Sunday, October 31, 2004

I was reading some random blogs. You know how you keep pressing the next blog and you will be able to read other people's blog around the world literally? Well, yeah I was bored as usual, having not much to do on a Sunday afternoon and was reading some people blogs. Some boring, some Singaporean ones- all the Singlish gets typed out, some China ones when its typed in Chinese, some lovey dovey ones, some kid's blog. I came across this blog from this girl in Canada, I think she's an asian because I spotted an "aiyah" in the blog, so typically asian. But nontheless, her latest entry was about her getting together with a guy whom she has liked for a long time. Their story is kinda complicated in a way because they were kissing and stuff before they got together. But the way they got together just touched a string in my heart because it felt so famaliar the exhiliration that I felt when James and me got together. I know everyone will go Sheesh, Jess it has been 3 weeks, honestly and seriously get over it. I know that I should get over it but then after I read her entry,I realised that what for should I keep telling myself to get over him. If I still love him, I love him. There's no stopping me from loving him, its not a matter of choice whether I can stop loving him just like I dont want to eat something. I know that I should forget and stop moping around because if I dont, I'll never move on with life. I disagree, life moves on regardless whether I forget him at all and I still moved on with life. I still go to school, I still hand in my assignments, I still will be studying for my exams, I still will be worrying about my accommodation. Life does not stop because my heart got broken but it does not mean that moving on with life I'm not allowed to love him. Because I still do and will do too until someone else has the power to make me shift me love away from James. So this entry is for myself, telling myself to believe in myself, do whatever I want, love him if I have to. Stop telling myself that I have to get over him because I dont have to. If I keep forcing myself to, then I'll be so much more pain because everything he does will hurt me. I care and love him and will show that I still care for him. Of course I wont hug and kiss him and stuff but I will care for him. I'll mope as long as it takes me to and if anyone disagrees with me. Well, I can say that piss off because this is my blog and I can write anything I want. Strong words I know but I guess for once in my life, I'm taking a stand about my life, instead of always listening to what other people say. Because James Drewe will always be part of my memories whether I like it anot. Places in Brisbane that we have been to, places that we said that we'll go to. Bit by bit I know I'll forget and only remember the important bits like how drunk we were when we got together, that how alcohol had to step in to unravel our tongues, the true meaning of Eskimo Kisses, my cravings for KFC, my hopelessness whenever I visit Coles to do groceries. All these little bits will stay by my head and no one can take them away from me no matter how much I'm told to forget and get on with life.

Sorry if I offended anyone. But I guess that's my stand.



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 4:08 pm


-ThE EnD-