Thursday, October 14, 2004

Sitting in the cold wind today in my running attire, I was just thinking what if... But I guess that there is no point in thinking about that anymore because there will never be a what if. Honestly, I had haboured home but attitudes have changed that. Now I have come to the conclusion that ok, I'm too used to being the girlfriend. I have to lay back the foundation bricks that we were last time ie, we were online friends. So I guess I'll just stick to talking to him online if I have to look for him because there's simply no point for me to get hurt everytime I see his cold facial expressions. Things are getting slightly better everyday, we can actually make subtle references to our relationship. I guess I'm getting there. Really thankful for alot of people who care about me, people who let me know what I'm not alone here, people who volunteer to fly over to comfort me. Today Nic gave me this song Celine Dion- That's the way it is. She said that every word of this song is exactly what she wants to say to me. I would have uploaded the song to be the background music but the free ripway thing has a limit on how much I can actually upload. But I was very touched when I heard the lyrics of the song:

I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.

Nic, I know that you'll never read this because you dont even know I have a blog. But I guess what I'm trying to say is Thank you for being there for me all the way, from before, during and after. I understand what you're going through right now having the same situation just 4 days ago but I suppose I cant really say much to help because this is something we'll have to pick ourselves up. Sitting in the cold wind made me think alot today, not just what if but also what Reuben had to go through. Previously, I was unsympathetic towards him and could never understand why could he just not move on with life because I did. I guess being on the other side of things enable me to understand what he went through. I'm glad that now he has properly moved on with life. Sometimes even though everyone says dont think that way, but I suppose really: What goes round comes round. Perhaps its good that I get my heart broken again, then I can remember how is it like and not take it for granted again.





Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 11:15 pm


-ThE EnD-