Friday, October 08, 2004

I am in school now at 2.58pm. I had 6 hours of sleep last night, from 3am to 9am this morning. Which technically should be more than enough but I still feel tired, very tired. Maybe the fact that I'm supposed to be doing work tires me out. I have a 1500 word essay on "How important is Racial Reconciliation to contemporary Australia?" and I am stuck at 331 words. Its alright, in the sense its due next wednesday. I still have time, regardless, I'll have an essay out by Tuesday by hook or by crook. But since I'm stuck at this essay, I thought I might write a letter to my tomato. I dont think he'll ever read it, but I suppose I just want it on the net, with a hope that he might read my blog (which I seriously doubt) but nontheless, since I'm forbidden to send him that email, I'll do it in my blog.

Dear Tomato,
How have you been? I think it has been awhile since I've actually talked to you properly. Well, since Sunday night. After that, you and I have been busy with work. I think perhaps that you being stressed is not the best side of you at all. Same goes for me. I have been paranoid all week. I do admit that the thought of breaking up did cross my mind, even yesterday. You said that I have been asking whether anything's wrong for the past week. Well, obviously when I ask that, I do think that there is something wrong. At least I think that there is something wrong in our relationship. Or perhaps and hopefully that this is the case that we are just spending too much together and that you and I both need our space. Or perhaps, I just dont mean as much to you anymore. I remember we didnt use to be like this. Is it because its the end of the semester and we are busy with work? I hope that this is the case. Because, I really do treasure this relationship alot and I would like it to last longer than 3 months. We have alot of shared memories that I think no one else can give me.
You have taught me alot of things about myself and about relationships in this simple 1 month and a half. Even though its your first relationship and you say that you really dont know where and what you're doing, but yet you still teach me alot that I didnt have or experienced in my previous. I know now that you show your care and concern to me in your own way and I am very grateful for that. Because I know that you care, even not openly but you do care in your actions. Always making sure that I wont fall, making sure I go to classes, getting on my assignments, listening to me whine about my dad, making sure that I dont get pushed around. You dont say it out but I know that you care alot for me. I thank you for that. Also, thanks to you that I get alot of stuff settled, learn new things, basically appreciate little things. Important thing is I trust you alot. Much more than my first.. I dont get paranoid why do you not call me or whether you are meeting girls anot. I dont because I trust you, and to me that's a very important factor. I dont trust guys easily and because of that, that's why I'm willing to try harder for this relationship. I hope that you're as well.
Now that it has come to this stage whereby I'm unsure where our relationship is heading. Perhaps you're unsure yourself about this. I dont know. I hope that by some miracle you'll read this and perhaps give me an answer. I'm leaving it entirely up to fate. It was fate that you read my entry thanking you, perhaps it might be fate that you'll read this entry. If not, then perhaps we are not meant to be..
Well, dear Tomato. I dont say this at all or well I think once or twice and you dont say it at all but I know that I love you. I hope that this is just a passing phase because I think I'll be very sad if it ends in such a short time.

Signing off,
Your Personal Amusement Centre.

Have a good weekend at home voting. Back to work I go..



Jessica WhIsPeReD OuT @ 2:57 pm


-ThE EnD-