Friday, September 10, 2004

Is it that when you get closer to someone, your world is just full of that person and you dont think about other people? Thus, when others have seen that you're like that, they isolate you from their activities. When this close person is gone, you realise how much you have distanced from your friends because too much time was spent else where. Do you ever wonder how people balance between relationships and friendships? Is there such a thing as a perfect balance between the two? Or is it that we can only choose between one of these and lose the other like forever.

I used to have a belief that I must have a life outside my relationship. And with my first relationship, I did. I had too much of a life outside him so much so that he said I treated my friends better than I treated him. But to me, friends are important because friends are for life. My friends, those that I'm close with, I've been friends with them for like 3-4 years? Some even longer and these are the people who have pulled me through tough, horrible downs of my life. How can I ever forget them and not spend time with them? However, I spent too much time with them, probably treated them even better than my boyfriend, perhaps that's what caused a downfall in my first failure.

Every new place we go to, we make new friends. Whether anot we can make friends that stay by our side is a different thing. I used to think that I'm a very people people person. I'm the kind of person where at least half the school knows my name and I know half the school. Friendships are made to be maintained, if we get too distracted or whatever, these friendships are lost. I'm now in my 2nd relationship and told myself that ok, I dont want to treat my friends better my boyfriend again and have a repeat of what happened. I will have a life outside him but I will spend more time with him than the rest. This has obviously taken a toll on my relationship with my housemates. James and me are seen as one and we spend so much time together that I have not actually talked to Colin, Andrew, Amy in a long time. Today, a couple of people from uni came over to visit Nicole and the whole lot of them all went into Colin's room while I'm here typing this sad blog entry out. I dont mean to say I dont enjoy spending time with James but am I spending too much time with him and neglecting other people that matter as well? Today, he went home and I feel isolated from the rest of the house. This is not a nice feeling to have, I dont think its any of them like purposely not talking to me but its just that they are probably so used to not having me around anymore that I'm no longer included in their activities. I told myself I must have a life outside James but am I really practicing what I preach? Maybe now our relationship is in a honeymoon stage but when it gets to another stage would it have been too late with my friendship with my housemates? Would I have been totally excluded. I dont think it would be that extreme and maybe just pmsybecause the last time I feel like that I'm pmsy(sorry guys, probably a detail that you guys didnt need to know). Anyway, I just feel that I dont belong anymore. I'm Singaporean,Asian whichever, but yet I feel that I dont belong. Why?



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 11:33 pm


-ThE EnD-