!



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 1:58 am


-ThE EnD-

Saturday, September 18, 2004

It happened again today. They went out and I only found out during lunch time. When I went back to my room. Am I always so left out now? I really dont know what to do with this problem. Luckily for me, I have a 2000 word essay to complete to take my mind off this. Really, or else I think I might just break down. Its not a nice feeling to be swept aside by your own people. I dont know lah, I just dont know what to say. Well, I suppose back to Tarzan then..



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 1:34 pm


-ThE EnD-

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

No matter how much I diss you in front of my friends. I know I do that alot, especially in front of you. I guess I dont want to show you that I'm weak, I dont want to show that I'm dependent on you because I know that's not healthy. I dont want to scare you away from me if you knew how much you actually mean to me. I try to act brave in front of you but deep down I'm not. Those who act brave are in fact those who are the most cowardly. I am cowardly, that's why I dare not admit my weakness to you, to try to not show you my weak side. In fact,I talk so much about you with my friends when you're not around that they will get sick of it. You are a great person who tolerates all my shit. I am really afraid of the day that you'll be gone because I know that that day will come. Sometimes I think to myself, what did I do to deserve someone like you? When you're gone, all I have are memories, nothing concrete. What a shame because our times together are precious to me. My friends love you like I do because they know you have brought alot of sunshine into my life, lifted me up when I was really down, there for me when they could not. I guess I never say these things out because I dont want to show I'm weak but I do care for you alot and I dont mean half the mean stuff I say to you. I guess I just want to say that you mean alot to me, alot more than you think you do.



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 12:37 am


-ThE EnD-

Monday, September 13, 2004

Got this email from Philip. He always sends me heart-warming stuff and updates about what's going on back in Singapore, even National Day fireworks and things like the new 24hour Coffee Club in Cineleisure, pictures of my old work place. Thank you Philip for these little things in life. I really do appreciate them alot. Anyway, here's another one of those heart-warming articles.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that
it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar
was full.

They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things --- your God, your family, your children, your health,
your friends, and your favorite passions --- things that if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff. "If you put
the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important
to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix
the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first, the things that
really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always
room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Treasure what you have..





Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 3:30 pm


-ThE EnD-

Friday, September 10, 2004

Is it that when you get closer to someone, your world is just full of that person and you dont think about other people? Thus, when others have seen that you're like that, they isolate you from their activities. When this close person is gone, you realise how much you have distanced from your friends because too much time was spent else where. Do you ever wonder how people balance between relationships and friendships? Is there such a thing as a perfect balance between the two? Or is it that we can only choose between one of these and lose the other like forever.

I used to have a belief that I must have a life outside my relationship. And with my first relationship, I did. I had too much of a life outside him so much so that he said I treated my friends better than I treated him. But to me, friends are important because friends are for life. My friends, those that I'm close with, I've been friends with them for like 3-4 years? Some even longer and these are the people who have pulled me through tough, horrible downs of my life. How can I ever forget them and not spend time with them? However, I spent too much time with them, probably treated them even better than my boyfriend, perhaps that's what caused a downfall in my first failure.

Every new place we go to, we make new friends. Whether anot we can make friends that stay by our side is a different thing. I used to think that I'm a very people people person. I'm the kind of person where at least half the school knows my name and I know half the school. Friendships are made to be maintained, if we get too distracted or whatever, these friendships are lost. I'm now in my 2nd relationship and told myself that ok, I dont want to treat my friends better my boyfriend again and have a repeat of what happened. I will have a life outside him but I will spend more time with him than the rest. This has obviously taken a toll on my relationship with my housemates. James and me are seen as one and we spend so much time together that I have not actually talked to Colin, Andrew, Amy in a long time. Today, a couple of people from uni came over to visit Nicole and the whole lot of them all went into Colin's room while I'm here typing this sad blog entry out. I dont mean to say I dont enjoy spending time with James but am I spending too much time with him and neglecting other people that matter as well? Today, he went home and I feel isolated from the rest of the house. This is not a nice feeling to have, I dont think its any of them like purposely not talking to me but its just that they are probably so used to not having me around anymore that I'm no longer included in their activities. I told myself I must have a life outside James but am I really practicing what I preach? Maybe now our relationship is in a honeymoon stage but when it gets to another stage would it have been too late with my friendship with my housemates? Would I have been totally excluded. I dont think it would be that extreme and maybe just pmsybecause the last time I feel like that I'm pmsy(sorry guys, probably a detail that you guys didnt need to know). Anyway, I just feel that I dont belong anymore. I'm Singaporean,Asian whichever, but yet I feel that I dont belong. Why?



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 11:33 pm


-ThE EnD-

Thursday, September 09, 2004

There is a Maroon 5 concert on my birthday. 20th November for people who dont know. *glares at them* But thing is the tickets are going to be sold in like 2 days. I'm kinda worried that if I buy the tickets now, and if I need time off to pack and stuff, I may not want to go? Argh, internally tearing myself apart. Should I or should I not go? The tickets are going for $62.60. How?

Oh plus this is going out to all 01s01-ers. Erm James Choi and me are thinking of organising a holiday like next winter (aka July 2005). I know this is like almost 1/2 year earlier but its like you know, if you guys want to come or whatever, must start saving money up and work your asses off during the holidays right? So this is warning in advance. Ok, originally we wanted to go to New Zealand but the cost of a tour package to N.Z. cost too much- $3000 which I think other than James Choi, no one else can afford it. So we decided to scrap that and go to like either Melbourne or Sdyney or better yet do both. You see, at least in this 2 places, my James and me will know people and I think it would be easier to settle accommodation and places to bring you guys. Most importantly, we dont have to go to expensive tour packages coz Australia is easy to work with! Just get a map, open our mouths a couple of times and we'll get to wherever we want. So anyway, this is a proposal lo.. I hope to get like a class holiday, I know its expensive and alot of factors to consider, that's why I'm putting this up for you guys so early so that you know you HAVE to save money eh? Anyway, people, tell me what you think. *hugz*



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 11:24 am


-ThE EnD-

Monday, September 06, 2004

I have been insulted today.
Slapped on the face so bad, it was shocking.
I am not a kid anymore.
You are not my fucking mother.
I govern my own fucking life, bitch.
I have been stripped of dignity.
Fuck off..



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 9:47 pm


-ThE EnD-

Sunday, September 05, 2004

This is like long overdue pictures from last week from when I got Drunk again. Heh, I really cant hold my alcohol very well cant I? Pretty sad, but anyway, here are pictures of my first vodka shot and riverfest and my outing yesterday.

=============================Vodka Night=============================

Getting ready to drink it down- Bobbie and me

Before

Down Down Down

MmMmM... After...

=================================Riverfest2004========================

me and James before the Fireworks

Fireworks lit up the sky..

More fireworks lit up the sky

Fireworks from the boat

My favourite picture of all!

The Grand Finale

Tired after a day out at the Riverfest
===============================Back again at South Bank one week later==============

View of South Bank from Goodwill Bridge

Paddle Boat aka Floating Restaurant aka Party boat

Us covering the beautiful view. Not so beautiful after all eh?

Us resting after walking ages and ages around the city

Hungry and Tired James
====================================End of Pictures fiasco==========================
I really had fun last night though we didnt do much in particular, just walking around South Bank, having coffee. Oh but I hadlike 4 meals yesterday. Feeling so piggish now but its all good I suppose. I have to run if only it stops raining. This week probably has more rain in the whole year. What crap! Just when I want to get into my exercise regime (yeah right) but anyway, oh and I bought this yesterday as well Buffy the Backside Slayer. Its supposed to be exfoliating for my skin, I didnt really intend to use it on my butt but on my back instead. When I come back to Singapore,I'll buy more Lush products especially the Mask of Magnaminty. I simply love their products all handmade cosmestics. Sigh, I'm supposed to be doing my tutorial preperation, after one hell week, I want to just slack and that I cant even do. Stupid, I suppose I should get back to Visual pleasure and Narrative cinema.





Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 4:06 pm


-ThE EnD-

What Can a Hug Do?

A hug is a wonderful gift to share,
A way to show each other that we care;
There is so much a hug is able to do,
When you feel those arms holding you.

A hug is a place to feel safe and warm,
A comfort for a sad heart that is torn;
An expression of the love in our heart,
For ones who we wish, never to be apart.

A hug is a greeting when we meet to say hello,
Or to say goodbye when we have to go;
It can hold us up when life gets us down,
And makes us smile, instead of frown.

A hug can be given for no reason at all,
And given to those, both big and small;
We're never too old to feel the joy it brings,
As it is one of life's most pleasing things.

And for all of this beauty, a hug is free!
It costs nothing, yet means so much to me;
We should all hug another to show we care,
For to feel a warm hug, nothing can compare.

Here's a hug going out from me to everyone! *hugz*



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 11:14 am


-ThE EnD-

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

I'm just going crazee with these colours! Whee.. I'm abit cranky, mainly because its raining right now, my clothes are never going to get dried(that's really bad), I've just had a test today which I dont think I'll do well for. Honestly, I have no idea what I even writing about. Something about the title of the short story. This is why I never really liked literature( no offense to people out there who loves lit) but I simply dont get it myself. I dont understand and dont know how to read beyong face value, which is really bad because I'm supposed to. And the last time I actually touched lit was in sec 2? Eons and eons ago.. Nevertheless, I think I'll pass (hopefully) but wont do well. I wont be too sad about it because I cant, I have simply too much stuff to do. Week 6 is a killer week! I had an assignment due on Monday which I stayed up till 3am on Sunday morning to do, waking up at 9am, stayed up till 230am on Monday night and got up at 10am. Yesterday night, slept at 330am, got up at 9am again for class. At this rate I'm having such irregularly sleeping patterns, I'm going to join the endangered species of pandas of China and munch on bamboos everyday. Hang on, that sounds like a great idea compared to what I have to go through right now. Pandas! Here I come

Right forgive me, I'm really off the rock here. I have been sleeping weird times since Thursday night. I know that its all my fault, sleeping late, not doing my homework till the very last minute. I swear that I'll never have a repeat of Sunday night again. I submitted an essay that I've no idea what I wrote on. Only thing I remembered was the title: Waltzing Matilda : Gender and the Political Implications (something like that). And I have another assignment due on Friday (which I have not started yet) about euthanasia. I'm just lucky that these assignments are first assignments of each course and therefore the word counts are pretty little and the percentages are pretty small too or else I think I'm a goner this semester.
*Jess you've to wake up and stop spending time elsewhere! /slaps myself*

And I'm pissed off with one of my tutors, in fact I think the whole course people hates her. She's the most immature, unprofessional teacher I've ever seen at university level. She throws tantrums, telling her students that she has had a long day and dont piss her off. As if she's the only one who has had a long day. What rubbish, she goes on to say she's in a grumpy mood and all that crap. So immature and unprofessional! I'm not going to go more as it will make my blood really boil as I have see her tomorrow about my assignment. This course is nuts, they return your assignments without a grade, make you fill in a self-criteria/ evaluation form thingy and tell yourself what kind of grades you deserve and then go see her and talk about your assignment. Argh, as if 2 hours per week is not enough to look at her, we still have to spend time individually to talk about our assignment with her. When she's the one who decides the final mark anyway. Ok, *tries to calm myself down*, I'll not talk about her anymore.

Anyway, over the weekend, I went down to the Riverfest at South Bank to watch fireworks! They were great, I have got like photos of these fireworks and when I have more time and energy I'll post these photos up. Saturday was great, I had so much fun.. *sighs in memory* Even though its with 2 people, but 1 of them is dear to my heart and I had a great time. Alrighty then people, I have to get back to start writing euthanasia because I DO NOT want a repeat of Sunday night.

*fireworks are even greater when you're watching it with your loved ones by your side*
* ooh lala.. Its teacher's day today. HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! is it even important anymore? *



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 5:09 pm


-ThE EnD-