I was reading some random blogs. You know how you keep pressing the next blog and you will be able to read other people's blog around the world literally? Well, yeah I was bored as usual, having not much to do on a Sunday afternoon and was reading some people blogs. Some boring, some Singaporean ones- all the Singlish gets typed out, some China ones when its typed in Chinese, some lovey dovey ones, some kid's blog. I came across this blog from this girl in Canada, I think she's an asian because I spotted an "aiyah" in the blog, so typically asian. But nontheless, her latest entry was about her getting together with a guy whom she has liked for a long time. Their story is kinda complicated in a way because they were kissing and stuff before they got together. But the way they got together just touched a string in my heart because it felt so famaliar the exhiliration that I felt when James and me got together. I know everyone will go Sheesh, Jess it has been 3 weeks, honestly and seriously get over it. I know that I should get over it but then after I read her entry,I realised that what for should I keep telling myself to get over him. If I still love him, I love him. There's no stopping me from loving him, its not a matter of choice whether I can stop loving him just like I dont want to eat something. I know that I should forget and stop moping around because if I dont, I'll never move on with life. I disagree, life moves on regardless whether I forget him at all and I still moved on with life. I still go to school, I still hand in my assignments, I still will be studying for my exams, I still will be worrying about my accommodation. Life does not stop because my heart got broken but it does not mean that moving on with life I'm not allowed to love him. Because I still do and will do too until someone else has the power to make me shift me love away from James. So this entry is for myself, telling myself to believe in myself, do whatever I want, love him if I have to. Stop telling myself that I have to get over him because I dont have to. If I keep forcing myself to, then I'll be so much more pain because everything he does will hurt me. I care and love him and will show that I still care for him. Of course I wont hug and kiss him and stuff but I will care for him. I'll mope as long as it takes me to and if anyone disagrees with me. Well, I can say that piss off because this is my blog and I can write anything I want. Strong words I know but I guess for once in my life, I'm taking a stand about my life, instead of always listening to what other people say. Because James Drewe will always be part of my memories whether I like it anot. Places in Brisbane that we have been to, places that we said that we'll go to. Bit by bit I know I'll forget and only remember the important bits like how drunk we were when we got together, that how alcohol had to step in to unravel our tongues, the true meaning of Eskimo Kisses, my cravings for KFC, my hopelessness whenever I visit Coles to do groceries. All these little bits will stay by my head and no one can take them away from me no matter how much I'm told to forget and get on with life.
Sorry if I offended anyone. But I guess that's my stand.
-ThE EnD-
These are the kind of conversations you have when people have broken up. Basically they piss you off to bits. Daphne convinced me to put it up. She thinks its hilarious. I 'm still just pissed. But anyhow, here it is.. He is 19 (doing a countdown to the number of days he still has left here) and of course I'm the other person. Our conversation is basically about clothes. Guys -Vs- Girls..
19: infact most of my packing will be done when my parent come to pick me up. i dont have that much stuff. i dont know about you guys, but i only bought what i needed
What if God : right.. that's such a guy answer.
19: as opposed to a girls which is: i bought shitloads coz i cant live without 15 bags and 50 gazillion different clothes...etc etc
What if God : nicole is having arms on her hips glaring at the screen.
What if God : hey... sometimes girls guy stuff to impress guys k. to dress up and stuff like tht.. guys always have it easy
19: pfft. i only have like 10 different shirts, and that inlcudes the good ones to go out in
19: girls dont have any common sense when it comes to clothes. they think that if you've been seen in something you cant wear it for like another 3 weeks
What if God : one fin
What if God : that's so not true. i'm *speechless*
* What if God was one of us? trying to make his way home just like me is now Online
19: no it isnt. although alot of guys dont dress the trendiest. we know when we need to buy clothes. when the ones we have are getting worn out
What if God : you don buy clothes just because they are getting worn out.. you buy clothes coz they're nice.. or cheap whatever
19: mmm i dont know its either getting worn out, or because we need to. like i bought my nice shoes because i needed a nice pair to go out in because i only had my daggy shoes that i used to skateboard in. and you dont get into clubs with daggy clothes
What if God : u see, guys buy clothes that are like super expensive. girls dont buy and therefore we buy many stuff to make tht amount. and get more value.. like ur pair of shoes were like 200 bucks. all my shoes that i bought here, the amt in total is not even 100 bucks.
19: there is a reason for that. companies know girls like to buy clothes. that is why every second store in a shopping centre is womens fashion. because there are so many stores, the shops have to charge very small amounts to ensure people buy their clothes
19: guys dont have that luxury
19: its either the $2 shop quality or expensive
19: a pair of boardshorts isnt normally cheaper than $60
What if God : yeah but still the stuff we buy are not expensive. and therefore can have the luxury of owning gazillion clothes shoes and bags.
What if God : and what's wrong with having many bags.. getting personal here. i love bags!!
19: but there isnt any point to own a bazillion of everything just coz its cheap
What if God : because the quality of girls' clothes arent great. so we have more to stock up.
19: thats nonsense
What if God : ARGH......
19: my parents own a clothing company so you cant tell me about quality coz i know the quality
What if God : ok.. calm down
What if God : i didnt say i know anything abt quality
19: yeah you did
What if God : just tht sometimes cheap clothes dont really have good quality clothes
19: "What if God was one of us? trying to make his way home just like me says:
because the quality of girls' clothes arent great. so we have more to stock up. "
What if God : yeah
What if God : i know what i said. i mean how great can the quality of clothes be when the shirt just cost 13 bucks?
19: so why buy it if you know its shit quality
What if God : coz good quality clothes frm those brand labels are ex
What if God : so buy cheap ones. if they are spoiled or whatever, buy new ones
What if God : simple
19: what would you consider a brand label?
What if God : labels like country road, ralph lauren, dkny,
What if God : i suppose..
19: they are desinger labels of course they are expensive
19: for me a brand label is something like billabong or quiksilver
What if God : yeah those are brand labels.
What if God : erm.. well yeah. sports girl and roxy and stuff are quite ex too.. but i mean the really brand labels are those mentioned above
19: they are designer labels, that is why they are so expensive you are paying for the name because it comes with the prestige associated with some french guy who shows off his clothes on a catwalk
What if God : yeah.
What if God : but for them to be designer or to be labelled designer.. they have to have soome quality in them first right?
19: well they used to when the companies first formed. all of the one offs are still quality made, but all of the stuff sold to the general public is made out of the same stuff in the same countries that make billabong and dickies etc
What if God : you mean china?
19: china, portugual, west indies, india, wherever its all cheap labour
What if God : no.. i checked nic's clothes. dkny is made in morrocco. sisley is made in italy. my ralph is made in the usa.
What if God : its not all cheap labour places.
19: ok righto whatever. im going to bed anyway. later
What if God : yeah
What if God : whatever. night..
* 19 is now Offline
Yup, these are the kind of conversations that you have when you guys are no longer together. Fairytale relationships do not bloody last. So warning to all girls,when you try hard to remain friends with your ex-boyfriend, discard all the lovey dovey stuff he ever said to you because now those words mean squat to him.
-ThE EnD-
I got this email from Philip. Its actually a letter that he read out during his speech for her during her funeral. Its amazing how those words still touched me because I was actually present in person to hear those words. Its been almost 5 years now but yet, when I see this, I still have a choking feeling in my heart. Its things like this that makes me think that love does exist and couples really do last a lifetime.
A beautiful article for us to learn and appreciate love.....
His touching words of farewell.
In a last farewell to his wife that touched many people and caused
quite a few to shed tears, President Ong Teng Cheong remembers the Shanghai
girl who became the First Lady.
HERE lies a girl who came from an orphanage in Shanghai 50 years ago. She arrived in Singapore at the age of 11, speaking only shanghainese and owning scarcely more than the clothes on her back. But she rose far above her humble beginnings to run a successful architectural practice, and to eventually play the role of the First
Lady of Singapore. But the route from the orphanage to the Istana was not all-smooth sailing.
While in the orphanage, she was struck by rheumatic fever. But she was then too young to realise the gravity of her illness. One of her heart valves was permanently damaged as a result. Doctors who examined her while she was in school in Singapore discovered it, and exempted her from all school sporting activities. The disease struck again while she was in the final year of her Architecture degree course, and she had to be warded in hospital for "complete rest in bed" for three months. A quiet and determined girl, she refused to tell her parents or anyone of her problem. She learnt to play the piano for only a few years, but was frustrated that her fingers were not growing long enough to allow her to play the octaves. She decided to give it up. But she always loved the piano.
Tireless and dedicated almost to a fault, her only hobby was work -work in the office and work at home, including sewing and gardening. In her younger days, she used to sew her own dresses, incl! uding cheongsams.
When asked how she did it, she would quip: "Reverse engineering." She would unpick old dresses, and use the piece as a dress pattern to follow.
Siew May gave the Ong family two sons. The first son was a breech baby, while the younger son was delivered by Caesarian section. Both deliveries needed operations and required heart specialists to be present. & great, we decided to stop at two, because I did not want her to take any unnecessary risk.
I knew she would have loved to have more children, especially girls. Happily, this was compensated for by the two lovely daughters-in-law we now have in the family. She was a wonderful and loving mother. Although she could neither swim nor cycle, she taught both Guan and Boon to swim and cycle. And as she worked long hours at the office, she even taught them how to cook their own lunches, when they were in primary and secondary schools.
We d id not have a maid in the house for several years in the late '70s and early '80s. She wanted everyone in the family to be as independent as she was.
But she was, in every way, a devoted mother and a supportive wife, and performed her multiple roles with equal dedication.
When I first met her at a party, she was only 15. She was an attractive and lively girl. It was not long before I discovered that she was a thrifty and highly principled girl as well. We began dating each other. Often we would meet in coffeeshops.
Whenever we had lunch, she would insist on paying for her own lunch.. Her argument was that her father gave her pocket money that was for her use only and that my father gave me pocket money that was for my use. So we should pay for our own lunches.
At first, I tried to persuade her otherwise, but after two lunches, during which she stood her ground, I realised that it was futile to argue any further and we subsequently just went Dutch every time we met for lunch.
It was the simple things that gave us the greatest joy. We were happiest just chit-chatting with each other, and whenever we had family gatherings.
Occasionally, when Sew May and I were alone, we would recite Chinese poetry and verses which we had learnt and memorised together in our younger days.
Our grandson, Justin, was her real bundle of joy. She would look for him first thing in the morning, and as soon as she came home from work. It was an unfortunate twist of fate that she had to suffer from a horrible disease at a time when she was about to relax and enjoy her retirement. She bravely fought the disease for 20 odd years. She fought several good battles, but the last one was swift and fatal. She was peaceful in her final hours.
Today, I wish to quote one of our favourite quotations from Su Dong Bo (the Song dynasty poet). He said that to part is inevitable. But in the simple but poignant words of Bai Ju Yi (the Tang dynasty poet), the loss is an eternal pain.
We took pride that we had led a clean and honest life, and had taken our mrriage vows seriously - we had been husband and wife for better or for worse, till death did us part.
Good bye, Siew May. We love you. "
Reading this, brings back memories of that day actually when the NYGH band actually played the songs for her funeral. Attending her funeral. The whole throngs of NY gals shaking hands one by one with President Ong then. It was really a first experience for many of us then. I guess time really does fly us by. Its already 5 years and President Ong has also passed on. I guess time waits for no one and if you dont move on with time, you will be left behind.
-ThE EnD-
I'm sitting in the library on this Friday afternoon with half and hour to go before the library closes. Trying to do some research for my critical part of essay for my euthanasia assignment. And knowing that tree-hugging hippie, he honestly changes his mind so often, its really hard to think about what he is looking for in our assignments. Luckily, the assignment is due in 2 weeks. But that's exam week and I have to study for my exam. Honestly, sometimes its always bad timings. Currently talking to Kitty online. She made an observation- we are always talking about school stuff. Either how much work load we have or how sucky work is in school. It just struck me to see how school work had taken over our lives and we dont have a life outside it. Granted its the end of semester, but sometimes I think we all have to chill but well, there must be someone to chill out with first. I cant wait for Bridget Jones Diary to come out on the 11th of November. I think I'll reward myself with that show (hopefully).
Anyway just want a whinge about my group member for my radio serial. Honestly, who does radio serials anymore? But nontheless, we still have to do one and guess what its on? Tarzan! I have studied this dude for one whole semester in EVERY single medium but this dude still does not appeal to me. Thankfully, or I'll be worried myself. But nontheless, I had a group meeting today to try to record our radio serial. There's this guy called Ryan aka Rolly Polly, a nickname that my housemates gave him, when you see him, you'll understand why. But anyway, Ryan is the most bochap guy about work ever. I mean he does reasonably well at school, wants to go into law school next year and he's a frigging traditional chinese guy. He's bred here but I tell you, he might as well be from China because he's frigging traditional. Somehow I told him about my break-up and that's why I want to leave Ipswich and that bloody asshole started laughing. His concept of relationships: Dont have them. They are a hassle. Anything else is funny. He was laughing uncontrollably at it. I was so pissed off at him and I was like what the fuck is your problem? Not only did he laugh at me having my heart broken, he was sleeping during our group meeting. Like we were all trying to figure out how to use the damn program, there he was sleeping on the table. And he's always saying, this is boring. As if we dont know its boring but its still something that we have do it right? He really really pisses me off. Every group meeting, I just simply go against him and we have a match everytime.
I wish that he'll roll down the hill and never come back up. No doubt I'll lost a group member but I dont there's anything to cry about.
-ThE EnD-
According to Daphne, I'm not on her daily reads list because I dont blog daily. Honestly, I used to be able to blog daily about anything and everything at all. Now, I guess I dont have to motivation and reason to blog. Why is that? Dont ask, I dont know the answer myself but nowadays I suppose being near the end of semester everyone's generally more busy with school work, projects and exams. I am no different so excuse me if I dont blog often. Daphne is so going to chuck shit, will she? I dont know. Anyway, today is my last day of the semester for teaching weeks. In fact its over as of now at 4.56pm on 27th October 2004. I've officially finished 2 semesters in Australia, having just exams and assignments left. No more boring lectures, not knowing what the hell I am doing and no more going for tutorials that I dont know what I'm doing there after the 5th week (aka, after my presentation). Let me do a course evaluation for my subjects.
COYS1110- Changing Channels
The lecturer is good. She writes like scripts and stuff for American TV and writes books for Big Brother and South Park. She's a pretty cool old lady with pink hair who hates lateness and cant see the projector screen when the door's open. Loves TV to bits, lectures off the top of her head, really is pretty cool. The tutor on the other hand is a really grumpy middle aged woman. In fact, she's the most childish tutor I have ever known. She has walked out of class before, leaving us wondering what the hell is going on. She loves Johnny Depp way too much and loves Malcom in the Middle way way too much too. Though she shows us cool movies during class, I still think she's crap. This is my media course whereby I study Tarzan for the whole semester in different mediums. Started off with the novel, moved on to films and now into sound (radio) which I am currently doing a group project for. Writing and producing a radio serial about Tarzan. Its quite cool really if not for the troubles that we have to go through with all usual group projects.
COYS1211- Texts and Contexts
This course is basically literature. Me and literature is basically not very friendly considering the last time I did literature was in secondary 2. But surprisingly I actually did enjoy this course quite abit though most of the time I dont quite understand what they are saying but once I do its actually quite fun.
COYS1510- Nature, Technology and the Human Condition
This is the suckiest course ever. What ever that is lectured has absolutely nothing to do with my assignment. Euthanasia, is just something that I can just look up the internet and do my one big assignment of 3000 words. Basically in one word- CRAP. I have not seen such a disorganised lecturer ever before, with no course details at all whatsoever. No idea what he's doing every week and every week, we go to lecture wondering. Why on earth am I even here? Yes, its that bad. I'm just glad that its over.
COYS1310- Issues in Contemporary Australia
This is about as crappy because basically we dont have to turn up for class at all unless its your presentation week. Mine was over from week 5 and I only go to class for attendence marks. But other than that, honestly I dont quite care what goes on in contemporary Australia. But this is far more enjoyable than the one above. Though I dont know why I go to class, at least its not as boring.
Yup, that's my course evaluation for the semester. Pretty crappy hey? I have 2 more assignments and 1 exam to go. Not too bad I must say, cleared most of my stuff already. Let's see, what else interesting has happened in my life? Not much really.. Other than I'm really stressed up juggling between viewing apartments, studying and applying for college. I really hate it when parents chuck the shit about how disorganised you are and offer 'suggesstions' and expect you to take them. My dad dont want to pay empty rent till I come back and made me apply for college. College costs about 200/week excluding phone bill, food and laundry. If I stay outside, I pay 2000 empty rent and thereafter, 125-140/week, excluding internet, electricity bill, phone bill, transport and food. I dont know, I think its all the same. Its just a bloody psychological thing that he does not want think he's throwing away money for empty rent. He wrote me a 1800 word email to give a 'suggestion' as to why I should stay in college. Everything just seem thrown onto my shoulders and I'm just expected to carry it off.
Sometimes, I just feel like collapsing and perhaps only then he'll realise how much pressure and stress he's putting onto me. Not bad, I think this is a pretty decent length entry! No more complains about me not updating regularly.
Back onto James and me. I guess it has almost been 3 weeks. 3 weeks seem to be a long time for a break-up but I guess everyone learns. At least I know that I no longer tear for him. We are more friendly with each other after I guess we came to terms about us not being girlfriend boyfriend anymore. But I'm coping well. I have to or else I would have buckled down long ago. And since my dad chucked shit about accommodation, I guess I'll be flying home on schedule then. 22nd November, here I come! One thing sad though, my birthday this year will be pretty alone. Sigh... But I guess its alright then. Its only me getting older. 20! I'm turning 20 on the 20th of November. Pretty cool hey?
Righto, back to re-vising my script for my radio serial. Love you guys..
-ThE EnD-
Have been walking around Indooroopilly, Taringa and Toowong to look for a place to move to next year. I never knew that looking for a place to stay is so hard. I havent really been updating much anyway because I have had no life outside my studies and my accommodation problem. Which can be a good thing.. I have been spending the last 4 days in school- 8 hours straight per day just doing my assignment on "Literature is another form of Women's oppression".I think that after doing this assignment, I'm oppressed myself but then again, Its all good after I saw it go down the chute today. It was such a satisfying feeling seeing my printout today.. So for the first time last night I actually had 9 hours sleep. Prior to that, I have had like 5 hrs sleep everyday. My body is completely exhausted. But I received an email from Philip (as usual) about beautiful bedrooms. Sigh, I wish that I can find a room like these. .
ok, it was supposed to have pictures but obviously they didnt appear. I forgot how to put them in. ARGH.. Stupid me..
Snoopy!
Cool Living room.. I really want one like this
I actually prefer them with the lights
Now I think this is cool to see shooting stars every night and wish every night and make those wishes come true!
This is my favourite of them all.. A pretty angel.
Arent they nice and pretty? Now, why arent there nice and pretty houses like that in Brisbane and affordable as well. Haha, I really should go to my Lala land..
-ThE EnD-
I just went to speak to Andrew just now. He's like our therapist, he should start charing money for the amount of things and advice he offers all those who have their heart broken in the house. Not that he's in a very great position himself as his girlfriend also broke up with him earlier this year. Anyway, I went to look for him to talk today and he seems to have this magical power to make me feel so much better. Even of course he could not give me back James or the friendship that we had before but he made me see the viewpoint that no one else has shown me at all. He allowed me to see the perpesctive from a guy's point of view and why James is like this. I suppose, no matter how mature you are for your age, experience always does count in matters of the heart. Perhaps a guy who have not had any experience in the heart matters do not really know how to handle break-ups. Or how to treat a girl after a break-up. Andrew made me see those points clearly or perhaps our relationship was a crush gone wrong. I guess I am now truly contented with the 3 months of memories that I have had with James. Perhaps, like Andrew, 6 years down the road, I might be receiving an email from James about this matter. I suppose its all a matter of self and how we deal with things.
Andrew, Thanks for making me see those points and making me realise that no matter how matured a guy is, age is still a big factor. Experience counts as well. I'll settle my own baggage first, throw any habouring thoughts outta my head and start on a clean slate. And talk to him again about being proper friends without any other implications..
-ThE EnD-
Listening to a Song that once upon a time was Kitty's and my song: Mandy Moore: Crush
I know that there is a South Bank in Victoria because Yali of s06 lives there. So this is introducing the South Bank of Brisbane. I went down with Kelly, Gen and Justina (my future housemate for next year) for a show- You got Served. Well, before I went to see that show, I went to search it up and it was rated the crappest show of the century (kinda), so I went in with pretty low expectations of that movie. Its basically a black hip hop dancing flick that shows the problems these street people face and their own ways of handling things. I guess the only thing that's worth commending in the movie is the dancing was AWESOME. You could never see those people move so well with such precision and vigour! But on the whole, the story was pretty crap, so it was right, its a pretty crappy movie. Thank goodness I only paid $5 for that movie, wouldnt have paid anything more than that to watch that movie. Anyway, after the movie, we went to walk around South Bank. Honestly, South Bank brings back alot of memories for me so I was quite reluctant to walk around because that's where we went for our 1st and 2nd date. This is why I really want to move out I suppose. Ipswich really holds too many memories, the places we go to, the things we do here. Carmen told me to stay for one semester and then move out to Fiona's place in the 2nd semester but I cant stay in this place any longer than I already am. Although, he's moving out as well but I just cant take all the places that we used to go. The walk to the train station, the walk to school, everytime I run past the Student Union, the tennis court, the Multimedia building, the library even, Room 112, Coles, too many memories in Ipswich.
Even when I go out to the city, I'll have memories: Sportsgirl, Cybercity, the Taiwanese Restaurant, the Korean Restaurant, Family, The Press Club, Lush, the bridge linking South Bank and the city but these I have no choice but to face them because eventually I'll still go out to the city. Anyway, I seriously have to stop linking every single damn thing to James or else I'll never move on with life and be stuck in this transition forever. However, I went to South Bank and the city and bought meself some coke bottles and a pair of earrings from Sportsgirl that were reduced!
When I go to the movies, I cant do without:
Coke Bottles
After the movie we had Fish and Chips at a Deck Wrap place. The chips were great, however we were too busy eating and forgot to take photos. This is us after dinner and dessert:
Kelly, me and Justina after having the best Fish and Chips at South Bank
After that, we went to walk around to take photos and met these two very friendly school girls and a guy who think that Singaporeans cant speak English. Well, figures, this is a stereotypical image of us asians anyway.
Here's us with the 2 girls:
All of us with 2 very friendly girls (That's the only words I can describe them)...
And some pictures we took of the 'Romantic Walk' thingy with the nice romantic infrastructure:
Kelly, Gen, Jus and me at the 'Romantic Walk' in South Bank
Kelly, Jus and me at the 'Romantic Walk' Can you guys see the nice nice structure of the walkway?
And Gen trying to get the perfect lighting for us...
Ahh.. the light's too bright
Lastly, my conquest from Sportsgirl:
Pink earrings from Sports girl
Well, that's my trip last night. Honestly, when Nic told me that she was not coming home today, I was really really down. That's why last night I slept in Amy's room even though she didnt come back to the room to sleep but still, I suppose its the thought that there is someone on this side of the house that counts. I have to thank her for loaning me Bobbie's room last night to sleep in and also well James Choi for talking to me.He specially took off to talk to me cause I'm depressed. I'm really grateful for that. I know that there are alot of people who care about me but I suppose I have said this before, this is something that I know I'll have to get over myself. Love you guys for all the care and concern hey? I'm flying home soon so I can see you'll. Righto, I have neglected this thing call work for a couple of days, I have to get down and get some work done. Argh, its so hard to write a feminist literature paper..
-ThE EnD-
Sitting in the cold wind today in my running attire, I was just thinking what if... But I guess that there is no point in thinking about that anymore because there will never be a what if. Honestly, I had haboured home but attitudes have changed that. Now I have come to the conclusion that ok, I'm too used to being the girlfriend. I have to lay back the foundation bricks that we were last time ie, we were online friends. So I guess I'll just stick to talking to him online if I have to look for him because there's simply no point for me to get hurt everytime I see his cold facial expressions. Things are getting slightly better everyday, we can actually make subtle references to our relationship. I guess I'm getting there. Really thankful for alot of people who care about me, people who let me know what I'm not alone here, people who volunteer to fly over to comfort me. Today Nic gave me this song Celine Dion- That's the way it is. She said that every word of this song is exactly what she wants to say to me. I would have uploaded the song to be the background music but the free ripway thing has a limit on how much I can actually upload. But I was very touched when I heard the lyrics of the song:
I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you
Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah
So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.
Nic, I know that you'll never read this because you dont even know I have a blog. But I guess what I'm trying to say is Thank you for being there for me all the way, from before, during and after. I understand what you're going through right now having the same situation just 4 days ago but I suppose I cant really say much to help because this is something we'll have to pick ourselves up. Sitting in the cold wind made me think alot today, not just what if but also what Reuben had to go through. Previously, I was unsympathetic towards him and could never understand why could he just not move on with life because I did. I guess being on the other side of things enable me to understand what he went through. I'm glad that now he has properly moved on with life. Sometimes even though everyone says dont think that way, but I suppose really: What goes round comes round. Perhaps its good that I get my heart broken again, then I can remember how is it like and not take it for granted again.
-ThE EnD-
I have been heart broken since Sunday. I havent stopped crying since Sunday night. I cant be alone or else my mind will start to wander and start crying. Hurt come in waves and these waves keep coming just from daily activities. Anyway, I got this email from Philip about love. Made me think about why he broke up with me. Made me understand a little about his cold harsh attitude towards me. However, this does not mean that I'm not crying and bleeding inside. Because I am and will be till I fly home and heal properly.
Every person will need to find four people in their lives. The First personis you. The Second person is the one you love most. The Third person is theone who love you most. And the Fourth is the one you spend the rest of yourlife with.
In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn howlove feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person wholoves you most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others andbeing loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you willfind the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the restof your life with.
Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.The one you love most doesn't love you. The one, who loves you most, isnever the one you love most. And the one you spend your life with, is neverthe one you love most or the one who loves you most. He is just the personwho happens to be at the right place at the right time. Which person areyou in other people's life?
No person will purposely have a change of heart. At the point in time whenhe loves you, he really loves you. But when he doesn't love you anymore, hereally doesn't love you anymore. When he loves you, he can't pretend thathe doesn't. Same goes, when he loves you no more, there's no way he canpretend he loves you.
When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you. You must askyourself if you still love him, If you also don't love him anymore, do notkeep him just to save your pride. If you still love him, you should wishhim happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, notstop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the onehe loves, it shows you already don't love him, And if you don't love him,what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?
Love is not possessive, if you like the moon, you can't just take it downand put it in your basin. But the moonlight still shines upon you. In otherwords, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing theperson. Let him become a permanent memory in your life. If you really lovea person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points,and the bad. You can't wish for him to become like what you like him to bejust because you love him. If he can't change to become what you like himto be, you don't love him anymore. When you really love a person, youcannot find a reason why you love him, you only know that no matter whenand where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be withyou.
Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems withoutasking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to putin effort and give in at times, and not always be on the receiving end.Being away from each other is a type of test. If the relationship isn'tstrong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.
Real love will never become hate. I guess no matter how badly you treat me, I'll still love you. Slowly but surely I'll get over you but you're wrong, you're the hardest to get over because I got together with you and you broke my heart. I'll get over you but I'll never forget you. Maybe one day you'll forget me, but I know I'll never forget you just as I never forgot Nick.
I'll stop writing a diary about us cause it will just hurt me more. Bits and pieces will leave my memory but you will always be part of my memories.
-ThE EnD-
Hey all.. Received an email from Ying Ying.. I thought it was really meaningful. I probably wont be doing much personal blogging because my life would be swarmed with assignments and I doubt anyone would want to read about that. Plus, if I blog, it will always be about him. I'm trying to get over it so that's probably not the best idea.
A man going abroad to work leaves his fiancee crying.
"Don't worry, I will write you everyday," he said.
For years he did write her.
But since he was happy with his job, he had no immediate plans of going home.
One day, he received a wedding invitation.
His girlfriend was scheduled to be married.
To whom? To the mailman bringing regularly the letters of her boyfriend!
Indeed, distance does make hearts flounder.
The poor boyfriend surely explained, "What went wrong? I sent her letters, chocolates, and flowers."
When relationships go wrong, the list of things given and done for the person usually crops up. We say, "I have given you this and that... I have done these things for you." It seems that love is simply proven by the bestowal of gifts and favors. But while presents are important, love demands what is basic: 'presence of the beloved'.
I have observed for instance, the orchids of my mother's. When she's away for a long time, they are unhealthy and many of them wither. But when she is around, they bloom with beautiful flowers. My mother does nothing exceptional. She just spends much time talking and caressing them.
I guess persons all the more require a caring presence.
Love is fundamentally a commitment to a person. We may be committed to our business, job, hobby, sports and clubs. But strictly speaking, they cannot love us back. Only a person can love us in return, and for that matter, the highest commitment as human beings, is spending time with those persons we love.
And since people need affection and nourishment, material things can only help up to a certain degree in fostering love. But it can never replace the greatest gift of presence becuz everyone needs someone - be it friends, parents, siblings or simply that 'special' one.
Being there for someone need not necessary mean having to say alot. Words are sometimes redundant. Remember that 'presence' (to be there for someone) is more than enough.
"What Is Most Valuable Is Not What You Have In Your Life, But Who You Have In Your Life"
In our pursuits, let's not neglect spending quality time with the most important person of our lives. =)
Just on a personal note: Sometimes even if you have the person you love in your presence, it may not just be enough. However, memories of those quality times that you spent will make it a whole lot different.
-ThE EnD-
I suppose it takes two hands to clap in everything..
I guess a single-sided me is not enough..
I'll be strong and play my side of the story well.
-ThE EnD-
I am in school now at 2.58pm. I had 6 hours of sleep last night, from 3am to 9am this morning. Which technically should be more than enough but I still feel tired, very tired. Maybe the fact that I'm supposed to be doing work tires me out. I have a 1500 word essay on "How important is Racial Reconciliation to contemporary Australia?" and I am stuck at 331 words. Its alright, in the sense its due next wednesday. I still have time, regardless, I'll have an essay out by Tuesday by hook or by crook. But since I'm stuck at this essay, I thought I might write a letter to my tomato. I dont think he'll ever read it, but I suppose I just want it on the net, with a hope that he might read my blog (which I seriously doubt) but nontheless, since I'm forbidden to send him that email, I'll do it in my blog.
Dear Tomato,
How have you been? I think it has been awhile since I've actually talked to you properly. Well, since Sunday night. After that, you and I have been busy with work. I think perhaps that you being stressed is not the best side of you at all. Same goes for me. I have been paranoid all week. I do admit that the thought of breaking up did cross my mind, even yesterday. You said that I have been asking whether anything's wrong for the past week. Well, obviously when I ask that, I do think that there is something wrong. At least I think that there is something wrong in our relationship. Or perhaps and hopefully that this is the case that we are just spending too much together and that you and I both need our space. Or perhaps, I just dont mean as much to you anymore. I remember we didnt use to be like this. Is it because its the end of the semester and we are busy with work? I hope that this is the case. Because, I really do treasure this relationship alot and I would like it to last longer than 3 months. We have alot of shared memories that I think no one else can give me.
You have taught me alot of things about myself and about relationships in this simple 1 month and a half. Even though its your first relationship and you say that you really dont know where and what you're doing, but yet you still teach me alot that I didnt have or experienced in my previous. I know now that you show your care and concern to me in your own way and I am very grateful for that. Because I know that you care, even not openly but you do care in your actions. Always making sure that I wont fall, making sure I go to classes, getting on my assignments, listening to me whine about my dad, making sure that I dont get pushed around. You dont say it out but I know that you care alot for me. I thank you for that. Also, thanks to you that I get alot of stuff settled, learn new things, basically appreciate little things. Important thing is I trust you alot. Much more than my first.. I dont get paranoid why do you not call me or whether you are meeting girls anot. I dont because I trust you, and to me that's a very important factor. I dont trust guys easily and because of that, that's why I'm willing to try harder for this relationship. I hope that you're as well.
Now that it has come to this stage whereby I'm unsure where our relationship is heading. Perhaps you're unsure yourself about this. I dont know. I hope that by some miracle you'll read this and perhaps give me an answer. I'm leaving it entirely up to fate. It was fate that you read my entry thanking you, perhaps it might be fate that you'll read this entry. If not, then perhaps we are not meant to be..
Well, dear Tomato. I dont say this at all or well I think once or twice and you dont say it at all but I know that I love you. I hope that this is just a passing phase because I think I'll be very sad if it ends in such a short time.
Signing off,
Your Personal Amusement Centre.
Have a good weekend at home voting. Back to work I go..
-ThE EnD-
I have a green eye, a purple chin, a grazed hip and hand. Basically all 4 limbs are hurt. Why? Because stupid klutzy me fell flat on my face yesterday, hard. For what reason? I was playing with James, and was chasing after him and lost my balance and fell flat on concrete floor outside eagle boys pizza. I really dont know what to say about myself except I'm stupid and klutzy and careless. I look bashed up. Went to school with heaps of make-up on. Havent put on that much in a long time, but still my bruises were visible. Sigh, what to do? It was so not worth it for that fall for a stupid reason. Even though I laugh and joke about my injury and let people make fun of me like that, it really does hurt, physically and emotionally as well. It hurts to think that they trying to 'cheer' me up is to make a joke out of my injury. I have had the worse fall in my life, I hardly think of it as a joke. But sometimes, it lightens the mood. I dont know.
Anyway, recently I got hooked onto this game The Sims 2. Its really addicting but lame as well. Keke, its like I'm watching my sim play computer. It sounds so weird when its said out but yet it kinda creates a world that you want to live in. I created my 'dream' guy with the perfect hair and colour and bod and stuff. Created the girl that I want to be, with the perfect hair and skin tone. Live in a perfect house, with cool stuff around. Sometimes, I just want to escape from reality to go into my perfect Sim world. Well, kinda perfect because they can be such pains sometimes. But still, its a relief from reality sometimes. Thing is, this game is at James computer, so I cant access it anytime I want to. But I suppose that could be a good thing so that I can get my work done. But still.. I am so tempted to install it in my computer.
Righto, enough about the Sims. Sigh, I think maybe James and me drifting apart. We had quite a good talk about the problem of initiative and communication. Think he is under alot of stress and not really acting himself, thus he is colder? Like today, he told me he was going to sleep. Turned off his computer. When I came back to the room, I saw him sign in at msn. Which meant he turned on his computer again. It could mean nothing, he could mean something. Of course I wish it would mean nothing. It takes alot of self control to just not go over to his room to check. I dont want to seem to be a very possessive and paranoid girlfriend. I probably am, just trying not to portray that in front of him. Regardless, he is not the only one with assignments due and have alot of school work. I also have 2 assignments due in 2 weeks. Same as him. Sigh, I dont even know what am I talking about anymore. I think I'll stop looking for him for awhile, maybe for like 2 weeks? It would take ALOT of self-control for that to happen. Seriously, I dont think I have the discipline for that. But I'll try... If me being away froom him can make him do better and let him concentrate and stuff, then I suppose, I should not be selfish. I probably could get more work done, which is a good thing.
Topic for the week: How important is racial reconciliation to contemporary Australiansociety? Honestly, my whole semester is concentrated on racial reconciliation for this course which is utterly boring. And after being bumped around by the UQ people for my transfer of course. I finally manage to get an appointment with someone who hopefully will have some idea as to which direction I can go.
Sigh, many many problems, I have little solutions for them.
-ThE EnD-
This is a take on relationships by Sylvia. She sent me this and I just thought I'll share this. It has some element of truth in this words :
Some people wants to be in a relationship for the sake of being in 1..
Some just want a taste of it cos they've never been in love..
Some just missed being in one..
Some entered into 1 due to foolish actions..
Some just couldn't control it!
The 3 magical words are no doubt special but it doesn't mean u can only use it sparingly..
Girls don't ask guys "Do u love me" for nothing..
They asked because the can sense something amiss in the relationship
And it's definately out of insecurity and they need some assurance
If u really love somebody, best to let them know before they decide to leave your life..
You cant escape love baby..
If it comes, just embrace it
If it doesn't, u can't do anything to speed it's arrival so enjoy singlehood as much as u can..
And I found this at this website---> Simply Ethel Dot Com She wrote this entry that I thought was very nice.
-ThE EnD-
Ok, I was saying I had a problem to talk about. Sigh* You noticed that in my previous post, there's no mention of James at all since he went home? That's because he didnt contact me at all ever since he went home on Wednesday. Yeah for sure we contacted but that's because I always either called or smsed him first. He never takes the initiative to contact me. The only time he contacted me on his own is because he needed photos of us from me to be sent to him. I mean if he didnt need something from me, in the course of 4 days, would he even contact me at all?I seriously doubt so. This is not only like these 4 days. Usually at home, its always me who take the initiative to look for him. I know that we are living in the contemporary times and we should have no problems with girls taking initiative about things in a relationship, but its like everytime its me who look for him, never the other way round. I feel like I'm the guy in the relationship. Granted, he's young and you know probably not experienced but I feel that the status of the word girlfriend is just there because I am, I'm more like a friend that anything else. If he doesnt need something from me, its like I dont exist at all. In fact these 4 days, I think I didnt exist at all in his life except for when I called or smsed him. It seems as if he dont care. Perhaps I'm asking for too much.
Am I?
-ThE EnD-
Its been awhile since I last posted. I wont say alot of things have happened in between my last post and today. Its my holidays which is ending in about 24 hours. I have been saying that I want time to pass me by quicker so that James can come home earlier tomorrow. But now that Saturday is here, I want my holidays is be longer because I need my rest to catch on my sleep and my body needs to rest from all the activities that I have been having. I have come to realise that I cant always rely on people calling me to go out, I have to take the initiative ask people whether they want to go out anot. I probably should have realised long ago that the world does not revolve around me, (stupid self-centered me), and ask people out when I need someone around me. Anyway, a rundown on what I have done this week of holidays. I have no work due right after the spring break so I have a relatively easy break, basically slacking and having nothing to do, which probably made the holidays a little worse. Anyway...
Monday & Tuesday:
James was still around so basically I was spending time with him. Actually not alot even because he had work to do and couldnt really spend time with me. Not that I'm complaining about that, because school work comes first before me. But nontheless he was around which is always good. He was packing to go home on tuesday and I was really upset. I suppose it was the length of time that he was going to leave that really shook me as I was so used to having him around and suddenly, for 5 days I dont have someone around me. Which is bad, as this shows how much I have relied on him especially since my 'wonderful' relationship with my housemates now aint improving.
Wednesday:
It was horrible on wednesday. I was all home alone, literally. My roomate had school, the 2 Singaporean guys went diving (again, I was not included). Never mind, everyone just wasnt home. So I stayed home alone, watching movies and started messaging people whether they were free. Turns out, no one is. Sigh, went back to school to use the net and luckily for Daphne to help me pass time. I had to help her with her secret thingy for someone so that took up about 3 hours of the afternoon. Came home, watched more movies, slacked, and then made arrangements to visit Kareen at unilink.
Thursday:
Woke up at a leisure time. Watched more movies, did laundry and went off the Kareen's place at unilink. I have not been to unilink myself on foot someone, kinda got abit lost. Panicked but in the end, got there safely. Spent the rest of the day there just chilling, made some new friends, looking at her photos. Just basically chilling with a friend. Havent done that for ages and she cooked dinner for me! Cooked a Cantonese dessert, and home cooked dinner. Havent had home cooked food in awhile, never had SOUP in a long time. Keke, Kareen is so motherly and I love her food. And she was really nice to invite me to Habourtown on Friday.
Friday:
Went to Harbourtown with Kareen, Edwin, Joanna and Jasmine. I made new friends with Joanna and Jasmine. Its always good to make new friends. Harbourtown, I have been there about 3 times already.Personally I find that place quite boring, even though there're supposed to be alot of shopping to do but its still quite boring. But yesterday it was quite a different experience. I guess its the people that u go with that matters. Basically I bought quite abit of stuff, blew my budget for the month. Have to withdraw money like 1 week in advance. Very tired but importantly, I enjoyed myself very much. Thanks Kareen for inviting me.
Today (Saturday):
Went out with Fiona.Havent seen her since like Febuary, when I came. Since I was really bored, I called her and we went out to the city. Brisbane can be so boring really, just walk around. Bought more stuff today. ARGH.. I really need to stop spending. Oh and I bought mooncakes as well. Keke, at a discount as well. But its not as cheap as the ones we get in Chinatown on the day of mooncake festival. But nontheless, I still managedto enjoy myself.
I have a problem to pose but I need to call Yeongshi at her party. Tata people..
-ThE EnD-
Jessica . 20 . 20th of November . Scorpio . Uni of Queensland . In love?
Wanna do :: Have a Great Summer Holiday
Reading: Always the Bridesmaid
Watching: The OC, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Sex and the City , Law and Order SVU, Amazing Race
Obssession: Losing weight
Wishlist: An IPOD. A trip to London. A new better laptop. NECe616V
In my discman: some CD I burned from James.
Only: days till I start work!
Feeling:
mAiL me!
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.::Current MSN Nick::.
Let's get down and get drunk tonight